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Share your quitting journey

Coming out of the closet 74/90

PastTense
Member
5 26 582

Since I started writing this blog, I have discovered that a number of us were closet smokers.  A far larger number than I would have anticipated.  A closet smoker is not the same thing as the "social smoker".   A social smoker would define themselves as only smoking in certain social situations such as at a bar.  My experience with "social smokers" is that they are really  I-go-to-the-bar-and-drink-just-so-I-can-bum-cigarettes smoker.  You know who you are.

A closet smoker takes great pains to hide the fact that they smoke even from other smokers.

We aren't proud of smoking.  We know it's stupid and expensive and bad for our health and bad for the environment and a terrible example.  We know.  We really don't need the lectures from people when they find out we smoke.  We know.  That's why we are hiding it from you.

But; you're only as sick as your secrets.  For the closet smoker, the Ex site may be the first time they have ever been able to talk about their addiction.  We may be the only support system a closet smoker has.  That's true for me.  I haven't told any of my friends or family that I quit smoking because I worked very hard to make sure they don't think I do.  Having one less secret to hide feels pretty good to me.

PT

26 Comments
MarilynH
Member

You rock my friend YAY for the Freedom of living a Smokefree Life and YAY for each and every Day WON....

YoungAtHeart
Member

Are you REALLY sure nobody knew?  I find it difficult to believe that you managed to hide that distinctive smell from everybody.  Shame if you did manage it, though - because those close to you can't give you the credit you deserve for quitting.

Glad you found us, though - because WE can celebrate with you!

sweetplt
Member

You are doing super, keep that beautiful quit going and out of the closet...

elvan
Member

I hid the fact that l had lost a quit for a while but l felt so terrible about myself that l confessed. My son said “You DO know that we knew that, right?” No, l did NOT know. You really are rockin’ this quit! We are proud of you!!!

5Jacks
Member

Boy, you must have really worked hard at it if most of your friends/family didn't know you smoked. There's another book idea for you.

You might need to have a double coming-out announcement.  "I secretly smoked so you wouldn't know, and then I secretly quit smoking so you wouldn't know I ever smoked in the first place." 

Turnips
Member

PastTense, as you know it takes a ton of work to secret smoke! I worked a part-time job in the evening, and had about 50 minutes in between my day job and the second job. I would get off of work...drive home really fast...change into my "smoking clothes," which included a towel for my hair...sit outside the back of my house on the garage stoop in this ridiculous outfit (didn't want neighbors seeing me on the actual back porch)...hotbox 2 or 3 cigarettes in about 12 minutes...take a fast shower...brush my teeth...put my work clothes back on...race to the other job without even eating because I chose that time to do this elaborate ritual in order to get my fix. I have many other silly examples similar to this. 

I'm certain some of my family had suspicions over the years, but it was never brought up or acknowledged (kids are grown and out of the house for the past 10 years). Anyway, this weekend was unusual because I told family members to just "pop on over anytime because I will be around all weekend." Normally, I always made a big deal of everyone calling first (so I would not get busted smoking and have time to shower/ put on fresh clothes)! Truthfully, people probably thought I was weird as all get out and had some strange stuff going on...! Embarrassing! Haha

kristen-9-7-15

Closet smoker right here!

5Jacks
Member

Thanks for the great laugh!

It is amazing the lengths some of us went to in order to masquerade as non smokers.

I hope others chime in here with their stories. I’m on a mission to convince PastTense to write a book and this could give her some great material to work with.

SuzyQ411
Member

Yes, I carried out the same exhausting rituals of physical cleansing/ masking before medical/dental appointments until I quit smoking. Looking back, I'm not even sure I was successful in presenting as a non-smoker. I must surely have carried tobacco odors on my shoes, boots, purse, coat, etc. just riding to the appointment in a car that had been smoked in.

Thomas3.20.2010

I was a closet smoker and everybody knew it! When I quit I came clean and celebrated my quit with perfect strangers in grocery stores and gasoline stations. I found that honesty kept me accountable and that I had folks supporting my quit in unexpected places. (I also found the sabotagers that much sooner!) It was still very much worth it!

Christine13
Member

I have been a closet smoker too, oh the neighbours knew I was smoking, because I'd be in and out of the house every 15-20 minutes.  In all kinds of weather, I had a special smoking jacket for winter and summer, ridiculous!

Barbscloud
Member

This must be the most elaborate ordeal I've heard anyone going through to hide their smoking.   This took a lot of time and effort on your part.  If you could do all this to smoke, quitting should be much easier. 

Barb

Barbscloud
Member

I never hid that I smoked.  I also find it hard to believe that other's didn't know.   When you quit smoking and realize how potent the smell is that's left behind.  I don't know.  But I do think it's a sad that quitters don't feel like they can celebrate their quit with those around them.  I told anyone that would listen that I quit.

Glad everyone has found a "safe" place to  here to celebrate.

Barb

Gai.C
Member

I have to say that it wasn't a secret that U smoked. As a Non Smoker now My husband is still smoking and tries so hard to cover the smell. I don't care how much U try That Awful smell is still there. He doesn't Smoke around me I never see him Smoking but that Awful stale smell is still on his face,clothes,hair. I hate cigarettes but I won't say Anything to Him . It's my Quit not His. Congratulations on your Decision to Quit your giving yourself the best Gift of Life, Health. 

Barbscloud
Member

Was this meant for me?    I wasn't a closet smoker. 

DavesTime
Member

I was a closet smoker to most people since I was 14.  And it does take a lot of work, a lot of time, a lot of extra money for gas (to drive to a smoking place not to be detected or to buy cigs), gum, and other products to hide the smell.  It takes a lot of deception, which leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and reduced self-esteem.  In my case I spent a TON of money over decades for nicotine gum--  not to try to quit, but to satisfy my cravings when I could not get away to smoke.  For those who say it cannot be hidden, I can promise you it can.  My wife seriously had no clue that I was a smoker until a few years before I quit (I asked her!).  My three now-grown daughters still do not know, and at this point I'd like it to stay that way.  I am SO glad and very thankful that I no longer have to hide my addiction.

By the way, closet smokers do struggle to quit precisely because they don't have support in their 3D life. How can folks support you if they don't even know you smoke?  The EX can give them the support they need.

Gai.C
Member

No Sorry. For PT

nevergiveup
Member

I am one of those people pretty much although I don't go to extremes to necessarily hide the fact that I do smoke, but I also don't go out of my way (and totally stress about it) to hide that I don't...except to my doctor...which completely weighs me down mentally. My smoking habits have changed such that this style fits just by default but I can totally relate.

nevergiveup
Member

P.S. SO happy for you that you're succeeding at this quit!

MartyO
Member

Yes! Yes! and Yes!! So real..

SuzyQ411
Member

Great post PastTense‌...full of honesty. For not wanting to let others know you smoked, you have grown and want to quit so badly that you've entrusted all of us on Ex with your secret..please know you can lean on us for support!

SuzyQ411
Member

Great idea 5Jacks‌ . I will admit that I tried to be a closet smoker in the presence of my medical team during a former relapse. Full shower, shampoo, extra tooth-brushing, mouthwash, gum and perfume before every appointment! Today, I just wish I'd stayed quit at that time years ago and maybe been able to get out of the game before all my smoking-related conditions kicked in!!

argylesox
Member

I don’t know if I would classify myself as a closet smoker... those closest to me know.  But never the type to smoke right in front of a doorway and I always hide it from my colleagues at work.  My work colleagues are very snubby about it (one is actually a former smoker but she is so nasty to people about it I promised I would never be that way... she could be offering me advice instead of me hiding from her).  To me it was always fine as long as people didn’t bother me about it so I didn’t care if they “really” knew but if they see me light up then it gives them an excuse to hassle.  

SuzyQ411
Member

Yup- I agree- about your missing out on getting any support from your co-worker who used to smoke. But you can help someone else along the way once you've quit 🙂

argylesox
Member

Yes, that is something I can do  

nwtw
Member

So true - everything you said.  I was a closet smoker for many years.  In fact, when I finally told my friends I was quitting, they told me they did not know I smoked.  But once I told people, I was amazed by the amount of support they offered.