Day 1 again

[zoer]

Here I am again, at day 1 of my quit. I’ve been working on this quit for about 3 weeks now and keep slipping so I have to start over. I originally quit back in 2020, by no choice of my own, I had an oral bone graft done and could not smoke for at least 8 weeks after or it would fail.  I made it 3 months then went back to smoking. I attributed it to the fact that I never wanted to quit in the first place and spent the entire time counting the days til I could smoke again. In hindsight that was really stupid, but that was my smoker brain talking.

This time I DO want to quit, just for myself not because I have to, thinking that will play a big role in making it this time. So far I’ve just been lurking in the background here in Ex, reading every day and keeping up with everyone’s posts. I’m determined to make it this time even tho I’ve had several slips, so I just keep at it… pick myself up, dust myself off, and put the patch back on. I can’t really say why I keep slipping, maybe there is a small part of me that doesn't want to quit? maybe I just fear failing again (and again…)? Maybe because it’s just so damn hard? I don’t know, but it’s really pissing me off. I’m angry at myself for not being able to do this.  

I can’t use the Rx meds. I’m using the patch, and have lozenges for really bad times. I have my giant bag of mini tootsie pop suckers, peanut M&Ms, and a constant supply of mandarin oranges. I have my lists of reasons I want to quit, and my ‘what to do instead’ and try to keep busy during bad times. One of the problems I have with doing things is that I used to “reward” myself with a cig whenever I finished a chore or whatever. So now the craving is still there when I’m done with something, and I’m lost at what to do with that. I’m having trouble with the one minute/hour/day at a time thought, all I can think of is tomorrow, next week, etc…. and the ‘when will this end’ thought.

thanks for listening and being there

[qsiesue]

Hi Zoer. Congrats on not giving up. Slips happen. They happened to me several times before this quit journey. I am 5 months and several days into my final quit.  There are so many things that I could tell you, but the truth is, you have to want to quit more than you want to smoke. 

One thing i did was each time I had an urge to smoke is, I would ask myself why was I having an urge...Ive never smoked a day in my life....then I would pop a cinnamon disc, and do something else until it passed. I too, wore the patch. 

Feel free to come here and post when you feel youre going to slip. We're here for each other. We're here for you.

[jonimarie]

@zoer Glad you are here. It is a vicious cycle. Start stop start stop over and over. We have all done it. It comes down to when you are sick and tired of fighting it you will quit. We all have to find our own place when we truly become tired of the start and stop routine to focus on the success of day 1, week won, month won and so on. You will find that place if you keep at it!

[CommunityAdmin]

Hello and welcome @zoer! My name is Quiana, and I am a part of the EX Team. Congratulations on your decision to quit! I wanted to reach out and personally welcome you to the EX Community! We are so excited you have joined us. This is a very supportive community so feel free to keep us all posted on your quit journey reach out and let us know if you need anything. You may find our Daily Pledge page helpful to make a commitment not to smoke on a day-by-day basis. Posting there will also bring visibility to your journey to others who take the pledge daily.

Here are some articles that might be helpful as you prepare for your quit date: 

https://www.becomeanex.org/ex-resources/about-quitting/get-ready-to-quit/right-before-you-quit/

https://www.becomeanex.org/ex-resources/about-quitting/get-ready-to-quit/3-ways-to-get-your-support-...

Quiana, EX Team

[McMoney]

The idea that smoking is rewarding is an illusion. One that I think we all used to fall for. 

I used to smoke as a reward, too. I considered it my "me time". 

How is it rewarding? Smoking is horrible for our health. No one will dispute that. You'll cough and hack and maybe end up with cancer. Is that rewarding? If you're like me and you think of it as your break time, your "me time" then why do we HAVE to do it? Why can't we choose to do something else? 

Addiction is real and it's a sneaky, lying, excuse finding monster. I hope you can decide  it's worth the effort to starve the monster and get your life back full of choices and things that are actually rewarding. Once you recommit to your quit, also commit to reaching out BEFORE you smoke. Distraction is key. You don't have to think about forever. Take one win at a time. Just focus on the now. Change your habit right now and know that it does get easier, and everything is better without that nasty life sucking habit. 

[ReallyReal]

Dear @zoer I am so glad to hear that you still want to quit.  It is true, slips happen and it is important to get right back up and begin a quit again.  I had a 51 day quit in 2022 that I gave up and it took close to a year for me to quit again.  I am glad that is not the case with you.  I do have a question though and it comes out of my own experience with my relapse.  You say you have your list of things to do instead of using nicotine.  My question is, but are you doing them when craves come?  I don't mean to be at all rude in asking this.  I look back on my relapse and I see that even though I knew what to do to delay, distance and distract, I had recommended tools to use, but I wasn't using them all of the time when the urge to smoke came.  I would let the urge build up in my head without using the tools and then I was right back to smoking because my addict brain was obsessed with wanting a cigarette and it was all I was thinking about.  I found with my current quit, when I actually used the tools I had been given, the craves did not last very long and they did not have the same power over me that I let them have during my first quit.  Delay, distance, distract really worked for me this time and I recognize that I will need to remain vigilant, always telling myself, "Smoking is simply not an option anymore."  I wish you the very best on your quitting journey.

[champsin97]

@qsiesue ,  @McMoney ,  @ReallyReal    There sure are some smart people replying to this post.  Lots of great advice from people that have been there.  

Take it one day at a time.  It sounds like you have the tools, the knowledge and the right attitude.  Just get back on the horse and beat this thing!

[zoer]

Thank you everyone for your responses, it helps to hear from you and know I'm not alone in this journey. It’s a struggle to say the least, but I keep plugging along working on it to stick and I quit slipping. I look forward to that time so I can quit kicking myself and can just move forward counting the days of freedom in double digits.

@ReallyReal  Your question is not at all rude. I too do not use them every time like I should, or I do and they don’t work and I will finally give in. You nailed it when you said “obsessed” that is exactly it. But I’m not giving up, I’m going to keep at it til I nail it.

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome!

Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."  What will you do differently THIS time?  If you haven't read the materials that explain the addiction, do it now!  If you haven't changed up your routines, do it for this time.  If you didn't use the distraction tools you wrote down, make a new list!  Include easy things like taking slow/deep breaths, inhaling air from your freezer, counting the white things in the room, playing a phone game, counting backwards from 10,000, blog "Help" here and read until you get a response.  Tell  yourself early and often that, "I don't do that anymore."

An important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. I was amazed when I learned that the stress reduction you feel when you ingest nicotine is caused by the brain receptors calming that have gradually built in volume jonesing for their next fix!  I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking”  that brings light two other things you might not know.  You can purchase a digital version online or borrow it at your local library.  Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: Nicotine and Your Brain.

To better deal with the habit part of the addiction, change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your walking shoes on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! .  Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

After you have eliminated as many associations as you can, you need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. You might visit Games: The active ones are at the top of the list going down the left side of the page.

Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

101 Things to Do Instead of Smoke - EX Community

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

You might want to join other site members by taking the daily pledge when you quit. It helps to hold yourself accountable and also accountable to others here. Find it at Home (top left), then first box titled Take the Daily Pledge.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[Barbscloud]

@zoer Welcome to the Ex and congrats on you're wanting to quit. That's the first step.  Now it's important to work on that plan and put it into effect. I'm happy to see you've been reading material on the site to learn about nicotine addition and craving, triggers, tools to use, etc.   When I found the Ex I learned how to quit after 50 years of smoking and many attempts that I started without any knowledge of what I was doing.

Don't feel bad about the reward cigarette.  Dismissing those feelings it not the best way to cope with those feelings.  It's very common and many long term quitters still experience it after completing a task,.   The important thing is to acknowledge it for what it is and not act on that thought.   After 6 years, I will come on Ex for few minutes when I've completed a task such as yard work.  Be creative.  Find a new association that you can use to replace smoking  when you feel that need for a reward.  Go for a walk, do some deep breathing exercises, etc.  Whatever works for you is it what works.

I know, right now it's easy to think about never smoking again. It can be scary when It is something we have done for every event and emotion on our lives, good or bad.   That's why just doing this one day at a time is so important to be successful.   I know some quitters do, but I never thought about forever with I quit 6 years ago.  I knew it was a choice and I could smoke again if  chose to, but I only had to be successful for one day.  Those one days turned into multiple years.

Glad you found us.  With the support you found here, I know you can do it too. Always reach out anytime we can help before you smoke. That's what we're about--wanting you to be successful on this journey.

Hope to see you on the Daily Pledge.  There are lots of committed quitters there.

Stay busy and stay close.

Barb

[Barbscloud]

@zoer How are things going?   We're still here cheering you on.

Barb

[zoer]

@Barbscloud  hi and thank you for checking in. I'm still plugging away, one day at a time