The truth about my smoking addiction as I partially understand it now:
The first time I smoked and drank was with anticipation of how the drug would make me numb. Yes, I knew it was a drug and I sought to self medicate. I did not want to cope with normal life issues, nor did I believe I knew how.
Overtime, the addiction led to smoking not to cope with a life issue -- but to the contrary -- I created a problem that swallowed me up, so smoking was a response to my phsiological need to feed the addiction.
What I find interesting is -- When I started smoking, I knew it was a drug and because alchol and nicotine are legal I convienced myself the drug was okay... I never turned to illegal substances out fear of ruining my life -- (you know going to jail)-- Ironic, right - because smoking ruins your life....
Allan Carr's Book reminded of a fact shoved to the back of my mind -- society trained us early on to accept this drug as okay-- he said "if the programme he listened to had been about cigarettes not mirjuana" he probably would have never started smoking because of the fear of the drug.
I feel the same way, if I had heard early on anything that remotely stated the horrors of either alchol or nicotine -- I would have never turned to it in the first place. I would just dealt with the emotions like I did other times before.
The grand deception was the first time I smoked or drank to numb myself -- Was not the first time in my life I delt with emotional turmoil. Prior to that -- I just cried and went on.
Now, I have an addiction completely unrelated to why I started and through this group and the information in this group I am working through the truth behind my addiction as part of my plan to stay quit.
