I was doing great - 5+ days smoke free - I truly felt like my life was changing.
First I have to explain that I am a very private person. I keep to myself, make my own choices, I have never reacted well to preaching.
The standard advice seemed to be to share my Quit - and to look for support from people closest to me. So I told my son, my daughter-in-law, my closest friend and my brother. Yesterday my friend posted about my Quit on Facebook. She did not identify me by name or identify my struggle but invited others to send support and good vibes. And then she evidently did tell some people specifics because there was a follow-up post, quite sanctimonious, from a former smoker.
This sounds minor as I type it but I felt invaded and violated. I woke up several times during the night thinking about it and when I went to the store this morning I bought a pack of cigarettes. I know that I can be stubborn, rebellious and defiant - and I have been working at directing that rebelliousness toward the Smoking Monster. But today I failed - this friend-of-a-friend (whom I neither like nor respect) was telling me what to do - and glorying in her own success. I folded.
How totally bleeping stupid. So I have drowned the cigarettes, grabbed the caboose and climbed back on the train - and now I have to go through the bleeping withdrawal all over again.
From now on I'm not talking to anyone else about this - only you folks here who so totally get it - my take with my friend is going to be that I'm doing fine and let's change the subject.......
This is so stupidly difficult
