Ok, I havent been here for a week and have learned some things while I've been away. I really was having no success trying to quit on the 24th and sat down to really examine why. On Thursday, July 31 at 9am I became a non-smoker. So far it has been 70 hours without a cigarette and I feel I can really do it this time.
I am not a real talk-show person but flipping through channels a long time ago I had heard one of the guru's saying that you have to find a childs currency in order to punish them effectively or something like that. Sitting here trying to figure out why these 3 days have been different, I realized that I finally figured out my currency. Everyone's currency is different. What is the thing that gets them most motivated, inspired. Mine were a few different ones, here they are
1) I smell sooooooooo pretty
2) I dont want my daughter smoking
3) I don't want to miss out on the party by going outside to smoke all the time
There are several different things that people have told me over the years to get me to quit. One being my health. Sad to say, but I didnt care about that.....I'm immortal, arent we all? Or so the nicodemon had me believe. "The money you are wasting on cigarettes could be useful elsewhere". I dont care about the money, I've always found $2.00 for a pack lying in my sofa cushions. So you see, I had to find and keep reminding myself what was REALLY important and during the first 24 hours keep reminding myself of those.
Secondly, after the first 24 hours I had another motivation, I DONT EVER want to go through those 24 hours again. Quite frankly, THEY SUCKED!!!!!!!! I tried to sleep as much as I could knowing that with every hour I slept the "pain" would be easier when I woke up. Now, whenever I want a cig, I think to myself "Go ahead, you will only have to relive those 24 hours again" amazing how the craving seems to go away.
Thirdly, I am the type of person that you cannot tell "You Can't". If you tell me I can't, you can be daggum sure that I will. So I still have a pack of cigarettes in my car. Just knowing they are there for now is good enough. In time, I am sure that they will end up in the garbage but knowing that "yep, it is MY decision, and if I really want to go back I can" helped me. I know its a twisted, weird psychological trick I'm playing on myself but its working for me.
Fourth, I have not told ANYONE except my husband and this board that I am quitting. I think its a fear of failure and then getting tormented by everyone I know if I fail. I dont know but this is my own personal battle with an addiction that has hold of me since I was 14 and I am now 39. I dont know how to be a non-smoker, I've smoked all my life. No one can understand that but me and no one can understand my life but me which is one reason I haven't logged on here. When the rest of my family notices how beautiful I smell with my new perfumes, is when I know I have really become a non-smoker.
I know its only 3 days and I have a long time to go but I feel good this time, I feel confident and I like how much better my body feels in only 3 days. I can't wait to start the nursing program on the 18th and not have to worry "omg, I hope we have a break every 2 hours so I can go smoke". I like thinking that when clinicals start I don't have to worry about smelling like smoke when I walk into a patients room. Its my turn now, I have a long way to go, but I'm ready to start living now, with a bright future as a nurse and a bright future SMOKE FREE!!!!!!!!
