Day 23-scary depression

[txgeisha]

Ya know, at this point, I barely even have cravings after eating or when having drinks with friends. I feel no fear of breaking down or starting back up again. On the other hand, I am experiencing debilitating depression. This is not my first (depression) rodeo. Ive dealt with it for years on and off, but this is BAD. Last year in a quit smoking attempt, my Dr put me on Welbutrin. It triggered the worst depressive episode I'd ever experienced. I quit the welbutrin and never really quit smoking. This time around, I knew if I was gonna manage it, it was gonna have to be cold turkey and all me. I did it. I put the cigs down 23 days ago and havent looked back. The first week or sa was actually great. I felt so good! But about 10 days ago I started slipping into this ugly scary place. Some days I can't stop crying-even at work, with friends, or at work outs. I feel like I am drowning.......

Im doing everything right....I am working out HARD with a trainer 4-5 times a week, I am eating super healthy (but overeating to be sure). I am getting plenty of sleep and giving myself small milestone rewards. I have an amazing group of supportive friends and family.

I guess my question is this: Will the depression pass? Is this normal for someone like me? Are there any people out there further down the quit path than me that have experienced this?

[james41]

For many years I felt I was under water and couln't get to the surface. I got sick of it, sick of being sick as a matter of fact. In 03 I got off all drugs, made the DECISION  I would be happy and started talking to myself daily saying what feelings I would allow and what feelings/thinking I would not. It worked for me. Thats after about 25 years of Psychiatrist and drugs. Hope you find what works,,, I hated being under that water,, but didn't know I had the kind of power to get to the surface and beyond.

James"The Happy Quitter"

[anacondahead]

Yes, it happend to me, too. I have over 380 days smoke free and I, too have struggled with depression and anxiety on and off for over 30 years. The day after I quit, I began to become depressed. It was not expecting it. I did not know it was related to quitting until I mentioned it to my shrink. She said it was a very common side effect of quitting nicotine. It lifted on it's own after 8 weeks.  Hang in there and things will get better. What ever you do, don't go back to smoking.

Best wishes to you!   😃

[Strudel]

Congratulations on 23 days - that is great! My doctor actually put me on Wellbutrin and I've been fine on it (now on half dose...soon to go off). But - I don't have a history of depression. I actually didn't really feel any difference in my mood or thinking.... I do have some anxiety issues - but I've never been on medication.

I think as Anacondahead said that that depression is normal after quitting smoking......it is almost like we've lost our best friend (or at least we thought it was our best friend - no more!!). Although it most likely will pass - given your past history - I would suggest seeing your doctor and discussing it with him/her.

Please - take care!

[schwack]

First, congratulations on 23 days!!  That is an achievement in and of itself!  I can tell you that I too, went through somer serious depression early in my quit.  I was told by my doctor and by people with more time on here that this was quite normal and all part of the quitting process.  For that matter, I got to a point (for myself) at around 80-90 days where I started feeling a wide scope of feelings from elation to sadness.  Again, something to be expected I was told.  For 26 years, I hid behind a cigarette.  Anytime I was scared or angry, I smoked over it.  Anytime I was freaked out or relieved, I smoked over it.  So I find myself feeling things I haven't in a very long time.  I've learned to walk through them and not smoke over them.  I'm determined to keep my quit strong daily, no matter how tough life can sometimes be.  It sounds like you're doing great, and that you're probably feeling exactly like you're supposed to.  Its a wild ride, but its the thrill of a lifetime!  Congratulations to you again on 23 days!

[empathy]

Thank You for your honesty!!! You have no idea how many people out here maybe feeling the same & need those anwers from the "elders".  I would give advice but I need to learn now. YOU ARE NOT ALONE & YES THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LONG TIME TO FEEL SO "DARK" INSIDE. BUT we can do this together. Let us all keep our focus as no one person can feel how bad or good that other readers are feeling.   Thanks again Tammy

[brian39]

I always think that depression should be monitored in a quitter. Nicotine is a mild anti depressant so anyone who has mild depression can start seeing signs of mild depression after the nic is out of the body. It is very common for a quitter about were you are at to feel sad wanting to cry a lot  and feel very emotional. This can effect you for a while but I would contact your doctor so he is aware of whats going on. Most of all smoking again will not help so please don't even look that way. Keep working your quit and you will get through this. Even if you have to shed a few tears like I did. Congrats on 23 days quit, That is just plain awesome Great job

[jeannie2]

i never did that,,,,,,,i got the opposite.....pure happiness of pride and joy to be free at last from those gross things...i hate cigarettes and sure i will never feel better in my life..........my attitude had to be happy and care free ..........i had this on purpose......i delibertly laughed at myself and got a huge kick out of no smoking.........and so much energy........i would say if you had it before then its not from quitting..........be happy you quit my dear...........smile and do a happy dance for you are awesome!!!!!!!!!!! i believe one can control emotions and happiness just a mind set..........like choosing not to smoke one can also choose to be in a happy mood...........practice it hourly..........see how happy you can be..........i agree with James.........no drugs and no doctors can do it for you..........waste of money..........i know friends who label themsleves depressed and take happy pills and nothing can make them happy...........they try to find fault or reason to whine...........drives me nuts..... you can do it by yourself if you want.........i learned at a young age that nobody cares anyways and life is to beautiful to mope around.........after my father died when i was nine.......i realized i could choose to be sad alot or happy alot.........i took the happy and gathered my control to beable to not be a downer or crybaby.........i did it and took the high road........ i hated feeling blue........and i learned its so much easier to not sweat nothing much.....just my way of being happy..........another choice you gotta make........so happy for you and your quit..........great job and dont worry be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[txgeisha]

Thank you everyone for the comments! I appreciate all of the support. I do need to say to James and Brian: be careful what you say to people who suffer from true depression. I make a conscious choice daily to be happy, but clinical depression cannot be "told" to go away when it is in full swing. I am glad you are both able to control it so readily, but for those of  us who can't, your comments are not helpful and could even be dangerous for someone who really needed a Dr's care.....

Just trying to give some perspective.

[jaynalynn]

Amen Txgeisha!  This is my first time back in almost a year.  If you suffer from clinical depression call your Dr. immediately!  I have suffered from it for years and know exactly what you are going through.  I quit cold turkey last year and went into a severe depressive episode that was extremely scary.  People who don't suffer from depression just don't understand.  People here mean well but you must not listen to people who don't understand.  I listened to people who told me "depression after quitting is normal - give it time and it will pass".  That was the worst advise possible!  I waited 6 weeks for it to pass which just caused me to continue to spiral downhill.  By the time I contacted my psych, he wanted to throttle me!  Basically nitotine effects your brain chemistry which can then alter any medications you are on including antidepressants, blood pressure meds, etc.  In my case it made my antidepressants stop working.  It took a couple months to then get myself and meds straightened out.  If you are on ANY medication you need to work closley with your doc to monitor your condition.  If you are not currently on antidepressants, quitting can throw you right back into deep depression.  Depression and quitting nicotine can be very dangerous.  Do not listen to people who don't know the facts of clinical depression.  As we know it is completely different than having the blues and is not "mind over matter".  I am a very positive person who uses positive thinking to help myself in many situations and I know that can be very effective.  But it does not always help true clinical depression.  Please call your doc today!  And feel free to contact me anytime to talk.  It has taken me almost a year to feel strong enough to try quitting again.  It was soooo bleak and dark last year and I don't want to see anyone else suffer that way.  My new quite date is 9/7/10.  I will be working VERY closely with my doctor this time.  Going cold turkey was also a very bad way for me to quit.  This time my doc wants me to use the patch to give my brain chemistry time to slowly adapt.  I am frightened the depression will happen again but I'm positive that our strategy will be the answer.