So my name is Megs and I have decided that I have to quit vaping, I quit cigarettes December 15th, 2022, because I just got diagnosed with mild emphezema which my Dr told me would repair itself if I quit all nicotine now. SO here I am feeling anxious and scared. I have been smoking for over 40 years, I am 58 years old and found out my biological father died of that disease. I don't want to die early. I mean we're all gonna die of something but I don't want to be hooked up to oxygen 24/7 and have the electricity to go out in a hurricane and be out of breath freaking the frig out cuz my tank has run out. My friend Patty died like that 2 years ago and it sucked. So I'm going to Bok Towers on April 11th and it's a Buddhist Temple meditation Towers with 250 acres of Towers and prayer places and grounds of trees and nature and prayer places to meditate and get mindful. I can't vape with my roommates sister there and thought that would be the perfect, peaceful, meditative place to be where I can commune with my friends and my Creator and just get as mindful as possible. I need to quit so bad. I vape all day, everyday. I have to charge my vape at least 1 if niot 2 times a day and fil the tank at least twice a day. It ridiculous.
In a nutshell I'm freaking. I don't drink, do drugs or smoke weed. I'll have nothing to do hand to mouth and as I said before I'm scared. Scared of failing yet again. I thought this would be a great way to quit smoking and it's turned into the devil, always there, creping me out. It has control of all aspects of my life. When i wake up, after I get out of bed, after I brush my teeth, driving, tv, reading, lying down watching sports, taking a walk to the mailbox. Guys this sh*t owns me and I hate that. I don't like being out of control and vaping literally owns me. i mean I do it ALL THE TIME.
Any suggestions would be wonderful. I am disabled. I have severe chronic pain form a failed back and 13 surgeries, plus two total replacement kness and hip has been done 3 times. My pain is consistently a 5-9 everyday all day and vaping helps take my mind off it.
I guess i'm just needing reassurance and support from people who are on the se path as I am. I don't sleep and when I do I wake up for a hit or two off the vape. I don't want to gain any more weight, I'm already a big girl and don't want to get any bigger.
At the same time I realize I'm beat and ready to quit. As ready as I'll ever be, I certainly have enough incentive. The hardest part is my roommate smokes cigarettes and that's just killin me cuz I watch her go out back and we have a sliding glass door off the family room and I can see her smoking and I get some serious dang cravings even tho I know it tastes awful and the smell is rank and she stinks like an ashtray, but she can kinda take it or leave it and I smoke one and I better just go get a damn carton cuz one is not enough and a thousand is too many. Man it killed me watching it. I know I can go into my rioom and sit in there where I can't see it, but then she opens up the door and the smoke wafts in and that poison smells so good so I suck on my vape for an hour. but that's a losing battle cuz she's been addicted and the more she smokes the more addicted she's going to become. She thinks she smokes with impunity, but she doesn't. It'll catch up with her eventually. She's hiding the cigs from me cuz I told her how much I was craving them.
Thanks for listening or reading. Megs
