I had both shoulders injected with cortisone today in the hopes that I can get the pain under control. It was not an easy decision for me to make because I was afraid that the orthopedic surgeon would just pressure me because I am supposed to schedule my surgery. I was last there in 2012. In any event, I saw the PA who should be given angel wings because of how gentle her touch is and how amazingly warm and sweet she is. I would like her to give the surgeon lessons in bedside manner. The lidocaine, which numbs the joint only lasts for a few hours and is wearing off as we speak…the cortisone should start to absorb within the next 2-3 weeks according to what they said, however, I have never had that experience, it should feel better in a day or two. The first day is a little rough as the lidocaine wears off and he joint realizes it has been “attacked” by outside forces. I am not to work out or lift anything for 48 hours, and I am not to fall…last time I was injected, I fell on the arm two weeks after the injection and blew the benefit right out of the shoulder. I am really hopeful that this will help and I will see the doctor in September to either schedule the surgery or attempt to postpone it a little longer…we will see. I did get to see x-rays and see that the deterioration has accelerated so I get to SEE why it hurts so much; I am not sure why that helps, must need to see confirmation that my pain is real, how sad is that?
As I was sitting in radiology waiting for my x-rays, my cell phone rang and I had a hard time getting it out of my purse. The looks of judgment that were sent my way were reminiscent of back when I smoked and I had to laugh. In fact, I had a hard time stopping because it was so stupid. I FORGOT to turn it off, it’s not like I lit a cigarette in the waiting room. I don’t miss those looks of contempt, those looks that are singling you out as a LOSER…or perhaps it should be ADDICT. My craves still come at times but they are so much weaker, I am 163 days out, oh and I had to look that up because I knew I was over five months but not sure how close I am to six. It DOES get easier, it is not a daily struggle and if it is, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG…you are not paying attention to what you have learned, you think you have to fight Nic every time he makes an appearance…you do not have to FIGHT him…you can IGNORE him and he will lose his power. No one can quit for you but remember that no one can SMOKE for you either. I had an argument with my son yesterday, the last quit I allowed myself to lose was over an argument with him and it was nowhere near as intense as this one. He told me to RELAX…that is like the kiss of death to say to someone who is clearly upset and angry, it is right up there with CALM DOWN. I am just learning to deal with my feelings and if you are uncomfortable with my being angry then YOU go away, I have a right to get angry and sad and I have a right to cry…I have a right to let those feelings out. Just because YOU haven’t seen that before is really not MY problem. Look at yourself, look at the times you have blown up and been supported and loved through it and allow me the same consideration. Allow me to express my anger, to cry when I am sad, to feel for the first time since I was 17 years old and I started to stuff. It is okay, it is MORE than okay, it is NORMAL for me to be allowed that expression and at 64+ years, if you don’t like my behavior, go away. I am not hurting anyone, I am not blowing smoke at you, I am not polluting the air you need to stay alive…okay, so maybe I was guilty of a little NOISE pollution in a waiting room. Did you SEE how OLD I am…cell phones are still a novelty to me.
