.......blah. I'm at work and literally all I can do is hang out on becomeanex.com. I hope my boss is not getting mad at me, because I really feel like this is all I can do right now! If I stop even for a second, I start thinking about smoking, and if I've learned anything from quitting before, thinking is the enemy. It's like being the five year old in your room at night...if your head is under the covers, and you can't see the monster, the monster can't see you. I'm squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as possible and hoping the fucking monster goes away.
I almost wish that I hadn't pledged to stay smoke-free today on that stupid pledge group. All my brain is screaming is: "Come on, one more day won't matter! It's just one day! Quit tomorrow!" But I've been listening to that for a week now. It's never one more day.
I just want to go home and crawl under the covers. Maybe I'll do that when I get home. God, I can't even think straight right now. It's like everything is underwater. Reactions are slower, everything seems farther away, sounds are muffled....I've been through this before, but that doesn't help this feeling. I wish I were sleeping right now. Sleep through the first three days.....