Day something... - BLACK cloud

[pero-the-vuk]

Most my life I seem to have been an a**hole magnet. No change of late. I live in a flat in London. I'mn surrounded by students... Loud students... Students that get in at 4am and make enough noise to keep you awake until they've tired themselves out, leaving you tired, narky, scrub that - I mean PISSED right off.

Of late I seem to be the 4 hour sleep guy.

The other night I was kept awake by my own temper, I was so angry, because I had an hour of dance beats rammed up my arse which I have politely asked to be kept out of my living space. I am 42 years old. I feel the next generation down are the most inconsiderate bunch of spoiled Mummy boys ever spawned.

I was on a train once, I was listening to my headphones, I had some rock music on loud, the song ended - I heard this voice, shout:

"Turn that f**king s**t DOWN"

I turned it down. (headphones... )

A few years ago I was living around the corner from where I live now, I got a broom handle knock on my ceiling. I took it to mean that the lady upstairs wasn't happy. I turned it down.

I've been compliant.

The last few days have been a blur of time, a distortion of sanity.

I want to smoke the largest cigarette in the world.

Goddammit...

[wishingstar]

How long have you been smoke free and is it worth?  Hell no its not and you know it. I'm 42 as well.  The issues  have now will not go away with a smoke. You Know damn well it only takes one puff or any form of tabaco to go back.. Got ask your  self < do you really wan't start and have to quit all over.  . Its hard enough the first month.

Vent your  anger , hit pillow or something, get  your self a small punch bag. Scream it out

[ShawnP]

Wow i read your blog and i seem to be running on 4 hrs last few days of sleep and have that black cloud as well. Take control of your mind. Deep breaths and whatever you do, dont pick up a cigarette. Glad you came here first. This moment in time you are experiencing will past. Hang in there. Big hugs

[ShawnP]

yikes all 3 of us are 42. What a coincidence!

[Michwoman]

I'll break the chain being 54 here lol.  Pero perhaps you should consider finding a new place to live. Those noisy students are going nowhere fast and smoking certainly won't change that. If you smoke you simply have a smoking problem on top of the noise.

You know as well as we all do that smoking won't help. Keep strong!

[nanawendy]

Smoking the largest cigarette in the world will not change anything. I am 139 days  smoke free and sure as hell don't wan't to start back at day one. Just one puff and you are back to square one. Keep your eyes on the prize  Stay strong  You can do this !!!

[Jenny78]

I think that I would find another place to live real fast. Just saying.

[djm]

My "wife" is extremely self-centered and hard to live with.  She has to have the tv on loud all night, usually very violent stuff.  I discovered earplugs.  They take some getting used to, but when they are in correctly, there is absolute silence, plus they keep all the ear wax gone in the long run!

[Nyima_1.6.13]

I didn't sleep more than 4 hours for the first two months of my quit! I was damn near psychotic from sleep deprivation. Time, what is time? I wish I had rowdy 'millennials' to blame it on but the obnoxious noise was my own thoughts as this ravenous addiction battled to exist in my head! I am sorry you are feelin' so agitated and I know this generation has it's nonconformist issues but your upset might be a little misdirected!?! This addiction sucks and will make you hate the world if you let it! Don't let it!!

You seem very committed to your quit so I am gonna' assume you did not find the largest cigarette in the world and smoke it! Can you talk to the landlord or does that just cause more problems?

[jojo_2-24-11]

pero,  I always thought that the crappy way the youth acted was only here in the US, I do know better now. Some of the younger generations are not very respectful in any manner,  their elders, the law, probably not even their own parents and certainly not theirself. I believe this happens all the time in every age group.  I am a little older than you and I do remember my own elders saying a few things like that about the younger generation. But I do believe most of the things we learn start at home. Once we hit a certain age we should know the difference between right and wrong, but doing the right thing is not always first in our own minds,

[Nyima_1.6.13]

Oh, I forgot! My goddaughter, who I raised, is 42 and I'm pretty sure there was a time when I was convinced your generation should have all been drowned at birth! So glad that wasn't the case....you all seem pretty fabulous now! Keep up the good fight and keep writing!

[YoungAtHeart]

Some of your anger could just be quit irritability......if you can, it might help to do a few jumping jacks, or scream into a pillow, or play a computer game..............anything to take your mind somewhere else.  Do you have any music you like and a good set of earbuds?  I love nature sounds, and am especially fond of some of the recordings of Dan Gibson.  He combines nature sounds and piano/flute, etc. I can get myself lost in the woods listening to Appalachian Mountain Suite.

You know you really don't want to smoke, and I HOPE you believe that smoking will  not make oe iota of difference in what life throws at you.  It will just make you MORE unhappy that you threw away your wonderful quit!

Stay strong and stay committed!  And, if I were you, I'd also start looking for a top floor flat!!!!!

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[Giulia]

If you can't knock 'em, go join' em.  Bang on their door in your jammies and when they open it just dash in and start dancin'!  Pretend you're that guy, whathisname, Matt sometbody who dances all over the world.  Tell them how much you enjoy their effing music.  Might scare them enough to SHUT THEM UP!  Ha.  Or, better yet, bring a boom box at 4 am when they're all quiet (preferably the night before finals) and THEN bang on their door and when they open it, BLAST them with some of their own music.

On a serious note - you have to hang onto your sense of humor.  Sometimes it's the only saving grace.  Channel that energy in a new direction (vengence??? ha!), it can change the color of that cloud.  But you gotta work at it.. 

And I hear ya about the "younger generation."  The older one gets, the more of those generations inhabit the world!!!!  I've got 20 years on you and it's only gonna get worse!   LOL   Just don't give up your quit.  Please don't.  It's actually a saving grace too.