THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL FAMILY FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY INCREDIBLY SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best part: waking up today knowing that I will have more 29th bday QUALITY celebrations because I am no longer a slave to nicotine. I got here with YOUR help, love, support. So THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How the quit can be a true BIRTH DAY because it truly is REBIRTH:
Most years, I find myself depressed on my birthday. I really don't know EXactly why. I used to think it was just because of the loss of my mom in 2006 and by this time that year, things were looking very dire. We lost her a few days shy of Thanksgiving. But upon reflection, that is not all. It can’t be, because I used to get depressed on my bday even in college years too. I warned my husband about this days ago. I reminded him that my bday is never my finest time, and that I am often really down.
Last night we went to dinner with my father and aunt. As usual, my dad dominated the discussion the whole night and talked all about himself. He wasn't that way when I was young. He became very self centered about 20 years ago and honestly, I do not know the cause. But he is different now. It is sad. Ward Cleaver turned into Gordon Gekko, only my dad is not wealthy, just self-absorbed. Side note: I know I am blessed to still have my dad with me, believe me. After losing my mom, I do know that just having him here is a blessing. But his 180 degree change in personality has not been easy to see, accept, understand.
I came home disappointed in how the evening went because I always hold out hope that my old dad will return. But I am going to have to accept that he isn't coming back. This year, instead of going to bed hopeless, depressed, down, something was different.
As I sat there last night listening to my dad ramble on about himself, I noticed my husband reach across the table every now and then to grab my hand. Or, to give me a wink. When we came home, we both spilled our guts about my dad's behavior, but we didn't dwell. Then, we focused on the positive of the awesome meal and decided to watch a late night tv show we both love, along with our precious kitties.
So I woke up today in a different place than usual. I am not depressed. I have hope. And I am not dwelling on what I cannot change. I attribute this to my quit. My quit has brought me a better perspective on life and has taught me not to get caught (as best I can and I am still learning this) in downward spirals. And my quit has made my spine straighter. Through my quit, I am now reminded to ask God to help me practice the serenity prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Believe me, before I quit I was not the type of person to even try this perspective! My quit has also enabled me to start EXercising for the first time in years, and motivated me to eat healthier so that my body can heal. In turn, this means I have turned my health around for the better. So this year, while turning 43, I feel way better than I did at 35. THAT is something to celebrate!
ICING ON THE CAKE: I come here and find that my beautiful family members who mean so very much to me have realized it is my bday and receive these incredibly meaningful messages. Wow! A family that helps fill the hole of my mom not being here. And a family who moves me to tears as I type this, in a good way. A family who all across the USA, takes time out to wish me a happy birthday. And it is a great birthday, full of REBIRTH. You all touch my heart. I cannot thank you enough. Not just for the cakes, candles, well wishes, fabulous graphics, but for helping me get to this place of peace.
With love,
Stacie
