Advice for those who's significant other smokes

[jbapas]

Hi there,

One of my biggest struggles is that my fiancee smokes. He is not ready to quit yet and as I'm sure we all know, its a personal decision. No one can push you, threaten or cajole you into it. That being said, I really really struggle. I've tried to quit numerous times only to end up back outside, smoking with him. How can I avoid this? I'm sure there are others who have dealt with this? How were you successful? What did you do? What did you ask your signifcant other to do? Any advice or tips would be really helpful. My quit date is Monday 2/1. The reason I'm doing it on Monday is because at least at my office, I don't crave cigarettes so badly. Because he smokes, I dread weekends and evenings.. What can I do or what can I ask him to do to help me succeed?? Please help!

[TerrieQuit]

Hello! My Boy Friend does not live with me, however he is here from Thursday till Sunday, every week. At first I had to ask him to smoke on the porch. It is right outside the door so when he came in smoke followed him in and when I went out on my porch it stunk! So....... I moved him around to the back so he had to walk around the house. He was preturbed. I told him he could go home. He has a beard and smelled like an ashtray, harsh words all the time. I thought we would break up! But I wasn't giving up my quit/my life, No way No how! I was mean and nasty and told him many times to get out! He hung with me! His patience and kindness saved US! Guess what yesterday he celebrated his first month of freedom! and I naver ask him to quit, He did it on his own!

I cried I screamed, I blogged, I commented on every blog (still on 99%), I walked, I snapped rubberband on my wrists! Trust me I did it all and I am still here 207 days later! Hang on! It really does get better!  I promise!

Don't Quit on your Quit!

[froguelady]

Terrie is right you don't have to give up your quit because someone else smokes. Ask him to smoke outside, if he doesn't want to do that you go outside or atleast in another room. It is not easy to quit around a smoker but you can do it. Just commit not to smoke for any reason, come here blog, scream and vent your feelings. We all did this at the first of our quit, some of us still do from time to time. I was staying in a house where someone smoked during parts of my quit and did I ever consider smoking "just one", I knew it would not be just one but many. Before you smoke call someone, blog help and wait for someone to answer. If you don't have phone numbers as a life line let me know I will give you mine. 

[Giulia]

Here's a blog by Dr. Hays that may give you some answers. 

Boundaries and Support:  Living with Another Smoker

If he is supportive of your decision to quit, he will do what is necessary to help you achieve your goal.  Even at the risk of his own discomfort.  Get rid of all smoking paraphernalia in the house (ashtrays, lighters, etc.)  Ask him not to leave any cigarette packs lying around and of course to smoke outside. 

Remember this will not have to be forever.  Just until you gain security in your quit, perhaps after No Man's Land. 

But actually, once you've truly wrapped your head around the choice to make smoking not an option, temptation will be far less of a factor in your success or failure.  When you commit, no matter what, you relinquish the possibility of smoking.  It is the perceived possibility to smoke that causes relapses.  Close the possibility door in your mind and you will be free.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Put some vicks under your nose when you're around smokers

[anna90]

Hi! My husband and all four of my adult children smoke and I finally gave up cigarettes 7 days ago.  I am still a newbie myself to this no smoking life, but it is do able even if you live with smokers.  Just keep a positive attitude and telling yourself Not One Puff Ever.  I even went as far as hanging post it notes every where at home and work with that saying just as a reminder. Good luck to you. 😃

[TerrieQuit]

Oh yes, Gulia is so right about asking him not to leave the cig packs laying in the open! I told Brandy if he kept leaving them were I could see them and I smoked it would be all his fault! I Told you I was nasty! I would not have smoked any, but I just didn't wanna see them!

[jbapas]

Haha that's pretty funny Terrie!  Thanks to everyone who wrote. I will come here and  write to you all. I've never done this before but I already am feeling like I'm a little bit stronger. Its so nice to be surrounded by so many people who have fought this battle and succeeded. I appreciate all of you and the time you took from your day to reach out. It means the world to me. I know it won't be easy but its nice to know that its possible. 

[jbapas]

Hi Anna,

Congrats on 7 days! I am so happy for you! 

[Kimshine]

You keep going strong, I bet it is tough living with another smoker!

You can do it though, I have faith in you!

You got some great advice above!

[joyeuxencore]

You are surrounded with lots of loving support as you begin this amazing journey back to your authentic self as it emerges from the 'smokescreen'. You will learn new and lovely ways to cope with all the good and bad life has to offer...

In the beginning just follow advice from above and remember you are doing this for YOU. xo

[Eric_L.]

Do the exercises on the site and keep blogging.