Depression

[tsssue4307]

This is my first post so bare with me   I am trying to figure all of this out  lol   I am on day 66 which I am really proud of.  My breathing has became much better.  But it seems I am depressed a lot more.   I don't understand it.   I think back and it seems when I was smoking I was so much happier but I know in my heart that isn't true.   I was worried about getting copd and emphysema like my father and gasping for breath like he did plus being on oxygen.   

I feel like I am also very anti social with a close family member now and that really bothers me.   Her and I would always go out back and have a cig together so now I have been kind of avoiding her.   Its almost like I am envious that she is still smoking and I am not and just saying that or shall I say typing it makes me feel tremendously guilty and foolish.  I guess you could say I had already had feelings of envy of her as she has so many adult children and I have one.   I lost my other child.   So now I feel really guilty for having all these feelings and its making me very depressed.   I mean I really do care alot about her and I miss our spending time together but it just doesn't seem the same now.   Sigh   Did I mention I am a pro at over thinking?  lol    Thanks for taking the time to read this  

[YoungAtHeart]

66 days is HUGE!  You should be very proud of that.

You are now FEELING the feelings from which you hid behind a cloud of smoke all those years - and it makes sense that they are uncomfortable now.  It will take you some time to come to terms with them.  This is new territory for you.

I would tell your close family that you miss her and see if you can spend some quality time together  - for now some place where you won't smoke - like a coffee shop or at the mall.  I would explain that, for now, your quit needs to be your main priority.

I think you will feel better if you can spend some time with her.

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Put some vicks under your nose and sit upwind and remember

She doesn't get to smoke, she has to smoke.

I was very depressed days 53-55. Most of it had nothing to do with smoking but things can seem to weigh heavier  when we quit smoking because we don't have our crutch.

Onward and Upward.

[SimplySheri]

You sound like a very caring person who is missing the close connection you had with a family member.  That is totally understandable.  You two have a bond that should not be severed because of cigarettes.  She is very lucky to have you!

That being said, you do have to protect and nurture your very wonderful 66 day quit   You may be envious of her 'ability' to smoke.  She is probably envious of your ability to quit.  So stop the guilt of feeling what you feel please   It is what it is.  As long as you're not smoking, you are good!!  Depression and other icky feelings will come and go.  As long as you don't act on those feelings, you're safe.

I hope you are proud of your 66 days...that's fantastic   Maybe you and your smoking family member can talk over coffee without going outside to smoke?  Or have dinner together? 

[elvan]

Congratulations on 66 days, that is absolutely amazing.  You are grieving some things used you used to do and some time you used to spend with that family member.  There is no reason why you cannot still find a way to spend time with her and explain that you just cannot be around smoke right now.  Surely, she will respect that...and Dale is right, she does not GET to smoke, she HAS to.  I had a crying spell when I was about 60+ days quit.  I could not figure out WHY, I just cried all the time.  I blogged about it and Dale told me that it was okay...I was "watering" my cheeks.  I was learning to let feelings out and so are you.  Please spend time on the site, read blogs, connect with people, there are lots of people struggling with various stages of depression.  I am so sorry that you lost one of your children.  I cannot imagine that grief.  

We are here and we want you to succeed at quitting.

Best to you,

Ellen

[tsssue4307]

Thank you all so very much    You have made me feel so much better.    I do think you are right about a neutral place.  I know she doesn't feel comfortable smoking here at my house but I know that she wants to.   On the other hand she has no problem smoking at her house in front of me.   It really didn't bother me the other day to be around her doing so but I didn't stay long.   I think you all hit on some very good points with me    Thank you again for making me feel not alone

[Barbscloud]

Congrats on your 66 days. That's amazing.  I have experienced feeling sad also.  Apparently, that's not uncommon.  Another one of those emotions we have to work through now without the crutch of smoking.  It will get easier.  Not recommending anything, but my sister smokes around me and I've been ok.  I even go outside with her to chat when she smokes.  I've had struggles with quitting like most and have had to avoid some situations for a while.   Have to do what works for you.  

137 DOF

[AnnetteMM]

You are not alone.  I'm very glad you came here to be with us. Nothing you've said is new to anyone who has been here awhile.  We all have family and feelings and struggles.  You're very courageous to write about them.  And welcome!