Welcome to all the newcomers and congratulations to all of you Exers. I have been out of touch with this site and I have truly missed all of you. I am still smoke free (on day 102 today). Several weeks ago I found out my cousin was in ICU in an induced coma. My husband and I went to see her and it was devasting. Liver failure, kidney failure and a lung infection, she could not breathe on her own. They did wake her up from the induced coma and she was ultimately able to breath on her own. I did not know this but she was diagnosed with copd some years ago. She is 1 month younger than me. They even had her on a nicotine patch in ICU as not to cause any additional stress to her body. She can't speak and when she does it is whispered gibberish. This experience was a real eye opener and confirmed my resolve/decision to not light up. I am so sad for the condition my cousin is in. But for the Grace of God, there go I... Before our return home, my adult daughter had an absolute meltdown. This was a big trigger for me. So hard to see her hurt, yet, hold my ground. This issue will be a work in progress and take time. Finally we make it home and my husband gets sick. The remainder of the time we spent being lazy bums, watching movies and eating too much. My brain still jacks with me, but in all honesty, my brain has been jacking with me my entire life in one form or another. It tells me I am going to die if I don't light up, when, in fact, it is by lighting up that we die. Addiction is insanity at its best. I am not fighting this time and it has not been as difficult as my mind told me it would be. On the other side of the coin, I am shocked I am here today and smoke-free. I am very aware that I am still vulnerable and I am not in that place that I can confidently say I will never smoke again. I still rely on simply making a DECISION every day that I will not light up no matter what. Feelings are not Facts! Happy New Year to all of you. We can do this!
