I have been on and off this site for a couple of years. I have even set several 'quit dates'. Yet, this is my first Blog post. I was one of those 'lurkers' .... feeding off the post of others like a tick feeds off a dog's back. So why the first post now ..... I think I get it ... smoking / nicotine is really a mental addition. I have allowed the physical drug of nictoine to be amplified in my brain to influence and direct my thoughts, moods, and reactions. 36 years of leaning on this crutch has clouded my mind and made me dependant on that next fix. My mind saw it as a reward, when in reality there is nothing rewarding from it.
As an IT manager for about 250 users, I spend my days helping people with computer problems. It can sometimes get overwhelming, and the 'tobacco' fix was my true reward. I think I now see how that 'reward' is tainted and not worthy. A true reward should not have to be reinforced every 30 minutes, nor should it destroy the recipient of the reward.
So I have set Aug 10th as my 'Escape' date from the lies of smoking and nicotine's control of my life and mental processes. I now understand that cigarettes INDUCE stress and do not relieve stress. So for the first time in the 100th attempt to quit smoking ..... I am actually looking forward to Aug 10th and the restoration of my thoughts to me, and not the nicotine.
