I’m going through a metamorphosis. Today is my day 6 of not smoking and day 8 of not drinking. I’m in the midst of some cataclysmic life changes; in the past year and a half I’ve lost both parents and now I’m getting divorced.
It became clear to me that the only way though this phase is to make absolute certain I come out of it the truest version of myself. That means living a life free from shame. I’ve been living in shame for two decades now. I’m ashamed for smoking, ashamed for drinking, ashamed for not wanting to be married. Well now it’s changing and I’m slowly shifting.
This morning I danced to Solomon Burke in my kitchen and felt almost euphoric. I haven’t danced in the kitchen in maybe a decade.
I dare dream about the woman I can become. It’s always felt so impossible and out of reach. I’ve been terrified of dying without knowing and living my truest self.
I’m writing this so I can look back on it during dark days filled with cravings and self doubt. Who do I want to be? Shame and disgust? Or do I want to be the woman who dances in the kitchen?
