I got an email last week because someone on here posted on my wall about it being my one year quit anniversary.
Confession: I disappeared because I slipped up. Not because I stayed quit.
There. It's out. I've admitted it to myself, and to all of you. I have spent the last year in a state of shame every time I've lit up.
Trouble is, on top of the shame, I find myself unable to breathe. Through my nose, through my mouth. Doesn't matter. Chronic sinus problems are plaguing me. I wake up with post-nasal drip (gross) that will only go away with the aid of a hot beverage (decaf coffee). I have to cough mid-conversation (smokers cough anyone?). And worst of all, my new house STINKS like cigarette smoke. Ugh.
See, I know I'm capable of quitting unhealthy things. I've done it before.
6 years caffiene free
5 years sober
1 year gluten free
I try and joke about how smoking is the only unhealthy thing I have left, but inside I'm screaming at myself. I strive to lead a healthy lifestyle. I eat fruits and veggies. I've lost 33 pounds in the past year for crying out loud! I enjoy hiking and yoga and meditation. I don't understand why this particular habit is so darn hard to kick. It's not like the others were easy. Believe me, none of them were easy. But I did it. I conquered them all, except for smoking.
I realize that I don't have all the answers. I realize that I cannot do this alone. I also realized that this community was still here to help. So here I am. I am looking for support and encouragement. I've set my quit date for 2 weeks from today. I've been building up the courage to post but I've been tracking my cigarettes and postponing the next one until I just can't take it anymore.
I'm ready to do this.
"If you are interested, you'll do what's convenient. If you're committed, you'll do whatever it takes" ~John Assaraf
