Halfway through my 13th day & all's well. I'm feeling good, feeling strong. I'm believeing more & more that I can do this. Tomorrow is my 2 week mark. Woo hoo!. I bring in the mail & open the cell phone bill. Reminder: I have a 19 yr.old & a 15 yr.old. Doubletake........surely not...........no way.......Yes way....$398.00. You read that correctly, $398.00. I have to walk....or scream......or cry.......or.......smoke. The worst trigger to date hits me like lightning. I don't know what to label this trigger or how to seperate from it. Anger, frustration, helplessness, debt, what? I say to myself, (outloud mind you) "Smoking will NOT make this bill any less. Smoking will NOT make me have more money to pay the bill. Smoking will NOT make my anger, frustration, helplessness, debt go away. Smoking is NOT an option." I say it again, & again. My man (a chain smoker) isn't sure what to think. I am litterally pacing & speaking outloud to myself. It only takes a few repititions & I start to HEAR what I'm saying. I start to BELIEVE what I'm saying. The urge passes. I still have my bill but I still have my quit. Yea me!
