Funny, I'm losing track of days and time now apparently. I just posted on Jen's blog that I was on day 9 and then I checked and I'm actually on day 10...woohoo! Today I'm just feeling so out of it. I've got a headache and I'm so moody, I'm crying and all morning I had to fight with myself not to smoke. I'm sure that's probably why I have the headache. I feel like the crave was all morning, not just 3 minutes. If it was 3 minutes it would happen every 3 minutes. I called and texted my support friends and when I was about to cave, I decided to log into facebook and what was the first picture I see? Yes, a disgustingly black smokers lung. It helped, but then when I left my clients building and passed by all the smokers huddled up under the building trying to keep out of the rain, two thoughts went in my head...1. I'm glad that's not me anymore 2. I want one. NOPE is what I keep saying. I was doing so well and then all of a sudden these cravings are like non-stop. Maybe it's because the weekend and it's my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and it's stressing me out. The other reason I'm thinking is because my son was having a rough morning when I dropped him at daycare. He grabbed my leg as I was trying to get out the door and his teacher grabbed him and so his reaction was to bite her to let go of him. She disciplined him by telling him we don't bite and that it hurt her. I didn't stop her, nor did I get involved as I feel it is between them and that's how they get the respect for and from each other (not by mommy jumping in) But my poor baby started quivering his lower lip and got all teary eyed and it broke my heart not to just put my arms around him and hug him. He kept looking at me to save him, but I couldn't. She wasn't doing anything out of line, she was teaching him its not okay to bite anyone. He thinks its a joke when I dicipline him when he bites, so to see him actually start crying, got me.
What a difference it makes though when we really step back and understand and look at our emotions and triggers as opposed to just lighting up without realizing why, just that something stressed us.
I know I can get through this and I know I'll have my moments when I want one, but in 10 days I've managed without.
