Day 23...talked with a close friend of mine who was just diagnoised with Crohn's Disease. My friend Sunil is a recovering alcoholic and a smoker and now has this diease. We chatted and he educated me on it (Crohns) and then we talked about him quitting. He is getting himself prepared and wants to use the gum, long term if needs be. It was humbling to me that in the midst of this and knowing his part with alcohol and being there for it many years ago, that he would be happy to get Crohns!!! Happy because it is not life threatening and is manageable. Sunil feels like he "got away with it" or got off light, especially with his drinking because....as he said....we partied like rock stars.
So he is right. Damn did we. The stories...the laughes...the craziness...we had a ball. Why had??? Now at 33 I have no interest in partying like a rock star anymore....and it is late on a Friday night and I am home typing this on the computer to prove the fact. It has been a lot of years since we partied that hard but when I processed what he said and how he said it later...it sounds like we have given up on life. It's over, the jig is up.
No. It's not. I took a very long walk tonight and worked through it in my head. Three choices....give it all up and hang your hat, accept is as it is and move along, go back to the way it was. What is wrong with the way it is? Life is good man! I have a job, a house, an education, a daughter, 2 cats, 2 frogs, family, friends....what is wrong with this? Smoking does not fit into this.,...so giving what up exactly? The one thing that does not belong? How is that a bad thing? So I stand firm.....I like giving up smoking and I will not give up on life. My life is not over....a new one is beginning and I like the calmer side of me. I don't have to drink to excess like Sunil was saying...or smoke like I am saying...it's fine! I can be calmer and a bit more rational now I am not overstimulated by nicotine and still have a good time.
I am sure whenever I think of partying like a rock star I will think of smoking. But that won't bother me and I don;t have to lament about it. I can smile and move along.
