So, I relapsed again............................the sad thing is this time I have to make another decision - do I want to quit?? I really believed it was over, celebrated my year, felt so good, I was on my way.
I allowed losing a job and my mom and dad's health, as well as some issues with one of our sons to send me down a road I felt too ashamed to admit - even to those closest to me here.
I have a lot to think about and figure out.
I start a new job tomorrow - finally using the skills I have worked so hard in school for over the past couple of years.
So, my confession is made. I'm not sure how to do it again!! I started with the e-cig thinking I would just puff every-once-in-a-while...................no one would know cause I don't stink! It wasn't really smoking I kept telling myself. Well, it's worse, because now I can smoke while I'm studying, in the kitchen - anywhere!! I even snuck puffs in the airport while I was flying home from mom and dads a couple of weeks ago (dad is in end-stage emphysema and mom is having pancreatic problems).
I don't drink, I don't abuse my medications, I eat healthy (although I haven't lost the weight from when I quit - still carrying that 40 lbs.). I'm happy - but I have a hard decision to make and I'm going to set my daddy's birthday as my new quit date (January 2nd).
This is the first time I haven't cared....................................why is that????
So, ready for the fire and brimstone. I'm sorry I have not shared this with those who have kept closest to me, and if Candy were not back, I'm not sure I would have shared at all..............................Thanks Linda and Shawn and Mike for never giving up on me as a friend.
