I've made it to another day. Just for today I will not smoke. I have a choice today, and today I choose not to smoke!!
The patches make those morning cravings so much easier to get through, but I think they are the cause of the dreams I had last night. Or God is sending me a message. I dreamed of my Fathers last stay in the hospital last night, and his eventual death. I will never forget the day He died, or how He looked laying there gasping for his last breath. He was on a respirator for 12 days. They tried to wean him off of it several times. It was then I knew He would never come home from the Hospital. My sister, brother and I talked, and my sister finally got my Mother to understand Daddy would never recover this time. He last 2 days without the respirator. I remember sitting my his bed watching his vitals. His heart rate would slowly decrease, and I would think this is it. Then his heart would fight back. It went back and forth like this for the duration of the 2 days. His heart was so much stronger than his lungs. The COPD had destroyed them, and his smoking had led to the COPD. He smoked for over 30 years, quit when He was 45. The enviroment He worked in as a Chemical Engineer didn't help matters. Over the years I saw his quality of life decrease. He had to quit a lot of things he enjoyed. Golfing, working in the yard, even going to Church. Seeing all this I continued to smoke.
Well now I know how is feels not to be able to breathe. The Doctor told me I show no signs of COPD or lung disease, and that I should quit before it is too late. After that I didn't smoke fore 8 days, then that little voice in my head says "You can smoke just one" One led to another, then a pack, then back to a pack a day.
Now I have a plan, to do it one day at a time.
Just for today I am Smoke free!!
