Disappointed in myself

[Mamadoo]

As disgusting as it sounds, I have a feeling that this is the place to find people who might understand....just went and found a nasty old butt in our ashtray and smoked it. The filter was even ashy, but I wiped it off. Head rush, guilty feelings, etc. Somehow, though, I know I'll want to do the same thing in a few hours. I will be getting all of that stuff wet and running it to the garbage at the store or something. This is pathetic. Guess I have to figure out how to reset my countdown clock too. 

[MarcieWhosoever]

ummm yes, you sure are right about this place understanding. We dont think you are discusting. On this site I have heard worse. We are addicts. Addicts do things like that. I wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago about something way more discusting than smoking an ashy old cigarette butt. (I smoked while my poor babies were trying to develope in my womb) How terrible is that? I forgive myself and my children forgive me.

Forgive yourself mama and get back up and do this! only you can choose to smoke. Like connie says, you can quit or smoke but you CANNOT do both, so you need to decide. You CAN do it girl!

[virginia74lady]

Do not worry about falling or failing.   The more you worry about it, the fresher it will stay in your mind.   Forget about it and pretend that you did not fall...Go for a long walk, breathe deep..whie talking to the nicodemon and putting him behind you....  We can do this, it is possible, just look at how many have made it on this site.  Stay on this site as often as possible.   There is a great support network here.   You have landed on the correct runway..  no crashes here.  Hang in there, stay strong.  Shirley

[panda_88]

Keep trying and don't give up. There's no reason to feel dissapointed in yourself if you keep trying. Next time your reaching for a cigarette just ask yourself why?

[Strudel]

If you know you'll want to do the same thing again in a few hours - you need some more prep work! I'm not sure if we already gave you links for reading - but here they are again - http://quitsmokingonline.com/ and Allen Carr's book - "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking" - free download - http://joga.365.lt/Allen-Carr_Easy-Way-To-Stop-Smoking_Download-free-PDF-EBook You need to change the way you think of smoking.....the reading will really help to do that. Really! Read, make a plan - you can do this!

[FLORIDALJT]

You are not disgusting! I used to do that even when I had cigarettes in my car! That is the behavior of an addict! Just regroup & prepatre & read read read You can do this. I know it!

[sarai2]

Don't feel bad, it only goes to show how strong the addiction is.  We all wrestle with our decisions.  I read somewhere that sometimes relapse is part of the recovery.  You can do this....

[geo4]

people, places and things.  which one of these did your situation fall under?  how can you change it next time?  We are nicotine  addicts.  we need to be very aware of people, palces and things.  don t let one or two little misahapps lead you back to a pack.  it will be easier to not smoke now then it will be to come back months or years from now and try to quit again.  you may never have another quit left in you so why risk it?

[jojo_2-24-11]

never give up on yourself! EVER!

[Mommaof2-3]

It happens to the best of us! I have been in that position before. Quitting is not the same for everyone and their are many different ways people go about it. I feel your pain, When I quit back in December I threw out the only 2 ashtrays in my home well outside my home one on the back porch and one on the front. That way I did not have the option to dig for a smokable butt.. Good luck and dont hang your head, you will find your on way to kick the habit.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I "sorted" the ashtray in my truck one time when I locked my keys in the house.

that's all I'm sayin abutt that

[tnjhoffman]

I use to do the same thing...or I would throw away the pack and dig it out of the trash the next day.  Addictions SUCK!!!!!!  Stay strong...remember your reasons for quitting.....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

[flipdave]

Just to let you know, It's not as bad as it seems, did it feel good? It's better to reflect on the reason why you did and LEARN from it.  Maybe just seeing it made you want to smoke. So THROW THAT ASH TRAY AWAY and try to avoid that area as much as possible! What i found most helpful instead of smoking was instead of smoking I would just come here to this Blog and read what other people are saying. . . That and squeezing things LOL

[Dakota_Posse]

Please read the information that Strudel gave you the links for up above......read, read, read......you need to educate yourself about this addiction so you can fight it!!!  Please, don't give up....jump back on and let's do this!!

We all want you to succeed!!   Cindy

[smokeandmirrors]

I might get some flack for this, but I'll share. I slipped 3 days into my quit, so don't feel alone!!! As many have said, it is the nature of the addiction. The silver lining was that I used that experience to help strengthen me. Everytime I even catch myself considering buying a pack a cigarettes now, I remember how sick that "slip up cigarette" made me feel. Just use this experience and learn from it. If seeing cigarettes and cigarrette butts laying around is one of your triggers, make sure you throw them out. By that I mean, wet them, break them, and throw them away...even with the butts. Then you can't go dig them out of the trash. If you're able to, definitely clean out that ash tray and either throw it out or put it where you won't think about it.

[Mamadoo]

Thanks everyone! Reading a lot and going to take a little nap. Trying to stay positive:)

[tamarale]

I slipped big time. I did NOT want to start smoking again and the SLIP/LAPSE/BINGE did not give me permission to keep smoking. It's a decision. You can choose health, life, feeling better, smelliing better, and to be addiction free. You can do it. I can do it. So many here have done this and are there to hold our hands through our insanity! One minute at a time.

[newlife5]

ewww,..... yuck,...that is disgusting... now never do that again... throw them out .. clean it so you wont be able to smell it .... and they  wont  tempt  you anymore!!!

you dont smoke anymore!!!!... only hardcore addicted smokers do that ...you quit smoking ....

so thats it .....never do that again!!!....

[newlife5]

this is what i always tell myself when a thought like that crosses my mind....

[quittingsucksbutbeatssmokingha]

Many years ago I was reading about sugar in our diets and balancing our food etc. The writer said something that has stuck with me. You want the cookies....you have sworn off of them and you have been very good. Your body has no idea that you swore off of them. It just knows that something is missing and your mind is telling you that. You break down and gobble some cookies. They were great for a second, then your mind horribly guilts you out for the rest of day and probably more cookies.

We know our body is going to let us know it is uncomfortable when we make changes....that is awesome...if we can get to that place where we can talk to our body with our minds just like we let our bodies talk to our minds all day...then we will be all we want to be!!!

[JimTaddeo]

Yep, signs of drug addiction 101. You can't gross me out nor can you make dislike you because of poor behavior. Digging your drugs out of the ashtray or garbage is not really how you would like to be viewed by your peers is it? Not that MOST of the other addicts here haven't done that and WORSE! LOL It's obviously not something you liked about yourself at all.

COOL! Change it!

The important part is that YOU are recognizing it for yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it as you will find that is another favorite in the multi-layer bag of tricks addicts use to slip and then justify staying there.

Throw ALL of your smoking paraphenalia out. ALL OF IT! You have no use for an ashtray. The Marlboro gear is not cute or useful. The Newport coolness is not cool and none of their T-shirts are worth wearing. Keeping a "just in case" stash is indicative of setting yourself up for "just in case" happening FOR SURE! Throw it ALL away....burn it....HATE IT! That's what that garbage deserves and you my friend ARE NOT garbage and you deserve a hell of lot better than that! 🙂

You are in good company here and you are not alone. Welcome to your FREEDOM.

Papa

[misty_dawn]

Been there, done that...had to brush the ash residue off my teeth....ewwww

[Alice23]

Okay - so you had your slip and now it's in the past.  NOW you hang on to that quit and remember that another episode like that is just going to make you feel really bad!

You are addicted to one powerful drug. Keep fighting the good fight!