Ok, I read the Allen Carr book last night and threw half a pack of cigs away and some outside plastic ashtrays but not my lighters cos I have a bunch of candles inside my place that will need lit. I have gone all day without a cig. I thought about diving in the dumpster to get my trash bag and 10 fags in it but then took a deep breathe and felt better. I have had a temper outburst and a bitch session and apologized for both. I tried to do what they say and have candy ready and was warned of my hunger/nicotine withdrawal pains but since they are really close I don't know if I am hungry or really jonesing for a cig. I have eaten two small corners of a piece of nicorette mint gum KNOWING that the more nicotine I put in my body will talk longer to go away but the urge was there and I only chewed it for a few minutes and still have over 3/4 of that piece of gum left so I am really conserving and not wanting to keep doing the nicotine. I have laid down on my bed twice this evening to give myself some breather instead of going outside to dumpster and I have cried alot. I did not realize how much that stupid little white thing hanging out my mouth had control of my life. I do not like this withdrawal thing and know that I have many days to deal with it. I am trying to be happy and feel like a non smoker but then my brain is telling me that I will always be a past smoker so I will never really be a normal non smoker. I think I'm going to bed so I can continue this mind game tomorrow.
