Day 80 not going well.

[Jules7]

I am on day 80 and frankly I want to smoke. I am hanging on by my fingernails but it is not going well. I am depressed, as I blogged about yesterday. I am frustrated with work. I do not feel like there is anything to look forward to in my days. I understand that smoking will not solve any of these problems. I do feel like I may not make it and that is the first time I have really felt like that was a possibility since I quit smoking.

I am trying to do the right thing by coming here first.

[barbara42]

Jules, please see it for what it is, that is the addictions last ditch effort to try to get you to smoke, tell it HELL NO, you have come too far, just hang on please peace!

[rj_]

Way too far to quit now, just dont light it up, it is junkie thinking, making you think smoking will help end frustruation, stress etc.

That being said, think about talking to your doctor concerning depression, smoking sometimes mask the issues of real clinical depression which is nothing to ignore.

Best to you...RJ

[hwc]

So Jules, let's go back to the two choices that all ex-smokers have:

a) smoke no cigarettes. Not one

b) smoke all cigarettes, your full rate

Are you really saying that you think your life would somehow be "better" if you start smoking the 7300 cigarettes you'll smoke in 2009 ( a pack a day) and the 7300 you'll moke in 2010? Are you saying you are just going to throw in the towel and smoke a pack a day until it kills you? You can't seriously think you'll quit again "someday". What are the odds of investing all the work to get 80 days into another quit after you've thrown in the towel.

I can't imagine making those choices when you are so close to comfort as an ex-smoker. Surely you have something in your bag of tricks to work through some kind of urge to smoke.

[shannon13]

Jules, I have been using Zyban (Wellbutrin SR) for smoking cessation, it works wonders for depression too. IF your doctor prescribes it as a generic your insurance company will likely cover the cost of it. Hang in there, it is soooo much worth it and you will be glad tomorrow morning instead of hitting yourself in the head wishing you hadn't puffed again on those nasty things!!!

[carlie]

Jules...Part of what you're having a problem with right now, is you DO realize that smoking won't help....ANYTHING !!! Won't give you a new boss...won't give you a new, exciting project....relieve the stress ...?...NO (but the junkie thinking wants you to think it might make the stress at least "better") I fail to see one thing...Just ONE...POSITIVE thing smoking would do for you right now !!! Make you feel better ??? Not with all that guilt you would be feeling !!!

You have come TOO FAR....you have gone through SO MUCH.....Do you REALLY ...REALLY want to throw all that away now ????

HUH ?????
I love ya, little sister.....we've come too far to blow it all !!!!

Love & Light......I wrap you in it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ctm]

Jules, you always do the right thing by coming here first. That tells me that you really want to keep this quit. You have worked very hard for it.

I had the holiday blahs yesterday. I blew off some steam with my blog and that lifted my spirits way up. I am not completely happy but am almost back to what I consider to be normal.

My point is that the depression and frustration that you are feeling now is going to go away. The holidays have burned a lot of us out. Smoking is not going to make those feelings go away.

After 80 days, if you did smoke, the cigarette would taste horrible and you would be very angry with yourself and feel even worse than you do now.

Please hang in there my friend. It will get better.

Hugggs

[christine2007]

Oh my... you CAN hang in there! You CAN. Bad days and ugly jobs come and go. Let's try the gratitude mantra... I'm happy for... and then start naming all the things that you're grateful for... right down to the soft slippers.. or whatever. Put those negative thoughts on HOLD, permanently.

What's your plan??? Put a plan together to help you through this. You probably would only feel more defeated "if" you relapsed... SAVE yourself that trauma!!!!! Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[barbara42]

MySpace Comments you said you like dogs, so here you are

[kimber]

80 days wow I envy you that. The biggest thing keeping me from giving in at day 3 is I never want to have to go through this again!!! I know that sometimes life sucks and there is nothing to look forward to... those words have come from my lips as well. Smoking just like food will not make those feelings go away. I often feel lost and alone but somehow it too will pass. I am grateful to be taking care of my great nephew and theres nothing like a baby to put things in perspective. Find something you used to enjoy doing and go do it. Or go see someone who makes you smile and laugh... you can do it... stay strong and I wish you the best!!

[jim_taddeo]

I know this...there is plenty of shit that drives me nuts about people and work and relationships and politics and ON AND ON AND ON. If I stay on the subject IT DOES NOT TAKE ME VERY LONG to cranked up into almost a rage. Hell sometimes I do go off. IMAGINE THAT! I used to go outside a huff down two or three smokes to "calm" down. I used feel like I was trapped in the damned job I have. I used to feel like I worked for people that were not as good as I was at what we do. I used feel like they don't pay me enough for what I do cleaning up their messes. I used to think there was no where else to go and that there was no way out.

You know what Jules? As long as my JUNKIE MIND WAS BELIEVING THAT SHIT ALL OF IT WAS TRUE! AND I USED TO ABUSE ALL KINDS OF SHIT AND USE CRAP LIKE THAT AS A DAMNED EXCUSE! If you don't like where you are and what you are doing then START TAKING THE NECESSARY STEPS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOT KILL YOURSELF! DAMN THAT! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! WHY SHOULD YOU COMMIT SUICIDE FOR THAT STUPID SHIT! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT EVEN IF IT TAKES YEARS TO GET THERE. SMOKING MIGHT TAKE YEARS TO KILL YOU. BUT I'LL BET NOT! Bottom line is YOU HAVE COME WAY TOO FAR TO GIVE IN NOW. DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT BETTER! I'M NOT SATISFIED WITH WHERE I AM BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I'M KILLING MYSELF FOR IT!
Papa

[jim_taddeo]

Some of the above MAY still be true but there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going back to smoking because of it. When the opportunity arises to make your change MAKE DAMN SURE YOU ARE READY TO TAKE IT. OTHERWISE IT'S YOUR FAULT. IT still won't be a valid reason to smoke, drink, snort, shoot, or otherwise! PERIOD!
Papa

[Jules7]

You all are the best. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but for today I am smoke free. Could not have made it without you all! Thanks for being there to talk tough and to hold my hand!

[SaraSmile]

I remember feeling depressed around 80-90 days Jules. It really does pass! It was like I stopped thinking about quitting as a punishment, I stopped thinking I was missing something. I know you'll do the right thing Jules! I believe in YOU! We all do girl! I heard someone say: You're only one smoke away from a pack a day! You don't really want to start smoking again, do you? My prayers are with you girlfriend!
BIG, GIANT, BEAR HUGS!
Sara

[shelly13]

Jules.....HOLD ON !!!!!!!!! Whatever you do.................HOLD ON !!!!!

[shelly13]

I am right there with you......for the desire.....................BIG difference? YOU have 80 days under your belt! Thing about how good you feel INSIDE....................with fresh air....take lots of DEEP breaths.............lots and lots..........if you get tired of doing that..........do it some more.!

[shelly13]

(think)........not thing....was typing to fast.

[ctm]

I'm happy to hear that Jules.

[SaraSmile]

[cindy16]

Hang in ther Jules. We are here for you. Stay with us girlfriend. Stay strong. Don't screw up your quit.You came so far.

[Jules7]

Off to bed smoke free. Thanks everyone!

[christine2007]

Hugs, Jules!

[sarai]

Hey there - how are things going now? Seems like I have missed a lot going on in your life.

Sounds more like what you want is something to make you feel better - not necessarily a cigarette. I mean, by day 80, you've conquered the physcial addiction, and not to mention having conquered the psychological addiction - I mean, you didn't make it to day 80 by magic!

Believe me, I understand the depression and the feeling of general helplessness, and of course the frustation. I would recommend excercise - or getting on the phone and venting to a friend... you've taken the first good step by coming here and blogging first, though! Find something you enjoy doing and do it - take your mind off smoking and everything else. I've taken a bit of a time out myself 🙂