Well, finally had my first smokemare. It sucked!!
I came home and fell asleep in the recliner after a day of serious family drama that left me drained and exhausted from being surrounded by fighting and smoking family members. During a heated argument, I was the ONLY ONE sitting at the table who was not smoking. Even my brother-in-law who never smokes was smoking!! I did get up and walk away a few times but I didn't smoke........until I fell asleep.
As if I wasn't drained enough already, this smokemare kicked my ass!!! I was sitting at a table in an empty restaurant doing paperwork (no idea why). My husband (who just quit a week ago) walked up to me, reached across the table and took a half smoked cigarette out of my hand and dropped it on the floor. He asked why I was doing that, took the pack of cigs from the table and walked away. I was dumbfounded and said "I didn't even know I was!!"
I felt like somebody kicked me in the gut. I was SO angry at myself. SO hurt. SO disappointed. Couldn't believe I was smoking and didn't even realize it. Couldn't believe I had to start all over again. I was sick to my stomach and just layed there half awake and half asleep in the recliner.
I was fully awakened when my niece came in the room. I brought her home with me last night to get her away from the drama. I still wasn't sure it was a dream. I had on the same clothes I fell asleep in (minus the bra because I can sleep right through taking that sucker off and flinging it across the room). I knew I hadn't been anywhere, much less to an empty restaurant. It MUST have been a dream. But it felt SO real.
The pack my husband took off the table were my Mom's brand, not mine. I guess the stress from yesterday's event set off the dream. I'll be just fine if I never ever have to go through another dream like that again. It was way too vivid and made me beat myself up way too much!!! I know one thing..... I don't ever want to feel like that because I really did smoke. SO not worth it!!
