Day 75 and facing BIGGEST challenge yet

[Beck37]

I can’t believe it’s day 75 already, it has gone so fast. For the most part have been doing really well. Am sleeping again, no longer feel anxious, but have gained a few pounds which I am not happy about at all. Definitely feeling the effects of No Mans Land. I thank God for my stubbornness every day as I refuse to let myself down by smoking again.

But that brings me to my challenge... Friday I fly to Virginia to visit my sister. First of all this will be my first flight ever as an adult without the whole “manic” how will I survive without a cigarette. Palm Springs Airport best ever, you go thru security and walk into huge outdoor courtyard where you can smoke right up to departure. Land in Houston, how much time before my next flight, where is the nearest exit, do I have time to run outside and get back thru security. Okay I get to Virginia finally.... walk fast, have time to race outside to have a cigarette before my luggage arrives and who cares anyway it will wait! Those who travel know exactly what I’m saying. The craziness. 

Now let me share some background. My sister is 4 years older than me. Growing up that 4 years was a HUGE age gap. She had nothing to do with me. She was a cheerleader, dated the captain of the football team, voted most popular and of course prom queen. As an adult she was extremely successful, having an exciting career, making lots of money. Got to retire at age 54 collecting lots of money for the rest of her life. Made nothing but smart decisions her entire life. Me, not so much. I have looked up to her my entire life, never with jealousy always hoping that some day she would “see” me and want me in her life. Well about 10 years ago it finally happened. It still surprises her how much alike we are.... okay so here is the kicker, she and her husband smoke and a lot. In my normal life I am not around anyone that smokes. When my sister and I get together I smoked alot more cause there you can smoke in the house, car, everywhere. We sit around playing cards, Mexican train, games and you smoke. It seems like our relationship is built on smoking. We would be the 2 sneaking off to have a cigarette. 

I find myself making excuses as to why I quit smoking. Like I “sold out”. Now mind you she is proud of me that I have quit. She thinks I’m incredibly strong having walked away from both alcohol and smoking, so it’s more of a “me” thing. I have just waited soooooo many years to be “accepted” by my sister I don’t want to screw up either our relationship or my quit. It’s crazy, I know it’s just the little sister thing coming back to haunt me. We never do truly grow up. 

I am so excited about my vacation but this is a HUGE first of. I know when (notice I didn’t say “if”) I survive this, I can make it thru anything! 

Beck

[Barbscloud]

We know that any first is a challenge without smoking not matter what it is.  Sisters have very special bonds.  I was away from my sister  for many years because of her addiction.  Prior to that we were best friends and she's 9 years younger than me.  For many years, my husband, my sister and I we're inseparable.    We've only reunited about 2 years ago.  We've spend lots of time smoking together over the years. She still drives me crazy.  We're different in so many ways.  She's a smoker still and smokes outside at my house.  That's fine with me.  I'll even go out and sit with her on the porch.  She went with me to pick up Charlie and since it was  long ride she actually asked it she could smoke with the window down.  Of course I said no, but she shouldn't have even asked.  Because she's the little sister, I should give in.   I  hardly doubt this will screw up your relationship.  If it does, then there's already something else wrong.   I understand what you're saying, but this is really going to be OK.  You already said she's proud of you. She's probably looking up to you now for your strength in becoming a non-smoker.   You'll have another first under your belt when you return.  Have a wonderful trip.

Barb

[Barbscloud]

Forgot.  Congrats on 75!

[DonnaMarie]

Wow. So familiar. We're both in the same quit scenario and have the sister thing going. We are both doing lots of new firsts. My sister still smokes and she goes outside. She doesn't smoke in my car. And today, she said she wished she had what it takes to quit.

Anyway, stay true to yourself. Make your quit no big deal and just hang and enjoy. Easier said than done. 

Hugs and have a lovely visit.

Donna

Day 83

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Look at it as your new life and see how they react.

Perhaps you will inspire them.

Enjoy the trip.

[Tabbiekat]

Congrats on 75 days My sister is 12 yrs older then me- talk about an age gap, by the time I was 13, I was her babysitter..lol, the last 20 yrs we haven't been close at all, I went my way and I'm happy. As far as going into a house of smokers. I was faced with that challenge Thursday. My girlfriend, who smokes, but is in the "I want to quit, but not ready to quit" stage, is renting a room from a couple who both smoke. I went to visit with her Thursday and it seemed like everyone was chain smoking. I just sat on the couch as far away from them as I could, had my breath mints and water and just enjoyed our talks and visits. Since we were going out to dinner with her sister the visit was short. I had no problem not smoking, but for the first time since I have quit- both this time as well as back in 2017 I realize how bad 2nd hand smoke does impact me. I was sneezing like crazy by the time we left for dinner and then for most of the night. I woke up Friday and had a cough. If anything it reinforced my resolve to stay away from smoking myself, but its going to be hard going back to that house too. Hopefully with your not smoking they will at least slow if not stop smoking around you, worse case just excuse yourself and step outside if needed. I understand the "family" thing, but they should be able to respect and be understanding of your boundaries too, while still keeping what you have built with your sister. You can do this- and hey enjoy your smoke free flights

Tabbie

[Beck37]

Thanks Tabbie.... even before I quit I would walk into their house and the smell of smoke would be soooooo bad. Now it will be that much worse. I’ve already warned her that if it gets too overwhelming I will just step outside. I’m also hoping we can schedule a bunch of hikes so we can get outside moving around. I’m sure it’s got to be hard for your girlfriend contemplating quitting knowing that she has chain smokers in the house. Thanks again for reaching out!

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[Beck37]

Unfortunately my sisters husband will never quit... I’m sure he believes I “sold out”. And if he doesn’t quit, she won’t.

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[Beck37]

Thanks so much Donna. I think a lot of it will just be the “habit” of what I did when I was at their house. Let’s face it at the amount of days we’re at that is what we are facing. Many first ofs. I know she will go out of her way to make it as easy for me, it’s just all me...

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[Beck37]

Thanks so much Barb. Sister relationships can be so tricky. It’s funny, she never had a clue that I looked up to her. I’m just so lucky that we are so close now. She’s the reason that once I retire I’m moving to Virginia. My family lives all over the world/country.... it does get lonely at times.

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[indingrl]

Please continue to take care of YOU first and hope you have a good vakay! 

[Beck37]

Thanks so much! My journey continues every day, really working on becoming a happier, more fulfilled person. Learning to let go of things I can’t control and living in the now. I wish I could have gotten smarter about some things a long time ago, but know it’s a lot sooner than a lot of people. It’s exciting....

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[Barb102]

Wow 75 days you must be so proud and ver protective of your quit. Please don’t think you sold out by having the courage and the strength to quit. We both know it takes both. I was afraid of the plane and the vacation last year. I did it. You will too what helped was to make a mental note of all the good things since I quit. You and your sister are not joined in addiction. You are joined in blood. She may not quit but you should not be ashamed you did. Simply say it was time for me to quit. Let it go at that. It’s the truth. 

[sweetplt]

Hi Beck37 I wish you a safe trip and good vacation.  I pray for your strength to say NOPE.  Relationships change all the time and maybe you and your sister will find a new bond other than smoking and drinking.  You have worked hard for 75 Days of Freedom, hang on to it...will have you in my thoughts ~ Colleen 96 DOF

[YoungAtHeart]

I think you will be pleasantly surprised how much less stressful the plane(s) are going to be.  I wasn't the least bit stressed the entire time I was in the airport, through Security, on the plane, the plane ride.  I was amazed at how totally calm I was --- and it was all because I was no longer jonesing for that fix in the airport and in the air, no longer worrying about getting my next one. 

Maybe have some Vicks handy to put under your nose.  The slight burn will remind you of your quit, and the smell will cover up a bit of the smoke smell.  Also be sure to keep your cold bottle of water handy from which to sip.  I would spend as little time in that smoke filled house as you can.   Hopefully the weather will cooperate so you can spend lots of time outside.  Be sure to open the window where you sleep to get some fresh air in.

I'm so happy for you that you have established a relationship with your sister.  Wish I had one - but I only had a brother who I was not close to as our age difference was significant, and he died at a young age.  Happy you were able to talk a a bit about about how the visit will go without you smoking.

Enjoy!

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

he may surprise you.

70% of people who smoke wish they didn't.

[Beck37]

Thanks Nancy... so sorry you never had a chance to have a relationship with your brother. Too sad. Luckily the thoughts of first ofs are normally scarier than what they turn out to be. That is one of the things I am working on now, living in the moment. I am definitely a worrier and like to plan all my worries in advance. I’ve already googled and emailed her all kinds of ideas to get us active and out o the house.

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[Beck37]

Again it is so silly how we adapt to people around us. We’re either embarrassed cause we were the only ones smoking or making excuses as to why we quit around people that do. One more thing to put on my list to work on. Funny how we don’t start getting smart until after we turn 50. I actually started getting bette looking too, such a shame... LOL

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[YoungAtHeart]

Planning is good; obsessing not so much.  Sounds like you are doing the proper amount of preparation....so far!

[Sootie]

Oh---I remember flying as a smoker! You are right.....it was like a "job" planning my smoke breaks and learning every quirk of every airport. SOOOOOO much less stressful now----you'll love it!

Congratulations on 75 days and enjoy your visit with your sister. I'm sure they will be very proud of you AND you should be proud of yourself. There are 8 years between my sister and I but we were always close.......just in different ways through the years. Since we lost my Mom last year we are even closer than before. She smokes and it makes me sad every day. I wish so much that she would quit.

Happy smoke free flying!

[Beck37]

Thanks so much. I’m looking forward to having all my first ofs out of the way. Although I know there are many ahead this is a big one. Looking forward to 2 weeks off and we always have a good time. Plus she lives on the water so it is beautiful.

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