So today is day four of attempt 4 or 5, maybe even 8 or 9... its gotten difficult to keep track of all of the failed attempts. I'm determined to quit for good this time. I know that I can do it. I've done it before, this time it will just be a matter of sticking to it.
Yesterday was the worst. Day three cravings are the worst, but what makes it even harder is knowing that every time that I have tried to quit and failed, I have fallen off the wagon on day three. Fortunately I made it through day three this time and it has actually given me a renewed sense of purpose and determination. I'm believing in myself again and it feels really good.
I really thought that working in the casino would make quitting more difficult, considering that people are allowed to smoke inside, but I think that it has actually helped a lot. People will walk by with a cigarette or walk up to my desk while they're smoking and instead of thinking "man I wish i could smoke" I've found myself thinking "Dear god that smells terrible! Don't blow that crap in my face!" and even once or twice "Oh no I think I'm gonna puke". I think that the patch is covering all of my physical cravings while the people at work are ruining my mental cravings.
It also helps to have my husband going through it all at the same time. Even when he isn't here with me, thinking about him and the longer healthier life that we will have together really helps more than anything else.
Well, today is day four and i guess all is... not so bad, and I'm feeling pretty confident about the next 6 weeks. For now I feel a craving coming on which means its time to go brush my teeth, drink a cold glass of water, and try to sleep through the cravings.
