Am I in trouble????

[basketcase2]

I need to get the opinions from all the ones before me....Where should I be right now?  I am finishing up day 19, and the thoughts of smoking have diminished a great deal.  It occurs to me once in a while, but no true cravings.  I know the physical stuff is over.  The emotional stuff is about to get the best of me.  I've posted before about the uncontrolled crying and how hard that is for me.  I've gotten some empathetic comments that have assured me that this is normal, and will get better.  I've gotten some flip comments that in a nutshell, have told me that the withdrawals are over and I need to suck it up and get over it.  I've tried for the past week to do just that, but it hasn't worked out for me yet.  I still burst into tears for no apparent reason and at the most in-opportune times.  I have  admit it is wearing me down.  I'm almost to the point that if it will stop the tears I will smoke again.  It has been almost 3 weeks and enough is enough.  A friend told me tonight, after I had a complete come apart in front of him and his wife that "quitting isn't for everyone" and I might be one of those people that is just not going to be able to do it.

I don't want to smoke.  I don't want to go back to hiding out.....smelling bad.....spending money just to burn, but I'll be honest with you, I can't do this emotional roller coaster much longer.  If it truly will get better, I might be able to hang in there a few more days, but I can't hang on the edge like this indefinately.  This is interferring with work, with my family time, and is shaking me to the core.  To be perfectly honest, at this moment I'd rather go back to smoking than live like this much longer.

For those of you who like "tough love"....I know what you are going to say because I've said it all to myself.  This is just an excuse.  Just don't smoke.  You're just being a baby.  You're just rationalizing.  blah, blah, blah....I've been harder than that on myself, but you get the idea.  The reality of it is, I can not live like this, but I don't want to smoke again, either.  Whether it is my quit, or something else, it doesn't matter, if this is going to continue for weeks on end....I give!  I'm hoping someone can give me hope.....or tell me I'm crazy.....or tell me it's time to see my doc.....something.  I don't know what to expect or do next?  I dont' want to go running to my doctor if this is just a normal part of quitting.

 Is the fact that after friends stopped by and innocently asked me how my quit was going and I burst into tears, and have been crying since then....almost 2 hours now.....normal or am I in some serious trouble?

[pir8fan]

Probably would not hurt to chat with your doctor! I am not an expert on the emotional side of this. Perhaps there are some better answers on the way! Just know that people here do care about your quit and we will help if we can! Try to stay calm and lets look for answers!

[kittykatze]

I can't say I've been where you are, but I can tell you about my experience so far.  I suffer from anxiety and I was able to keep it somewhat under control with my smoking (well, that's not true, the smoking was making it worse, but I didn't see that). Anyway...now that I have quit, my anxiety has nothing to hide behind and I can't pretend it isn't there anymore.  I have been forced to face it.  In my totally unqualified opinion...perhaps this is just you learning how to deal with situations without having a smoke anymore?  Also, maybe it is time to see your doc as well.  Maybe there's something going on underneath the surface, like there is with me.  Anyway, just my thoughts! But one thing I'm quite certain of is that smoking will NOT make anything better.  It may make the tears and emotions go away, but they are probably still there, hiding under the smoke.  Hope this didn't come off harsh because I'm not trying to be! Just sharing what I found personally. I really hope this gets easier for you!!  You are the reason I made it this far!! 

[basketcase2]

Thanks!  I'm doing my best....it's just this whole thing of "smoking won't change it" is usually a deterent for me, but this time, I truly believe smoking would change it!  I'm hanging by a thread right now....and I'm hoping for answers that will let me protect my quit.  I am almost exactly at the same point I was before when hubby bought me cigs told me to smoke...and I did.....and it was this same type of thing.  I've been here before, just don't know how to get past it.  It's so crazy because I truly don't want to smoke....it's not that I want a cigarette....it's that I want to feel stable, and not like a lunatic!

[kittykatze]

Please hang on until you can go see a doctor!  There really might be something else going on and wouldn't you feel better to get to the root of the problem instead of smoking?  

[basketcase2]

Kitty...thanks...I think!  LOL...the tears are streaming again!  I just can't figure out what the hell is wrong with me.  Maybe I need to focus on some other solutions....I'm drinking my quit tea now, getting ready for a good night's sleep (hopefully)  I am at home tonight, so there shouldn't be any interruptions.  Last night was terrible at work.....busy with calls on the ambulance, then one of the crews hit a deer and wrecked an ambulance.  Thank God, no one was hurt, but as a supervisor this adds to my load....and we had to juggle units to get their patient safely to the hospital....when I finally had a shower and got to bed it was nearly 3 a.m.  I was then up at 5:30 to get ready for an all day class......and here I sit, crying like a baby!  Then you go and tell me I'm the reason you have made it????????  In my eyes that is laughable right now!  LOL....sweet of you to say, but I don't feel like anyone's inspiration at the moment! 

Deep breath.....deep breath........

[maggie_8-1-2010]

I found this on Whyquit.com - hope it helps you. http://whyquit.com/whyquit/A_CaringForYourQuit.html  Also I was recently having urges as all this time and contacted a trusted friend on this who gave me all kinds of information. She told me that I was caught in the moment of 3's. That at 3 days, 3weeks, 3 months etc quitters experience lots of memory urges. She also made me feel better by telling me that thinking about smoking is not the same as actually smoking. The difference being choice.

Another thing - our hormones are working or not working as a result of quitting.  It might be wise to check that all out with a doctor. I mean, no sense in turning your back without knowing the whole story.

Try to stay as calm as possible - take a nice warm bath and then go to sleep.  I am sending positive thought and prayers your way.  Message me if need be.  ((hgus))

Maggie

[kittykatze]

Well you truly are....all these things that you go through every day are totally beyond the stresses that I go through and you are able to do it.  I can't imagine seeing and dealing with all the things that you do and not being emotional too.  You go through a LOT every day!  It's not a shock to me that you may have so much pent up stress over all of it and now that you aren't smoking it is just coming out.  I think you need to give yourself a break and let it all out.  Anyway...I'm really not that great at advice, but I'm trying! 😉

[basketcase2]

Maggie, thanks for that link!  I read it and it did help.  I've never heard of the moment of 3's....that is interesting.  I'll have to go back through my posts and see what day 3 was like for me.  I know I've been fighting this crying thing for awhile....but it seemed to be at a peak tonight.  Yesterday wasn't easy, but I could kind of laugh it off....tonight was just so intense I had to do something to get it out!  I'm beginning to feel like a drama queen!  Geez.....I hate that, too.  Hopefully, I'm not giving off that impression to everyone!  I'm settling down.....my tea is kicking in....so is my Valerian root.....hopefully it won't be too long until I'm curled up in bed!

[hebrews13]

I will be praying for you. I know very well that the emotional stuff can be sooo much harder than the physical. I wish you all the best! Joseph

[kdecker]

Don't give up! I would suggest talking to your doctor....see if there's anything that he can suggest to you to help you...it will work out...and you're not a lunatic, in fact, you sound more sane than I do because my quitting has caused my poor boyfriend to get screamed out everyday, of every hour.  Hang in there!

[vandiwa]

I believe very strongly that smokers are often self-medicating in a way that masks other problems.  I can't imagine dealing with your job.  Maybe dealing with it for so long without being able to unload is part of the problem, but I'm just guessing.  I do know that one of the professions that has the highest rate of clinical depression is oncology.  I would not be surprised to find out that EMTs have similar stats.  I also think for that reason there's probably a professional support path for you although it may be a little difficult to find.  My wife is a nurse and we dealt with a very real and very common burnout situation that meant a change in her career away from direct patient contact after several years.  Again, all this is speculation just based on the little I know about you so take it with a grain of salt, but I think it would be not just wise, but imperative that you seek some help.  It doesn't mean you're weak, one of the hardest things to do is admit you don't have all the answers.  I wish you all the best.

Tony

[grumbles]

I have had some experience with another addiction (clean for over a decade). My sponser said to me, all we can teach you here is how to stop xxx (not going to mention the addiction), and whatever your underlying issues are, you have to deal with yourself through professional help - using the steps as a guide.

So basically when I removed my principle emotional crutch (my addiction) with dealing with underlying issues (and they were depression, esteem etc etc, blah blah) I then found I had to face up to what I used my adiction to avoid. I did this by counselling, going to meetings, getting some proper medications etc.

But remember this - the work had to be done by me, and done without my addiction - ie I had to be clean.

[hwc]

It takes 2 to 4 weeks, after you stop using nicotiine,  for the nicotine drug addict's brain chemistry to revert to normal. Until then, many psychological issues are completely out of whack. It is what it is. The nicotine has completely hijacked key brain receptors that control the release of dopamine and other chemicals responsible for emotional responses. Until that brain chemistry resolves itself, you will feel stuff that makes you cry or smash your salad spinner or yell at puppies.

The idea that you are the knid of person who just can't quit is absolutely absurd. 46 million Americans have quit and they are no different than you or me. Some of them had crying jags. Some of them had other moments. It's a horrible drug addiction. There's no free lunch in getting off the drug and stopping the junkie life. You have to take it day by day, spend  your time getting support, and try to focus on each day's victories, knowing that every day that passes without using nicotine brings you one day closer to feeling true comfort as an ex smoker.

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

Hey Basket, time to tgo see the doctor.  There's a lot of brain chemistry that happens with smoking and then not smoking.  Receptors are blocked by nicotine for several months after we quit.  Smoking a cigarette would stimulate the receptors and they would release dopamine (feel good) with each cigarette.  Now you're without the dopamine and no way for other stuff to stimulate those receptors to release dopamine for several months.  Peggy had a blog not too long ago about another chemical in our brains, you might want to check out her blogs or ask her.  Your doctor can make a diagnosis and possibly start you on some medication.  It can help just knowing what is happening in your system.  Whatever you do, smoking is not an option, you're on your way to healing your body and brain chemistry, don't go back to that addict life.  Keep blogging, you're not a baby and we're here for you.

[laurie37]

Yea!!! You've already gotten wonderful advice! The loss of dopamine was almost my undoing also. But I know you are a woman of fortitude and you will overcome this obstacle. 🙂

((((HUGS)))),

Laurie

[Strudel]

I want to agree with all the above advice to see your doctor. I took Welbutrin to quit. I only took the full dose for the first 3-4 weeks and then switched to half dose. Then after several weeks - I stopped taking it. It is an antidepressant. I am not normally depressed.....so I wasn't sure how it would affect me. I didn't really feel any differently emotionally. However, I also did not go through what you are experiencing. Some sadness and readjusting to everything in my life - but nothing like you are describing. I think you really need to talk to your doctor. The two of you cna figure this out. I didn't like take anything - but, I figured if it helped me not smoke - so be it! Many people on here used Welbutrin or Chantix - especially for the first few weeks. Take care!

[molzep]

I remember even around 4 months I felt that I was more "touchy" than normal. I've read somewhere that it could be even 6 months before your chemical balance is back. I felt like I couldn't blame my quit for some of my grumpiness, but looking back? I think I can blame my quit!

For my tough love statement? - I've had failed quits before and honestly - going back to smoking does NOT "fix" all the things the quit has started. When a cigarette use to relax you? - won't be the same. And you really don't want to go through all this again if you don't need to!

You can resort to dark chocolate though - several of us from Nov 2009 quit have resorted to M&M's. They seem to work magic.

One more thing, do not listen to friends with advice that doesn't feel good. I have heard of people who just can't make it as brain surgeons, but quitters? There's all kinds of good quitters. I personally think you are well on your way to being an ex smoker - keep it up!