Quick check in because my computer is going to shut down and I can't find the plug again. I quit quitting for a couple of weeks there and every cigarette made me feel horrible physically, but removed my mind to some degree from the mental/psychological stuff. I learned that there are a lot of old schema things that get in the way - things I don't remember, but are so ingrained they are habit, but more than habit - almost instinctual. So I've gotten a few more suggestions about how to deal with some things. Distraction works often. Sometimes I need a certain kind of comfort that I didn't have a way to provide. When I was a kid I used to tap my fingers on something hard and count quietly under my breath. That made people crazy and made them think I was crazy so they hollered at me a lot and I stopped, but anxiety kicked up and became part of my daily existence. A bit later, in my early teen years I learned the ASL finger spelling alphabet and I would finger spell conversations or TV shows when I was anxious. Again, it made my parents uncomfortable and I gave it up. Eventually I discovered smoking, although I hated it and got sick for a long time, it didn't make anyone else uncomfortable and it made me cooler. Well,, smoking is not cool and it's ok to tap, count, and fingerspell. I have a lot of thoughts to get down, but now is not the time. If you take a look at this, know I appreciate you and because of you believe I will be a forever nonsmoker.
