You would think being 312 days quit I would not be thinking of smoking but today i have thought more then once about it . Thoughts like, Oh what is the use, who cares if I smoke or not !,I have no money to show for it anyway on and on .....I am sorry to be so negative but if you all want real well you got it today .
Many things are going wrong I have to have 3 minor surgeries beginning in January , I work Per diem and have had no hours this week I need money for bills oil electric etc. After surgery I will not be able to work for awhile and the social security I get is just not enough . The worse thing is Our dog Lily needs a tooth removed, she needs ear surgery and she has lumps which the Vet thinks are malignant and they will not do anything for her until we pay off the bill we owe plus pay another $200.00 towards the surgery.
I know smoking will not solve any of these problems and it would even be worse because I cannot afford to smoke ! Lily is my roomates dog and is just like a child to her. She never had children so it is really even more upsetting to her . In fact if anything happens to Lily or when it does I do not know how she will handle it . All of these things plus my roomate smokes and sometimes I want to just grab one of her cigarettes !
The holidays always make me sad especially when unable to buy for the people I love or be with them . It also conjures up many memories of "The good ole days " when all of us were together . Yesterday was the anniversary of my best friends death it has been 2 years already .I was with her when she passed which was very sad but also a blessing I was there to help her in the last few weeks of her life . I was trying to quit smoking then but didn't make it She would say to me don't worry I know you will do it someday ! She was an ex smoker . I miss her so much going back to the Vineyard never seems the same now that she is not there . I am going to make my avatar a picture of her for a few days In her honor .
Okay now you may all tell me off for my very ungrateful attitude and for even thinking about smoking when I am coming up on one year in the not to distant future !
Well at least it is not snowing !
I must say after venting I do feel better already thanks for being here What would I do without my ex family !!!
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