A success in the making

[John-C.]

My perspective on ex-smokers has changed a lot since when I was in the early stages of my quit. I used to think of those who had quit as always struggling with the desire to smoke. I used to think that all ex-smokers would have a cigarette, if it were healthy, if it were not so socially unacceptable, if it did not cause their clothes, homes and cars to smell bad. Now, I do not smoke. And, it is just as though I had never picked up a cigarette. A non-smoker does not smoke, at all. A non-smoker does not even think about having a cigarette. I can easily imagine my life this way, had I never gone that route to becoming a one-time-smoker by naively ignoring the potential life impact it would have.

As determined as I am at this point to remain smoke-free, it really is not that hard. As much energy as I put into thinking of possible situations where I would be tempted to smoke, there is seldom a moment that I would imagine myself a smoker again. And, as angry as I can be at myself for ever picking up the nasty habit, addiction and lifestyle of a smoker, I can happily say that those days are behind me.

This has been the single most challenging thing I have ever done. If it is not a challenge to do what it requires, to line up all the other options (toothpicks, breath mints, imbibing water, reading), to set up strategies to convince yourself firmly that this is the right thing for you (despite contrary messages from your mind, your own self), to establish supports who will encourage you, educate you and help reward your efforts, to break a habit that is backed up firmly by an insidious addiction which asks and asks for your complicity, to establish your motives and make firm your commitment daily to this quest, than I have not been challenged.

Now, the challenge is met. Hundreds of days sound like a lot. They felt like a long time for me, while I was in the early stages of my quit. The reason for this was probably that those early days were some of the most productive days of my life. If this sounded like too much to handle, to manage the rest of my life as an ex-smoker, I looked at, experienced, and enjoyed those days one at a time.

The trick for me was not to try to enjoy every moment. It was to allow myself to enjoy those moments, in which I was content without the use of a drug. It was to allow myself to feel a craving, without giving it a name like deprivation or "missing it". It has been to separate that chemical reaction from the reality that I am a happy ex-smoker.

I have seen many successful quits on this site. It is amazing how time flies and how one becomes an ex-for-life. Everyone on this site has a common goal: to achieve a smoke-free life. This means not taking one puff, because that is what an ex-smoker does: Never Takes Another Puff, Not One Puff Ever (N.T.A.P./N.O.P.E.)! That is the HOW.

[stillquit13-months]

Hi all, I have been a non smoker for about 5 mos now. Although it is easier I "still" have ver tough days (like today!). So, when and how long til I can get to your happy place? Appreciate any support and/or advice!

[hwc]

What a great post! Thanks...

"The trick for me was not to try to enjoy every moment. It was to allow myself to enjoy those moments, in which I was content without the use of a drug. It was to allow myself to feel a craving, without giving it a name like deprivation or "missing it". It has been to separate that chemical reaction from the reality that I am a happy ex-smoker."

This is so true. I just accepted that the cravings or thoughts of smoking were simply something that had to be dealt with to get where I wanted to go. I never really fixated on those moments the way I sometimes read here. Sometimes I just shifted my mind to something else, quicky before the urge ever really took hold. Other times, I consciously thought, "OK, I get up and do something. A coffee break on the deck. A piece of red licorice. Walk around. Whatever. Still other times, I embraced the crave, taunting it and challenging it to take its best shot. The one thing you cannot do is let a crave sit and fester, attaching more and more sense of magical power in that "one" imaginary cigarette.

[barbara42]

after we get the physical dependency over with, it is mind over matter, i know some will not agree with me, but it is so true, you just have to control your mind. not as easy as i make it out to be, but it is not that hard either, once you make up your mind to quit and do not go back, it is not that hard

[andrew2]

John

I like that attitude, I make a conscious effort to switch any crave situation around, so if I think about smoking, I immediately start to think about all the negative things about smoking, and in seconds the thought has passed. I will look out for your comments cos it is always nice to get some really positive thoughts.

As a smoker, I used to negatively dwell on those early days when i started smoking. Now I look back at it as a life lesson, as well as learning to cope with difficult situations without the mandatory " I NEED .....".

The real great thing is that down in the Southern hemisphere, we are moving into Winter, and I will not need to wrap myself up, so i can go outside to have a smoke! - have a great weekend

[hwc]

Yep. There's no law that says our inner nicotine junkie is the only one who gets to play mind games. It's perfecty within the rules for our inner "ex-smoker" to turn the tables and start laying mind games on the nicotine addiction and all its learned triggers. One of the most helpful tricks is to find an assortment of educational materials that helps develop a mindset of utter scorn for nicotine addiction and its trap. There is no way anyone can read an Allen Carr book or watch an evening of Joel Spitzer videos and think, "you know, this nicotine addication ain't so bad after all...." The best mindgame of all is reaching the point where you view your old nicotine addiction as pathetic, without a single, solitary redeeming value or benefit. Once you get to that place, it's hard to work up much enthusiasm for smoking.

[lisa32009]

I agree, great post. I guess everyone has their own way of looking at it. I've come to admire those who never smoked, over the years. They don't know what it's like to have a cup of coffee and enjoy a cigarette, to me they just go together, like a hot dog and mustard. But, I have also come to realize that I am a smoker, and will always be a smoker. I simply choose not to smoke. I know what that first cigarette of the day tastes like, I know what that smoke after a meeting that went 3 hours instead of two feels like. I have had the experience of the addiction, non-smokers have not. And non-smokers have not gone through the horrible existance of quitting. It's been 35 days for me...a drop in the bucket to most of you out there, but I certainly would not want to go through this again. Anyway, to my point, (I know there's one somewhere here, forgive me, this has been happening to me a lot lately!) I will never be one of those nasty ex-smokers that tells smokers how bad it is for them to smoke, how much it smells, or walk by someone who smokes, coughing and waving my hand in front of my nose, while giving them a nasty look. I will never do that. Because I know what it is to smoke, I know the addiction, and I know how hard it is to quit. I promise I will never, never do that!

Although, I really am going to miss using my favorite comeback line when someone would tell me that smoking would stunt my growth. I would always say, "Thank goodness I started smoking when I was 9!"

I'm 5 feet 10 inches tall! 😉

[sandi8]

I only have 40 days in no not only I have 40 days in and i am learning everyday that a cig will not help in any situations an a** h*le is still gonna be that even if i have a cig because he made me mad

[hwc]

I make a conscious effort to switch any crave situation around, so if I think about smoking, I immediately start to think about all the negative things about smoking, and in seconds the thought has passed.

Absolutely, Andrew. That is essential. I don't know of a successful long-term quitter who didn't come to view nicotine addiction and smoking in the most negative possible light. It is what it is. After you take off the "beer goggles" of addiction and see smoking for what it it really is, it's a pretty ugly thing.

Anyway, to my point, (I know there's one somewhere here, forgive me, this has been happening to me a lot lately!) I will never be one of those nasty ex-smokers that tells smokers how bad it is for them to smoke, how much it smells, or walk by someone who smokes, coughing and waving my hand in front of my nose, while giving them a nasty look.

Don't be so sure, Lisa. Never is a long time! I have no urge to do that stuff to smokers, but everytime I see a smoker standing outside, I have a mental image of a heroin addict with a syringe, getting a fix. I make no bones whatsoever about what the deal is with smoking. I know. I let it control my life for 38 years. Imagine, 38 years of never running out of cigarettes. Of never leaving the house without first double-checking to make sure I had a lighter or matches. Of fishing half smoked butts out of the ashtray. Of burning holes in the drivers seats of every car I ever owned. For what? Just one reason, because I lived in fear of the withdrawal that would come if I ever stopped. Silly me. If I had only figured out that the only way to stop the withdrawal WAS to stop smoking. Duh.

[John-C.]

I have a friend who smokes. His health has not been so good recently and he had a heart condition that was being looked into. I don't have to drill it into him that I don't like his smoking. However, when he's open to hearing it, I will remind him of some of the many health risks and of the benefits of quitting sooner rather than later.

I find it hard to hold back, when I can share what a great experience it can be to quit smoking, a healing experience. I never had anyone hound me about smoking while I was a smoker, but only people who would voice their concern at times. So, that it what I do for others, too. I think it is only fair that I show the same kind of love, which others showed me, and which worked in my case.

hwc, well... you make a good point, that we have wasted part of our lives bothering about cigarettes. There are many who did not quit early enough to be worried about such trivial matters, though! And true, it makes it a lot easier to quit if you see it for the evil that it really is, at least in my experience it has been.

[hwc]

John:

The only thing I would say to a smoking friend (I don't know anyone who smokes, anymore), is that quitting is "doable" and not half as bad as they are imaging. That's the message I wish my ex-smoker friends had given me. They always told me I should quit (which I knew) rather than offering hope that I could quit.

Nancy:

Everyone is different and the path to comfort is probably different depending on how you quit. However, I believe that two keys are:

a) continuing your education (basically brainwashing yourself to view smoking as pathetic in the same way that your nicotine addiction brainwashed you into viewing it as a magic elixer).

b) Embrace the craves. At this point, you've either getting hit with first-time or rare triggers or you are allowing yourself to associate totally unrelated feelings with smoking. In the first case, try to identify the triggers. In the second, understand that even people who never smoked a cigarette in their lives have bad days. Don't assume that everything is caused by not smoking.

[John-C.]

Nancy,
I still have hard days. However, this has nothing to do with not smoking, it has to do with my own mental make-up and the circumstances I am in. As much as one can say that nicotine makes one feel better, it really is only serving to relieve the withdrawal pangs of the addicted mind. After being off of nicotine for five months or so, the withdrawal pangs are over and it is just a matter of letting one's mind settle into the fact that smoking does not make one feel better. I know life can deal a real tough deck but keep your chin up and keep fighting the good fight! If you are in it for the long haul, you are a non-smoker for life and you should be happy at that. Are you using nicotine replacement, or other therapies, or have you gone cold turkey?

[stillquit13-months]

Thanks so much for the great advice and encouragement 🙂 I used the patch the first 3 days and stopped because I am allergic. So basically, cold turkey. Some people feel that's not so good because they say people tend to go back to smoking do to feeling deprived instead of "over it". It is so true though, because I am not smoking anymore I "do" blame all the down moments on not smoking!

[Makela]

Great blog! Thanks John!