A little bit furious!

[constanceclum]

I have been in and out of AA since 1988. I have met many people who were sober for decades and had very compassionate hearts for the relapser. We now know that addiction is a disease. It has nothing to do with will power. However, there are also many people in AA who treats the relapser as if they have been "doing it wrong" I call those people the AA nazi's. I am finding some of this on this site. Science tells us it may take up to 10 tries to be successful at quitting smoking. And, as unique as everyone is, it might take many different ways for different people to quit. Some can quit cold turkey, others need NRT's, and what we're finding out, even in reports from the American Cancer Society, some hardcore smokers may need to use more than one NRT. I have met reformed drinkers and smokers that think they can bully people into quitting, rather it be drugs, drinking, or smoking. I hope the newbies on this site don't pay attention to that BS. I really don't think those people know that they are the primary cause of relapse and of people not bothering to come back.

Connie

[linda258]

The only person who can make someone quit is themself.... the only person who can make someone smoke ... is themself.

I'm a little bit furious about you calling anyone who spends time trying to help people a Nazi. 

People make a choice to smoke... then sit back and use any and every excuse they can think of to blame an event, person or the weather. 

I hope the newbies pay ALOT  of attention ... becuase they have helped many a newbie get to where they wanted to be..... a non smoker. Yes, people who are trying to quit often smoke.... and people try to support and tell them to get right back out there.  Yes, we are addicts..... and even that is not an EXCUSE ..  to smoke. 

You have CONTROL .... you are the only one who does.  There are NO good excuses to smoke.  If you choose to smoke well then you made a choice not to quit. 

If you want to see a real addict.... look at me. Over 45 years... two packs a day.  At 42 years old I delivered a child ...au natural... got up and had my husband walk downstairs with me so I could smoke .... I sneaked out of the hospital to SMOKE.

i OWE MY QUIT TO THE "NAZI" ... tell the truth people on this site.  

[JonesCarpeDiem]

i don't know who came up with this 10 times thing but i believe it just gives people 10 excuses to fail when they may have done it in one. After all Connie, what actually changes from failing to succeeding at this? The only thing than can change, the persons viewpoint and commitment.

I think many would get there sooner if there weren't so much bs thinking and more being willing and doing.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

"Some can quit cold turkey, others need NRT's, and what we're finding out, even in reports from the American Cancer Society, some hardcore smokers may need to use more than one NRT."

What it comes down to is that we are all addicts and as addicts we all fall under the EXact same law - The Law of Addiction!

Administration of a drug to an addict will cause reestablishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance. Period.

EXplaining that law and it's consequences and repercussions is the most compassionate act that an EXer can take! Because it is the absolute truth no matter who you are, no matter how much you smoke(d), no matter how many years you smoked. It is non discriminatory.

You're right - it has nothing whatsoever to do with will power! But it does have to do with one's knowledge of and choice to apply this law of addiction at all times!

We ARE unique but addiction is not! It's just the same old story of heartbreak and illness, again and again and again!

[Brenda_M]

I find this blog a little strange, because I've seen only compassion and love and a strong desire for the relapsers we've had to have success.

Also, if someone relapses, didn't they, by definition, do it wrong? It's one of Dale's pithier comments about how, if you're quitting and smoking at the same time, you're doing it wrong.

I agree with linda, too, that I don't think it's appropriate to call people who volunteer their time to help others overcome their addictions, be it from alcohol or tobacco, Nazis. That's just not cool. We can disagree without being disagreeable.

[SmokedOut041412]

Connie,

I agree that everyone is certainly NOT the same and what may work for one may not for another. I CHOSE the patch which was what worked for me---my husband chose cold turkey, it worked for him.

In saying that, I also believe some people need the kinder approach for support while others need the rougher or more tough love approach.

One thing for sure...If you quit and start again---you haven't QUIT. You simply STOPPED for a period of time. This is not to say GIVE UP. Keep trying until you QUIT once and for all.

♥

My best to you, 

Teresa

[mary274]

There is no bullying on this site. I'm amazed at your last sentence: "...those people know they are the primary cause of relapse and of people not bothering to come back." I AM THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHOICES. I am the one who after six years of quitting DECIDED that I could "just have one" and found myself smoking again and on this site. No one else but little 'ole me. One has to DECIDE and do it...no excuses. If you don't do it then you really don't want it bad enough. I have a young adult son who has gone through treatment and is sober now. All the pressures he has right now of school, work, life in general, it would be absolutely ridiculous for him to blame the choice to use again on someone else. He made the DECISION to stay clean, and if someday he has a relapse, it will be completely HIS DECISION. I don't want coddling from this site...for the sake of my health I want the straight-up truth.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

And while you brought it up, let's talk about the NRT. Why would anyone need more nicotine per day as a non smoker than they were getting as a smoker? Because of the disease? It makes no common sense Connie.

You don't think people should be warned that if they get in the habit of popping a piece of gum every time they get uncomfortable might lead them to by psychologocally addicted to the nrt as well as physically addicted to the point they have to fear trying to get off the nicotine?

They don't pass out drinks for the road at AA do they? (you receive twice the nicotine in the lowest dose of gum as you receive from a cigarette).

We all know people who are still hooked on the NRT for years, maybe forever.

I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I didn't give them any warning.

Nobody tells anyone here how they must quit but I feel some warnings and information on all the brainwashing that's distributed may be in order so people don't have to fail 10 times or more and wallow in it..

[YoungAtHeart]

I am offended by your generalizations.

Nancy

[Sootie]

Well--I sort of agree with Nancy----

I'm not offended by your generalizations......but could you elaborate on what made you so angry? What  was the bullying incident or who? Perhaps, rather than leave, you want to address the person directly in a private message OR.......better still....just ignore them. 

Not everyone on here agrees with everyone else. Its an internet site.......there are people on here from EVERYWHERE----literally! How could we all ever think the same....that would be actually weird.

Why leave? If you don't like bullying (and I don't either) don't take part in it and speak firmly against it.

I hope you keep your quit.

[etel2nal407]

There's a comic who makes a joke, can't remember their name, but the joke goes like this:

Addiction is the only disease you can be yelled at for having.

That's the problem, not enough people are compassionate to addicts, especially other addicts. I've been to NA meetings and AA alike and have heard the 12 step program, the serenity prayer, all the mantras that go with recovering addicts and alcoholics alike. Smokers are no different, except that nicotine is only a mild stimulant, just far more addictive. 

I was accosted upon joinging this site for saying what I'm taking as a four letter word here, "vape". I don't get that at all. I understand that most of you feel the nicotine is the problem and in order to recover from an addiction you must stop ingesting the chemical you're dependent on, but let's look at it this way.

If you had a morphine addict who was taking 10 pills a day and then going to the bar and getting completely drunk, to come home and beat his wife because she didn't put enough salt on his rice, you'd have a problem and I'd say his problem starts with Morphine, but there's much more to it that's a problem. If you could still give him the Morphine, but keep him out of the bar, and keep him from beating his wife, would that be progress? If you say, "No, it isn't" then you just aren't using logic.

So, staying with the same logic now, a smoker lights up and inhales carbon monoxide, nicotine, and a plethora of other dangerous chemicals that accelerate the nicotine "high". Now, if you could still give that smoker a vapor free of carbon monoxide and many other toxins found in tobacco cigarettes but still containing the addictive nicotine, you're making progress.

You all should really stop belittling others for their own methods. It's like calling someone a name because they're gay and you're not. Hate mongering begins because someone thinks they know more about you than you do. Everyone is unique, what works for you may not work for another, so share your story, but don't think for a second you know how I can quit, or even how I can choose to quit, because you don't.

[Newfound_Joy]

I am late to the story, but you have received some EXcellent comments.  When I first joined this site, I came up with some lame excuse why I didn't like it, so I "got to" go out and smoke for 2 more years.

When I am pointing one finger at "you" (meaning anyone or even the EX World), I am pointing 3 fingers back at myself.  I cannot tell you the JOY and the Gratefulness that I feel that I came back here, and most of all that I came WILLING this time.