Day 84 - still trucking and in training (long read)

[John48]

I think today is day 84 from my calculations.  Almost at that 3 month mark it is going well.  I don't have cravings very often but every once in a while they creep up during stressful situations.  I feel great and I'm about to go work out at the fitness center here in the hotel. 

For now I'm tired of watching tv, I don't smoke and I'm bored.  I have time to kill so... 

As it is, I'm about a month into my OTR training.  Since the last update I have gone through 2 mentors and I am on my third and hopefully final.  I am currently in a Holiday Inn Suites near Detroit, Michigan. 

My last mentor had an issue with me being white, a blancito or gringo, and stated such.  He didn't like to train people like me he said since we were too differently culturally and linguistically.  Funny since I've never heard that having grown up with Puerto Ricans, Domincans and Cubans, friending and dating them.  But it was his issue, and after an argument where he couldn't meet me half way he stated that maybe I should get off his truck at the next terminal.  I agreed and waited for days at the El Paso, TX terminal until they bussed me up to Denver to meet up with my new trainer. 


So Wednesday I talked to my new mentor on the phone. He was going to call me sometime in the morning when he was about an hour away so I had time to wake up and walk with my stuff from the hotel back to the terminal to meet up.

I was tired and cranky from the long bus ride from El Paso to Denver due to my status as seat passenger's snugly teddy bear. I left my sleeping bag and pillow upstairs in the admin. area of the terminal and walked over to my hotel. To kill some time I walked over the railroad tracks and hit up the Arbys for some bacon roast beef concoction that sounded and looked better than it actually tasted. Should have went with the tried and true roast beef and cheddar and kept it cheaper. Hit up the nearby Walmart for a few supplies and walked back to the hotel.



My hotel fire and a sleepless (almost) night at the hotel...

Tired, I went to sleep sometime before midnight until I was abruptly awakened...........

Screeetchh.....screeettch......screeeettcch...........

I woke up to a very loud and disturbing noise. Being as I was absolutely exhausted and had only been sleeping for an hour or two I thought my cellphone alarm was prematurely going off. I reached over and started fumbling with it to get it to shut off. No luck. My next thought, half asleep, was that it was the smoke detector since that is where the noise was coming from. Out of instinct from my days of cooking in the kitchen I grabbed a bath towel and started fanning the smoke detector, half naked and almost fully alseep still. It did nothing to quiet it. I continued this for about 30 seconds before I started to realize that the smoke detector's protesting was not due to my cooking.

I debated putting clothes on before checking outside my hotel room door but I chose to put some on. A long time ago, on a cruise ship I had a bad experience with a practice drill alarm going off while I slept and I ended up in the hallway nearly naked among other ship passengers before realizing my mistake. Not to repeat this mistake, I put some clothes on and stepped out into the hallway of the hotel.

Immediately upon opening the door there was a guy coming out of the door across the hall and a woman coming out of a different room dragging her luggage. I remember the guy making a joke about her having all her belongings with her. As it would turn out (almost), the joke was on us as she was the smart one. The only things I thought to grab other than my sweatshirt was my aluminum wallet thing (As Seen On TV...according to the corresponding ad at the truck stop) and my cellphone.

We merged with other guests at the stairwell and made out way downstairs and outside, all of us equally confused why this alarm was going off at 1:00 AM in the morning. We were instructed to move out towards the street past the parking lot. As we did so fire engine after fire engine pulled up. I counted 12 emergency vehicles total and there was a helicopter with a spotlight hovering overhead. Fantastic....
                                                                                                                                                                                                 I took some pics of the action and some video including the helicopter overhead. Talking with a few other guests whom were apparently in the know, I heard there was a fire on the 5th floor starting in the laundry room. Someone must have forgot to clean out the lint catcher. Maybe.

There was a group gathering around, what appeared to be, someone in charge. I made my way over and the hotel manager (or whoever he was) was telling us that we would be shuttled over in shifts to another hotel while the fire department did its job. I asked about getting back into our rooms, undoubted a dumb question but I was concerned about my cpap machine and my inability to sleep without it, and was of course told no one would be allowed to go back inside. He stated that I could ask one of the firemen to go inside and get the machine. That's ok, I'll pass on any further stupid questions for the night. I was still sleepy and was thinking about how I'm supposed to meet up with my new mentor sometime in the morning yet all my belongings were still inside the burning hotel and even if I was shuttled over to the other hotel I still would not be able to sleep due to not having my machine. I was a little panicked but trying to go with the flow. I called and left my student mentor a message stating what was going down and that I wasn't sure what was going to happen as far as getting to my stuff before meeting with the mentor. Plus I was now concerned with not getting any sleep and having to drive the next day with the new mentor. Time passed and some guests had rushed over to the staging area. They began to be shuttled to the other hotel. One of the firemen stated we could go wait in a certain hallway on the 1st floor. There was a gas leak now in the hotel and I'm guessing that was the safe area. We went into the hall and stood around smelling the strong odor of gas. After a while a guest came inside stating that we could return to our rooms. Weird since I'm guessing the 5th floor was somewhat burned up and the hotel smelled strong of gas. But, since I was on the 2nd floor I wasn't going to argue. I rushed up to my room, locking my door behind me. If I was called out again at least this time I would have my stuff ready to go with me. I packed up everything but those things I needed in the morning before leaving. I slept for a few hours and got the mentor call around 8:00 AM. I had went back to sleep around 3:30 or later so now I was tired...


Thursday, meeting the mentor and seeing an old familiar face...

I packed up and walked back to the terminal. I got a text that my mentor was about 15 minutes away. I gathered my sleeping bag and pillow from the admin area and went back outside to the pavillion out in the side of the terminal. I noticed someone walking up to me but didn't really pay attention until he sat down and said "what's up man!". It was my 1st mentor.

I greeted with a surprised "what's up!" and we sat and talked for a while. He asked me what I was doing sitting there. I told him about my second mentor and what had gone down. I think he was somewhat surprised but maybe relieved that my second mentor did not work out. He asked me how he compared to my second mentor and I was left somewhat unable to answer. I told him I really couldn't have predicted what was going to happen with the second mentor but that, as it was, it turned out to be an unfortunate experience. We chit chatted for a few minutes and my phone rang. As I picked it up, at the same moment a younger guy walked over tattoo'd and skinny with a cellphone in his hand. My phone stopped ringing and it was my new mentor. Kind of a strange moment for a minute, I introduced my new mentor to my old mentor and bid my old mentor goodbye for now. I grabbed my stuff and made my way to the mentor's truck.

Immediately I was given a laundry list of what to do and not to do on the truck. I appreciate this since I don't like to have to read into things or infer only to realize later that I was doing something wrong. I like people to be upfront and direct so there is no question as to how things are to be. This was a good thing but, as I later found out, it was more compulsive and excessive than anything else. At this time though, I did appreciate the directness.


The load and life on the new truck...

We got our load to Milwaukee from Denver and headed out. Since my mentor had not driven with me yet he was overly cautious, not wanting me to drive in rain or anything worse. He was pretty high strung and on edge until he could see that I was safe. His truck was basically the same but smoother than the other two trucks I had trained in. This truck now is a Freightliner Cascadia. The others were Columbias. I'm hoping to get a Cascadia myself when I go solo. I like the features, the set up and the storage. Unfortunately, since starting this whole OTR training, I acquired an extra bag. It's a smaller duffel with wheels and a handle that I use for toiletries, towel, etc. to make it easier when I have to roll into a shower at a truckstop or terminal. So now I have my backpack with my laptop, paperwork and supplies, my large duffel with clothes and cpap machine, laundry detergent and some spare food and my rolling duffel with toiletries. Although there are tons of storage spaces on the Cascadia I was given access only to the little hole in the back of the cabinet near the top bunk. Not a big deal but I have to store everything at the foot of my bed, which I was already doing anyway, but now the pile of bags is much taller. It's almost from the bed to the roof on my bunk. Before I was given the space of one of the smaller cabinets with a shelf in it. I stored my backpack on one shelf along with anything I needed immediate access to and the bottom shelf I stored my aluminum wallet, cellphone, water, etc. I no longer have that space or convenience on here. Since my new mentor is anal about where everything goes I can't store anything up on the dash including my sunglasses or cell so I have to put everything on my top bunk where it undoubtedly falls off at some point. Not a huge deal but not very accomodating. He is particular to how everything is done, which I understand to a point. But he goes so far as to point out the direction my capped pens are pointed is almost too much. Like we talked about, this is his home basically so I am a visitor and need to respect things as such. I understand this as I would probably be the same way to a point. But I also think mentors need to understand that visitors need to be accomodated to a certain point within reason. I have to live there for a number of weeks and being excessively restrictive doesn't make it comfortable. Anyway, I can live with it. It's temporary.


Mentor's issues explained...

He asked me if I had heard of ADHD. I had. He said he had a version of that but an angry version where he cant control his temper. Sometimes, supposedly, he blanks out when he gets mad and says and does things he later regrets. He takes medications for it. He was telling me this as a warning. Whatever. He told me how he had got himself into trouble before with an ex when he (inadvertently) had picked his ex up by her neck. If it had been my sister or mother or I would have (inadventently) knocked him out and buried him in a pit of lime somewhere along the Hudson River. He is very easily irritated, not just by me but by everyone - shippers, store clerks, waitresses, other drivers. He cuts people off to punish them, he won't tip anyone regardless, he gets mad when I helped out an old woman stuck at the truck stop that was stranded and he gets pissed at other truckers when they do something he doesn't like at the shippers to the point where I am secretly waving and saying "sorry" for his actions. Again, I'll deal with it but the sooner this is all over the better...

At times he is upbeat and those are the best times. Also, when he trusted me enough that he slept while I drove I was in heaven. I love driving and I love most aspects of this job. I love seeing all the new places, I love the challenge of driving in the cities and closer quarters, I love sleeping in my bunk every night and unwinding. He has been off and on irritable for, what seemed to me, no apparent reason. To his credit, he would apologize later and explained that he has other issues going on - 3 specifically. His grandparents' death anniversary is coming up (tomorrow) and he visits their grave, his buddy whom also drives for Swift blacked out and crashed his Swift truck (uninjured but unknown why he blacked out) and the mentor's (possibly soon to be ex) girlfriend is showing signs of cheating. So this has his him all worked up. I feel for him this way because the last thing I would want is to be on the road with heavy things on my mind. Guys and gals out there who have families at home with real world issues I can feel for. I don't know how I could handle life on the road with major issues going on at home, in addition to the absence of loved ones. Tough situation so I'm glad that he at least tells me what is going on so I can understand why he is irritable. His rules I can adjust to and abide by. It's not my house.

Strangely, I saw a coyote in the grassy median yesterday in Michigan heading up to here. At first I couldn't tell what it was and then of course it looked like a dog. As we got closer and the headlights shone more brightly on it, it was a coyote that appeared to be waiting to navigate his way across the road. He was just standing there staring and looking lost. Didn't think there were coyotes in Michigan but I guess you learn something new everyday. The rest of the trip up here was somewhat uneventful.



Truckstop, the old woman and the cutie...

The old woman that was stranded at the truck stop was first spotted sitting near the door the night before I went to sleep. She was in a pretty rough state and had alarmingly long chin hairs. She had been sitting near one of the side entrances on a beige plastic chair with it's back against the wall. This fact stuck in my mind as I went back to the truck to go to sleep. She had asked me that first night as I passed her if I was heading west. I had told her 'no' as we were heading up to Michigan. I thought about her for a while, at least her situation, as I went to sleep that night using my machine for the first time in days.

As it was I had not really slept in days. In summary, the night before I didn't use my machine so I did not sleep. The night before that was the hotel fire. The night before that was the bus trip with no sleep. So this first night with my machine I slept great.

To backtrack a little, the first time I met my mentor I had mentioned to him that I had out a cpap machine and asked if he had an inverter in the truck. He said he did but had his things already hooked up to it and it was used up with his Xbox, tv and cooler. He asked me if I had to use the cpap and I said yes to get rest. He said to sleep that night first night without the machine to see how it goes even though I already know how it goes without my machine - I don't sleep. It's prescribed to me for a reason and it is on my DOT medical card and long forms. I reluctantly slept that first night without it since I didn't want to start out arguing with him about the merits of the cpap and getting a restful nights sleep. That first night with him I didn't fall to sleep as I usually do when I used the machine. I consciously tried to monitor my breathing so I could fall asleep comfortable. I consciously lied there thinking "deep inhale through the nose, deep exhale out the mouth...". It failed. Every time I nearly dozed off I would awake to the sensation of someone putting their hand over my nose and mouth, suffocating me. It felt like I was drowning and I would awake to taking a deep recovery breath as I had stopped breathing. I can honestly say it was so uncomfortable that I didn't want to fall asleep any longer if I was going to wake up from suffocation. Every time I woke up my heart would be pounding against my chest. This went on for hours until I finally got up out of the bunk when he awoke. I had been lying there earlier getting more and more pissed off at him for suggesting and implying that I didn't need the machine and at myself for agreeing with him not to use it. I already knew what happens when I don't use it and I remembered back to an unfortunate day months ago when I actually half fell asleep without the machine. It was a miserable day. In a way I hate the fact that I need to strap the #### thing on my head every night but I also know how it gives me rest that I wouldn't otherwise get. I debated getting out of the bunk early and just going back into the truckstop to kill time. I didn't want to wake him tho in the process so I just lied there stewing and trying to sleep. When he got up I directly told him there is no way I can sleep without the machine and that I would buy an inverter at the truckstop. I found a 175w one inside for about $30. That sleepless night I thought about scenarios. My cpap machine is prescribed to me and I am required to use it to drive. I was thinking of hypothetical situations. Had I gotten into an accident, after not using the machine, I could be held to be grossly negligent, possibly criminally negligent. Unlike prescription glasses that can be taken off and put on at will, my machine has a memory card that can not be altered and it keeps track of my usage. Post accident, not only could I lose my CDL and job, not only could I possibly be imprisoned and sued but the company could be sued as well. That's not even counting the injury or death of someone I hit. I thought about this that night while I tried to sleep and it made me angry at myself and angry at him. In the morning after telling him that I had to buy an inverter I explained to him my thoughts about the hypothetical situation. He knew everything. Sleep apnea was caused my excessive face weight around the chin. No, wrong. It was caused by the position I slept. No, wrong. It was like tonsils. No, wrong. He apparently knew everything about everything but nothing at all. That was the first night...


So this second night, after getting rest finally and using my machine, I got up and went back into the truckstop to use the bathroom and find a hot chocolate. The old woman was still in the same spot, same chair and position. I walked by her and smiled. I called my checking account to check my funds and went directly to the ATM. I heard that I had enough money and I planned on giving her something or buying her a meal. I took some cash out at the ATM ($4.00 fee, really?!?) and asked if the old woman had eaten. She said she had the night before. I asked her if I could buy her something to eat anyway and she said she was ok, she was alright.   I pulled out a $20 and I walked out. She had tried to refuse the money graciously but I know she could use it. She thanked me profusely and unnecessarily. Who knows how long she was going to be stuck there. Not to compare humans with dogs, but the whole situation reminded me of that stray dog that was at the truck stop in the fuel islands a week ago. It was undoubtedly lost. I first saw the dog as I pulled forward from the fuel island and parked the truck to go inside. He was a little guy, black and kind of shabby. No collar. He looked up at me, as he probably had with every other trucker that would have pulled up near him, and he stared at me the way dogs do when they want something. I tried to walk up to him talking to him in my pleasant dog voice. He continued to look up at me but backed away when I got closer. It was odd seeing a stray dog in a heavily trafficked truckstop, busy with trucks pulling forward from the fuel islands or pulling out or parking. Among all these monsters of machinery was this little black mutt begging for something and lost. Since I didn't have anything to give him, debating whether giving him something would maybe put him at more risk since he would stay there risking getting hit, I continued inside the truckstop store. On the way out he had obviously moved and he was closer to the door, again looking up at me in that look that he wanted something I couldn't provide. I left hoping that an owner operator wanting a hairy four-legged companion would coerce him into their truck and he would live a life of trucking companionship with his new keeper. I can only hope and this is what I tried to convince myself as I made my way back to my truck to leave dogless. There is something especially poignant about lost souls, stray beings at truck stops. Something about the transient nature of everything and someone or something being stuck there lost. It strikes me especially hard.

We talked about the woman inside and my mentor said I was used by her. I don't think so having grown up around my share of hustlers. She never asked me for money and I think she was honestly stuck. She was asking for a ride out west and that was all. She wasn't begging and never once asked for money. She wouldn't even take my $20 until I just left it in front of her and walked away. If she played me then I'm fine with it. I would rather take my chances with her.

The mentor and I ate (at different times) at the Iron Skillet at that truck stop. We were about to eat together when he got a phone call from his girlfriend back home. He wanted privacy and told me to go eat. I went inside to eat alone and he went later. I later told him about a cute waitress there whom I regretted not striking up a conversation with. She wasn't my server but we exchanged smiles and glances a few times. I first saw her when I walked in but since I wanted to sit in booth where I could plug in my cellphone, I sat in an area that she didn't cover. I had a male server instead. She was cute. Probably in her mid '30s she was built well, not too skinny, not too big. I'm a sucker for pony tails and women with baseball caps and she had the requisite pony tail. Despite the waitress smock, she had a nice body and was attractive. I checked her out whenever I could trying not to be creepy. I saw her talking with my server and she would look over and smile. Occasionally as I would look up from my Angry Birds session on my cell I would see her making her way back into the kitchen. She always looked over and smiled purposely. Once another female server huddled with her near the kitchen and she made a pointing motion to the other girl and looked over towards me. That was my sign, at least with my mentality, but sometimes I'm not always accurate with physical cues. She wasn't trying to be friendly to me as a customer but I could tell it was something more. But, being a trucker and student, what could I possibly say anyway since it's not like I live locally or would have been around that particular place much longer. So I tipped my server and the cutie and I exchanged a long glance and smile while I paid my tab up front. Life on the road I guess but despite the meal eaten, I was feeling kind of empty walking out and regretted not doing something more. But what?

Getting back on the road, we had talked about the waitress and got on the subject of tipping. He stated he never tips since they are getting paid anyway. There was no point. He got annoyed that I had tipped my server dude since he hadn't done anything special, according to the mentor. I disagree since I've worked in professions where you rely on a tip for doing a good job. Odd that me tipping someone would annoy someone else but whatever. I have no regrets.


First drive...

We began driving and my mentor was nervous. He questioned everything I did as he didn't know how I drove prior to being his student. It was like relearning everything all over again or at least demonstrating everything over again. Everything I did was wrong apparently...
...Don't drive through the truckstop in 1st gear, do it in low gear. Why do you drive with your headlights on instead of the parking lights and fog lights?...headlights are not necessary until you get out onto the road. Why do you sit so high in the seat? Who told you to hit your splitter after getting into 4th - what happens if you had to suddenly shift into 3rd and your splitter was up? Ad nauseum. These questions went on for the first few hours. I just said "uh huh"s and carried on with it. It's his truck. Either way, as I always do, I filter what I can learn and take with me and the rest I tuck away in my little mental trash can to be emptied later. I do appreciate what I can take with me.

The current situation is that my mentor has hometime until we leave this Tuesday. He stated he did not know how the whole student in the hotel thing works during his hometime. I disagree but didn't say anything to him. I was told during orientation that the mentor is responsible for arranging our motel when they have hometime. They pay for it and either get reimbursed or not. That part I don't know but I do know that the student does not pay. The other option I have heard of is staying at a mentor's house. To my mentor's credit, he did offer for me to stay in his little sister's room during the hometime but since I like my privacy I told him I would be uncomfortable with that and would prefer the motel. He told me he would put me in the Holiday Inn that he placed some other student in the past. After t-calling our load at the local terminal we bobtailed to his house and he parked the truck. He got his car and drove me to the hotel late last night. He bargained for a cheaper rate since this is $85 a night and that was the best she could do. It was originally $90. I had looked up motels on my phone and 15 minutes away in Lansing were motels that were half the price. He said he didn't want to drive there despite the motels there being around $45 or $50. He arranged for me to stay for three nights, last night thru Tuesday morning. When I got up this morning the front desk person told me that his card would only cover enough for 2 nights. I texted him and told him this. He said that I may have to stay with him the last night, Monday night. I'm not sure if I should just pay the $85 for Monday night and stay here comfortably (don't really want to pay that much for a room out of my pocket honestly), stay at his house or stay in the truck Monday night. Since I'm not comfortable with the idea of staying in his little sis's room I may just have to stay in the truck that night, as long as I have access to a bathroom. Ideally, I would rather just pay $45 in Lansing if I must but I know he doesn't want to drive there. I'm not even going to ask. I'm going to call my student coordinator tomorrow morning and see if they will reimburse me for the room if I pay for it tomorrow night. I told him I would check to see if what my student coordinator says. I'm guessing they will say "no" so I'm not really counting on that option. For tonight I'm about to walk next door to the Meier store and buy a bathing suit. There is a small gym downstairs and a pool I plan on using tonight.

Life is pretty good at almost 90 days smokefree...