I had an urge at a Christmas party I hosted last Saturday. (I probably should have blogged earlier than this). Waiting for the guests I felt the old familiar feelings arise. I had some nog and thought of other things. Shortly thereafter the guests arrive. While all are socializing and talking and laughing, it hits me! Bam!: all of my pores opened; my nerve endings were electrified; the hairs on my neck stood on end; my insides started SCREAMING from the inside out! A noise may have escaped my lips but I doubt anyone noticed I was 'having a moment.' After a few secconds, it was over...and I was good. I hadn't had such an intense feeling like that since very early in my quit. I think I have a better understanding and appreciation of No Man's Land, and the warnings everyone foretold: the newness of quitting smoking is gone and I'm experiencing real life and former smoking situations without cigarettes. I've thought about this moment a lot in the last week, kind of awed by it. I know I never want to smoke again. I live by NOPE and completely embrace my new smoke free life. But NML is something to be on guard about. I didn't like that I was surprised by that; frankly I didn't like anything about it...except one thing, and thtat's the learning expereience. Never let your guard down. Never be surprised by anything; expect the unexpected. Then celebrate the victory. NOPE
DAY 50 today!
