I've known for a couple of weeks that I will be quitting vaping today. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 16yo and around 23yo I got real tired of the cost, smell, image, and health effects and decided to pick up vaping as a means to quit smoking cigarettes. Well... it worked. I haven't touched cigarettes in over 5 years, but I haven't gone a day without a vape in my pocket.
I got more addicted to my Juul than I ever was to cigarettes; you can really hit them anywhere any place and no one has a clue. After I quit cigarettes by switching to vaping, my mindset changed from, "oh, I'll switch to vaping to help me quit." to "oh, I don't need to quit, this is way healthier, doesn't smell, and doesn't make me feel nearly as ***ty as cigarettes". 5 years later and I'm done, it's time to quit. As a researcher, I read some published studies on GC-MS analysis on what exactly IS in the vapor from a Juul, and of course, it IS safer than cigarettes, but these "truths" I told myself were half-truths. Despite it being a better alternative, it was still affecting me both physiologically and mentally; it was killing me slowly and I knew it. I mean come on, breathing anything into your lungs that isn't air (of course medications like albuterol don't count) is NOT good for you, but sold myself the lie and backed it up using science, ashamed to be honest.
Today is my quit day and it is much more emotional than I had expected. I'm an emotional guy to begin with, but damn, today's been a rude awakening. It really does feel like I've lost a part of who I "am", but I know it's not who I am, it is who I became, and I don't ever want to be that person again. I want to live a longer, healthier, happier life. I want to have sperm that isn't deformed. I want to save the ones I love from second-hand vapors. I want to never think, "oh I wish I wasn’t here/doing this so I can vape." when I'm somewhere or doing something I love with people I love. I want to not need to sneak off to the restroom to vape at work or at my SO's family's house. I never want to spend 30 minutes anxiously tearing my place apart looking for my vape in the couch cushions. I want to be able to leave the house without a vape without feeling extreme anxiety and/or counting down the minutes until I can return home. I want to be more productive, period, at work and at home. I want to no longer feel embarrassed and judged for a decision I made when I was 16. I want to stop creating so much single-use plastic waste that is destroying the planet and save some money and time while doing so.
Despite having an amazing support group of family and friends that l love me, I still feel alone in terms of understanding addiction, withdrawal, and what it's like to constantly and consistently tell a part of your brain to "**bleep** off, I made this choice and I don't want it". None of my support has smoked and if you haven't smoked, you really can't imagine. Reading ya'lls recommendations and experiences over the last couple of weeks on how to prep for quit day and what to expect has made me thankful to have found ya'll.
Well, long story short, today is the first day of the rest of my life, and despite the challenges, emotions, and temptations that await I could not be more proud of my decision and am lucky to have stumbled upon the Ex community.
One day at a time.
MM
