Checking in on a hard day...

[Ann007]

Hey all! I am having an especially hard day today (on day 12 of quit) and all I can think about it vaping. I think it’s because I read a news story this morning about how they are blaming all the lung problems on the THC cartridges and not the nicotine ones. Now I find myself thinking that it’s maybe okay once and a while but I know that’s not possible. I’m right where I was on my last quit (a few months ago/day 9 of quit) when I let myself vape one evening per week and it took me 3-5 weeks to be going full steam again, and then another 5-6 weeks to get myself to quit again. You all have been so supportive and helpful but I really feel like I’m going to break. Feels like I’m only writing this because I’ve read folks saying here to please blog before you give up. Other than that, I hope you are all having a great day. Oh, and one more thing... today is my 57th birthday so now I feel extremely crazy for feeling the way I do. Tempted to not post this but I’ll give it a go. Publish. 

[Taurusdagger60]

Happy birthday Im sorry you're having a hard day. I'm on the ropes myself today. I know you can do it.

Hugs

Taurusdagger60

[Bree19]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! HAPPY DAY 12!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Blessings 

Bree

[Mward90]

You got this!!  You can do it!  I am sorry you are having a ruff day today!  It is hard, I feel like we are right there in the same boat together, but you can do this!  You know you are doing the best thing for yourself by sticking to your quit.  I was having a weak moment earlier as well.  I made my first long (over 60 minute) car ride today without smoking.  All I could think about was just one, but I didn't and I know you won't either.  Maybe go out and do something for you.  Not only celebrate your birthday (Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but celebrate your quit as well.  Every day you stay quit is another reason to celebrate.  Enjoy the little things, do something for you because I know you got this!  I'm glad you reached out and don't feel crazy (I do enough of that for the both of us lol).  YOU GOT THIS!!

[Ann007]

Thank you for the birthday wishes! Hope you are having a great day!

[Barbscloud]

Glad you came here.  It saved my quit several times early on.   Happy Birthday--don't forget this is the best gift you could give yourself.  It's a shame we allowed people to become addicted to vaping the way they did with cigarettes.   Stay strong and break the bond--I know you can do it .  Just get past the moment--do something.  Go for a walk.   Stay close for today.  One day at a time leads to a lifetime.

Barb

[Ann007]

Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day too in South Africa wow! I’m waaayyy up here in SC, USA.

[Ann007]

Thanks Michelle! I was just reading through your last post about stress being the same with or without vaping and needed to think about that. Just went for a short walk outside and am eating some lunch since I was also hungry on top of everything else! I’ve been doing pretty good with my thinking most of these 12 days! I usually catch myself before the voices get too wound up in their negotiating. I guess I was sort of bummed about being at work today/this week, since I usually take this week off, but postponed it because of something important at work. Also, two of my coworkers are off campus (I work in marketing at a college) on a photo shoot and I got slammed the minute I came in this morning. I could just feel my heart racing and the cravings just started getting louder and louder. I’ve calmed down a bit. Thank you so much for your response. It really helped. I guess they are right about reaching out first! I’d have to say that was my worst craving since quitting. I have been going crazy all morning but a little walk, pizza, some deep breaths, and a friendly voice are helping. Glad you made it past your week moment as well! I guess we can do this minute by minute. You have a fabulous day! We can do this! It’s just harder some times than others!

[Christine13]

Happy 57th Birthday!!  Just think what a wonderful gift of freedom you are giving yourself today on your birthday!!

Keep on going one foot in front of the other.  Delay, Distract, Drink water, Deep Breathe.

All the best.

[Giulia]

Happy Birthday, Ann!  Honor yourself by honoring quit commitment.  It's the best birthday present you can give to yourself.  

 I read a news story this morning about how they are blaming all the lung problems on the THC cartridges and not the nicotine ones. Now I find myself thinking that it’s maybe okay once and a while but I know that’s not possible.

You recognize that psychological trick the addiction is playing.  Your emotional brain wants an excuse.  Be the good strong parent to that baby within.  And stay puff free on your Birthday.  What a pity it would be to awaken tomorrow having tossed your hard-fought-for 12 days away.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/30698-replay-the-relapse 

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Happy Birthday.  I will keep it simple.  Give yourself the gift of life and each year you quit you will be happy that you did.  Celebrate freedom.  Do not allow the addiction to cause you to romance vaping.  Change your mindset. Do not linger on these thoughts.  You can do it. If you are willing. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/sinao/blog/2019/08/25/are-you-willing?sr=search&searchId=f... Don't allow the addictive brain to have power.  You have to take control. Tell yourself that you just don't do that anymore, you are a nonsmoker and there is nothing that will cause you to take one puff. NOPE no matter what. Get through this and you will be glad you did.  Sometimes it is not easy but you have to be willing to go through the hard part too.  Life is not easy.  Never give up, never give in hang tough.  You will get stronger the longer you continue to say NOPE. You have to do it to continue. One day at a time.   Wishing the best Birthday ever.  To be free is.

[jonimarie]

Once in awhile but I know that is not possible.

Everyone is different but the "Only One" thought popped into my heard frequently my 1st 21-30 days.

And we all know that having just one cigarette or vape is not possible, we will want more and more.

This was for me the cruelest part of the addiction to get over was the "just one"

Not that I do not have urges nowadays but the "just one" bartering thought has gone away.

[maryfreecig]

Good job following through on your commitment to stay quit. No one at Ex made you spill the beans-encouraged yes--but you did the footwork. That is what is and will get you through the fog of dependency to a better place. It may not be very gratifying to make it through this bout of addiction delusion, but it is exactly what it takes to break addiction.

Six years ago I was in your shoes, uncertain and wishing to feel good. Today, I know those days that I got through mattered. I was not brave, my coping skills were awful--but standing by my decision was one thing I was capable of doing.

You can do this--you've proven it for twelve days.

[Ann007]

Thank you! I just about delayed myself out of existence this morning. Feeling better but exhausted. Eating a birthday cupcake now as a reward!

[YoungAtHeart]

Another thought for you as you meet these challenges:

Wouldn't you rather be someone who craves nicotine once in awhile than a person who thinks about quitting ALL THE TIME?

You have made the decision - now just honor it - a day (sometimes a minute) at a time.  No arguing about it - no discussion!

Hang in there - this will get easier - and you will be glad  you did - I promise!

Nancy

[Ann007]

Thanks for the birthday wishes & for your encouragement/advice! The baby in me was just wailing this morning until I felt like I was going to lose it. I guess it's just going to take some time before my brain is "fixed." 

[Ann007]

Thank you for your encouragement & good advice! I'm still standing but on very tired legs. I've been feeling like every urge I've had & overcome makes them weaker & me stronger. But this one just about had me in tears. I'm glad I came here before I gave in. 

[Barbscloud]

Hope you had a good birthday

[Ann007]

Thanks for sharing your personal experience! Glad to know I'm not the only "just one" person in the world! Kudos on your quit! You are amazing!!

[Ann007]

Thank you so much! It is encouraging to know that others like you have been in this same place and made it through. It is beyond my imagination how strong these mental pulls are! What a horrible drug! 

[Ann007]

Thanks! I'm looking forward to getting off work & going to see a movie with my 79 yr old mom!  

[JACKIE1-25-15]

[Amlatt]

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I turn 51 this month!

I am a fellow Ex 'secret' Vaper Here on Day 28 - hang on and I just know it will get easier, please feel the support of this community and get some chocolate, sugar free cough drops (my favorite) is my way to deal with strong cravings, shop at different places to totally avoid the place you purchased the cartridges from.....I never stepped foot in a Walmart and I drive there now to get stuff versus the old place, I think am feeling way more confident now at day 28 than I did before if that helps. I am finally doing some things that I had let go on for too long, reorganizing the utility room, volunteering at a local clothes to kids who need place, hiring someone from a local art school to help me with growing business, doing push ups and walking hand in hand with my man after dinner for a bit, researching plane tickets using miles, spending time looking at pokemon cards with my kid, watching him skateboard for an hour, ....what will YOU do with all this freedom and extra money and guilt free life you have created? If I can do this, you can do this. I was unproductive at work at first and my clients were cranky, and I am still playing catch up but it is SO WORTH IT. My throat feels better, no more coughing when I lie down, I stopped drinking strong coffee as caffeine seems a little stronger now, and I am posting and blogging and reading and sharing my journey. The daily pledge is helpful for me too. We love you and wish you well....I am here to support you as is everyone on this site.    

[NanKath]

Happy Birthday to you! So sorry you’re having a bad day. I am on day #39 and some days are definitely harder than others! Treat yourself to something special for your birthday, like a new pair of shoes or a new outfit! Have a nice dinner and drink lots of water! I brush my teeth when I get a craving! 

[sweetplt]

Happy Birthday Ann..Ann007 you are giving yourself the gift of life...remember something I can tell you ... my Pulmonologist always tells me...if you breathing anything other than air in your lungs, it isn’t good...go back to grade school biology/science....and they never told us breath this and that...nope...breath air in and out of lungs...so in the end, it doesn’t matter what they say...none of it is good...hold off tonight...no vape...get a good nights sleep and I bet tomorrow you will be so glad you didn’t cave into that crave...Gotcha in my Heart ... that you will fight like hell...~ Colleen 302 DOF 

[Roj]

Happy birthday and congrats on day 12...I start my journey tomorrow...please don’t give in because I am also 57 and was diagnosed today with moderate COPD and have the lungs of an 84 year old...can you imagine? My daughter is 23 and plans to start having kids at 26...will I be alive to see them? I damn sure plan to try...so kissing those cigarettes goodbye....STAY STRONG you got this...

[PrimeNumberJD]

You have been doing so great. The media often gets things wrong. You've given yourself the greatest birthday gift of all, freedom! Happy birthday and keep your quit, you'll be thankful when the next bad news vaping story comes through! I hope I have found you on the right side of your quit!

[PrimeNumberJD]

Reading your post made me very happy! It sounds like it is starting to get better and that the positive changes are starting to stack up. Congrats on 4 weeks! 

[Ann007]

Thank you Amlatt‌ Congratulations on DOF 29!! What you’ve said really hits home and offers some much needed hope that it will get better! I was able to get through my cravings yesterday and I credit this group for helping me do that. Thanks for the sharing your experience and how it does get easier. Right now I am just putting one foot in front of the other hoping the cravings will decrease in intensity. Yesterday was a pretty isolated incident that had been building up for a few days but it just about took me under. It has definitely shown me how crazy nicotine can make you in the head lol. I think that’s great that you are feeling better and making such good use of your time! I am sort of a scattered person and never feel like I have enough time. I’ve already felt some of the extra time coming back to me! Thanks so much!

[Ann007]

Thanks NanKath‌ so much! Congratulations on Day 40 for you! Folks like you give me hope that this will get better and knowing that you have been through the same things gives me more confidence. I know that yesterday was my hardest day by far and the intensity of it surprised me. I really appreciate you sharing! And I like the teeth brushing treat!  Have a wonderful day! 

[Ann007]

Thanks for the encouragement PrimeNumberJD‌ You’re right about the news being up, down, and all around! I saw yesterday evening that the deaths were up another person to 12! Plus I’ve been affected enough myself to know that it bothers my own health by vaping the fancy, expensive nicotine lol. Thanks for being part of my support system! I hope your day rocks! Btw, your daughter is adorable!

[Ann007]

Thanks so much sweetplt‌ ! I know that you just had a birthday too!  Btw, I love the new photo!

[maryfreecig]

Right, the mental pulls seemed to me to be so unfair--I'd made up my mind!!! I guess I learned to live with taking a big chance that I'd get better!!! That and candy and walking --and other rewards. Great job again today. Keep it coming.

[MaryRobin]

Ann007, just reading this: First, happy belated B-Day!!! Second, STAY STRONG!! Just because they are saying it’s only the “black market” vapes that are killing people doesn’t mean they know that Juul or any of the others are okay for us, let alone, not going to kill us....ALL vaping needs is more research for the FDA to make the same kind of announcement they made in the 1960’s about cigarette smoking: it causes cancer and heart disease....I am no scientist or doctor, but I have been a smoker and now a vaper for 3 years until a little over a week ago (we have been writing each other, and you are just a few days in front of me): I FEEL a difference in my lungs....I feel better, except for massive cravings when they hit. But that is a chemical dependency/addiction for us! I know it can be confusing and we are looking for any excuse to start up again with our old “friend/ENEMY” (that secretly wants to take our lives away from us, vaping, but walk away!! Do ANYTHING you need to to NOT buy and start again. If you need nicotine gum or lozenges to help you through, better than starting vaping again (I bought and am keeping some in case of massive emergency, but I don’t want to start a new addicition or encourage you, too- just my insurance policy so I don’t Smoke/vape ever again. Don’t let yourself down; you deserve to be free and you have our support!!

I almost gave in the other day, too, when tempted by a co-worker: but once I made it home and didn’t have a vape to give in to, I came on to this site and my confidence soared. The next day was a piece of cake because I had conviction and felt empowered. You can do this, and it is the best present you can give yourself, birthday girl!!! Stay strong.     

[PrimeNumberJD]

MaryRobin‌ and Ann007‌, you 2 keep this up, you'll be in No Man's land in no time; See you here!

[Redhead101]

Hi buddy I still haven't  smoked  I think this is our 10 day yeppers ,,

[PrimeNumberJD]

You're killing it Red!

[Redhead101]

Right surprised  me  though got this far ,keep. reaching  in my pockets  nothing  thire 

[PrimeNumberJD]

Just don't keep mouthing there, the muscle memory will hop after a while.

[MaryRobin]

I am with you, buddy- we are doing it!! I keep reaching in my pockets, too, and am surprised when nothing is there- so weird!

have a good weekend

[PrimeNumberJD]

Mouthing should've been anything and hop stop... darn swipe!