Black Hole

[angelia.w]

Wow, I never would have thought I would have fallen this far. I did end up letting it slip to my husband that I had quit. He called me one night letting off some steam about how things are over there, not to mention a big lay off maybe coming.. He had a friend that went over the same time he did, and had already gone to work for another company and his wife couldn't remember the name, Man something. I told him that , he said that was one of the companies he told me to check into, Man Tech, I simply stated that I couldn't remeber everything, he hung up on me. when I called him back he said that I had yelled, said that I had no idea what he was going through and would not put up yelling from me. He said he knew how things were going for me (does he really?), but I just had no idea how bad it is over there.

A week or so later I broke my little toe and did some soft tissue damage to my left foot. My kids are being unruly, trying to take full advantage of me trying to play the duel parent roll. I have felt so EXTREMELY alone. ANd though I know God never lost sight of me I lost sight of HIM. I slipped I have smoked not like I was but have none the less.

There is so much more I could tell but this pretty much sums it up.

I need all of your support and PRAYERS I am clawing myself out of this BLACK HOLE and could certainly use this wonderful support system!

Love to all!
God Bless!
Angelia

[carole_]

I'm going to be the one to say this, 'cuz I'm a toughie in these types of situations when I see excuses to use just rolling off the page like bad toilet paper...There's nothing happening in anyone's life on any profound scale that gives any one of us a good reason or excuse to go back to using an addictive drug and ultimately become a using drug addict once again. Using is using. I suck, don't I? Ouch.

But it's true...and being truthful gets you a long way with this addiction...denial and lies sends us backward....

Now, you had some good quit time under your belt. It's not a time to beat yourself up, NO WAY. It is time to decide if you really want to quit or you just didn't want to smoke. If all you want to do is not smoke then its going to be an ugly rollercoaster ride.

If you truly want to quit and know what that means, inside and out, understanding that it is your mental health, physical health, and future health you are gambling with if you DON'T quit, then get back on the horse, there is no BLACK HOLE, just one more day that God promised you when you wake up tomorrow and give Him all you got by cleaning up HIS temple and reach the potential you were meant to reach as a mother, a wife, and a child of God. And, let's just add to that, you are not teaching your children how to be a drug addict too.

Yes, my prayers are with you, but God helps those that help themselves....SO help us to help you, to do that you got get back on the horse! 🙂 Much love to always Angelia!

[angelia.w]

Guess I was on the proverbial pity pot I am getting back on that horse. I'm glad you are the toughie, and you are so totally right. I'm doing damage comtrol now, not only physically but mentally and spiritually as well. Have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the pastor of my church. I gave him the run down, and he said he help me fight all the way.

Thanks again and God Bless!
Angelia

[carole_]

Oh I almost forgot! Thank you SO MUCH for being honest! So many of us slip and never say a word until we admit it to someone much later. It lets folks know that quitting is often a process but so doable. You are not afraid to look at this thing "head on" and expose it. Great step! Keep going, meet with your pastor, and reach out often! You CAN do this. We all slip at some point in our past attempts to quit. It often gets us to the final quit where we finally say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.