Come, come again....

[karen6]

I'm recovering from my slip and moving on. It's Day 5 - again, lol, but that's ok. It feels like I never smoked, and I'm so grossed out by the smell, the idea, and THE SCAM!!! Yes, I'm angry at Big Tobacco, and everyone should be! What a con! Besides the slavery of the addiction in one's own personal experience, there's the fact that every smoker is Big Tobacco's bitch! UGH! How humiliating! I just can't bring myself to even consider getting sucked back in to that racket! I earn $12.56 an hour right now, and a pack of cigarettes here in Alberta (25 cigarettes) is at least $11.00. That's an hour of my time each and every day. Crazy! And for the two weeks I was quit and again this week I notice the difference in my wallet. The week I smoked was a pretty light smoking week. I wasn't used to smoking anymore, and the last day I had to force myself to smoke. I made myself smoke up until my designated "quit day" again. By the time I put out the last cigarette they were making me gag.

So I'm grateful to be free. Free from the need to have them in my purse, free from the smell and nuisance of the proverbial "smoke break", free from the shame of being a dupe to some big corporation that is killing people, free from the irritation of the nic fit. I'm free! And it's for real. Not gonna say "this time" because it's all really "one time". Every time we quit and fail and try again is the same quit. It's us. It's our life. You're still the same person struggling with the same addiction. Each time, you learn something more, and each time you bring that experience to the quit. Some people quit easily, some struggle for years. It's not permission to smoke, to keep relapsing, to keep "trying" forever, it's just acknowledgment of the fact that slipping or full on relapsing is not the end. Try again. Keep quitting, no matter how many times it takes.

The pastor at my church grabbed a guitar and sang this poem by Rumi on Sunday. It made me cry:

Come, come, whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving

Come, come whoever you are, this isn't a caravan of despair.

And it doesn't matter if you've broken your vows a thousand times before,

And yet again

Come again, come yet again, come, come again, come.

Everyone have a wonderful day of freedom!

[Breakinchains]

As long as you leave that door open, a successful quit is not a realistic possibility. The word "quit" means to stop. It does not mean stop until you're uncomfortable, give in, and then try again. No one is saying you can't try again if you fail. What I am saying is that with thinking like this, with an approach like this, you are almost certain to fail. Go into your quit with confidence, knowing you will never smoke again. This is a much more successful approach.

[bean5]

Congratulations on getting back up on that horse, again, and again.  I must have tried to quit a dozen times this year alone.  I think I got so fed up with "trying" to quit and failing, that I finally decided "NO MORE SLIPS", no more cheating.  It made all of the difference.  I always "KNEW" when I was going to cheat, days before I finally "caved".  Once you make your peace with NEVER smoking again, the battle really is over.  

[maggie_8-1-2010]

Good for you for beginning again and 5 days is great! Keep going and let us know if we can help BEFORE you light up (hopefully that won't ever happen again -right?!!!)

[karen6]

breakinthechains misunderstood me. obviously. I was reaching out to those who feel judged because they've failed.

It was a loving message, not a reservation. What's the point in quitting anything if you plan to do it again? Check out AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy), that's what I'm studying now, and it's absolutely a committment to never drinking, using or SMOKING (which is using, really), again. That's what I meant about counting the days. How many days it is doesn't matter anymore. It's just NEVER. I just don't smoke, period. Spent the evening with my old drinking/smoking buddy last night and it was fine. Didn't crave, didn't want it. Had a cup of tea and enjoyed my visit, then went on my way. Say whatever you want, I'm done with it all. It's my quit, my way, my time. My heart goes out to all the sufferers out there who have slipped and don't feel "worthy" to come back, or think they're just doomed to keep failing. That's who the poem was for, just like it was for me on Sunday. It embraced me, included me, and made me feel even stronger. That's what it was intended to do. We're all human, after all. We all deserve another chance and to be given some credit for the strides we've made and the times we have succeeded. It all counts.

[Strudel]

"I'm done with it all." - These are beautiful words Karen! Congrats on 5 days. This is IT!!!!

[karen6]

Thank you Strudel! I know, I can feel it. I was off to a good start, had a lapse, but the momentum is still there. And now the whole works is coming with it. Alcohol, the occassional joint, and the tendancy to let myself get pushed around. It's all part of quitting smoking. Not just cigarettes. I'm stronger than ever, and I feel free. I feel set in this new reality. Not like a shaky beginning baby-step thing. It's like it's been this way all along. And I'm not meeting any reisitance in my social life either! Everyone's behind me! Thanks again, it's good to be heard! 🙂