A Pirate Looks at 30

[geronimo]

(For all you Jimmy Buffet fans I know the song says 40 but I'm not waiting another 10 days). 

Today marks the end of a month smoke free. I've been looking forward to this milestone and now that I'm here...meh, just another day. I guess I figured I'd be feeling more normal by now but I'm not. Still having trouble concentrating and still feeling kind of uncomfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I can go an entire 15 minutes without thinking about the fact that I'm quitting smokinhg :>) I'm quitting, I'm quitting, I'm quitting ...Ad infinitium. It gets exhausting.

My biggest triggers are still conflict of any kind and any time I finish a job at wortk (rare these days. If I don't get fired before my concentration returns it will be a friggin miracle). A couple of days ago I had a little morning spat with my wife and had to leave the house to keep from smoking (she still does). Had cravings so bad that day I ended up sneaking out of work around lunch to go to the movies to distract myself. Sitting there with all the other losers (who goes to the movies alone in the middle of the day?) I got pretty depressed. I started wondering if this was all worth it. If I had known then what I know now... etc...

Then I remembered my day at the beach, and that I'm having more good days (not perfect days but good enough) than horrible days, that I can breathe deeply again, that my BP and heart rate are both down 10 points, that I can hug my grandkids without worrying how I smell, that it gets easier (so they keep telling me, so far its been BS :>), that at this point caving is not an option anyway so you may as well muddle through.

So 30 days wasn't the pinnacle I had hoped for but after smoking a pack a day for 45 years I guess I had unreasonable expectations. I'm hanging on to this quit no matter what anyway so it is what it is. 

Cheers

[elvan]

The craves will get weaker, you sound like you are white knuckling your quit and that's not good.  You need to read and have alternative plans for smoking....go for a walk, eat an ice cream cone, take a shower, do ten jumping jacks, PLAN your own intervention.  The craves are strong because you are fighting them and arguing with them, dismiss them, say to yourself, "I don't do that any more" and MEAN IT.  I smoked for 47 years on and off, mostly on, I can't tell you the exact moment when it got easier but I can tell you that after more than a year and a half, I am still struggling to breathe, I am on oxygen at night, I would not wish this on anyone and you deserve better.  Please hang in there, go read jonescarp's page about what to expect the first 130 days and plan for all of the different scenarios, you can do this.  If I can, anyone can!

HAPPY 30TH DAY!

[cpsono]

Hi, I can totally relate.  A big surprise for me was that it wasn't over at 30 days.  I thought if I got through the first month, I'd be home free.  NOT!  I'm at 92 days and sometimes it's still very uncomfortable.  You're right-it is exhausting!   Someone on here said that we have to be willing to be uncomfortable for as long as it takes, so I'm waiting for the "as long as it takes".  I hate how this addiction talks to us and it could make us want to give up our quits.  I'm just remembering Jackie's motto:  SINAO-smoking is not an option!

[jonilou]

Wow, I'd really like to give you and Connie some good news.......it is different for every one and the more emotional upsets and depressed self hating moments you get through without that crutch, the stronger you will get. You just have to take each day and try to be thankful for all the GOOD things you are feeling, and that you don't stink, you're not staining your teeth, that you're not slowly killing yourself. One day soon you will wake up and it will all feel better, I promise.

[geronimo]

@elvan - Just to clarify, I'm only rarely having what I would call a "craving" like the one that drove me to the movies. I was refering to the constant nagging- it's not even a temptation, just a dysphoric (opposite of euphoric) uncomfortableness that's managable but sucks up a lot of energy and steals most of my CPU cycles. I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing to be done about them. None of the "tricks" work because trying to distract yourself from them just serves to remind you that they are there. It's a vicious cycle.

No way through but through

[YoungAtHeart]

You are SO right - no way out but through.  You might write down how awful you are feeling so you remember it well if you get an urge to smoke  in the future.  You only want to go through this once!!!!

This is a not unlike a roller coaster ride with ups and downs and twists and turns.  If you are not have ANY good days by now - you need to up your self talk.  Can you think of something with which you can treat yourself with the money you have saved?  Can you rejoice in the fact your sense of taste and smell are improving, that you don't cough after every good laugh.  There ARE good things to celebrate along the way.....

Nancy

[Barbara145]

Quitting is wonderful but not yet for you.  YOU SMOKED FOR 45 YEARS.  Give it time, it takes time.  I smoked for 52 years.  It took time but it is worth everything. Are you doing all the reading.  It is important.  Don't give up.  The best is yet to come. 

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Congrats on 30 days.  It may not seem monumental but it is.  I understand that you want to be further down the road but you can not get there by leaping.  I know you do not like the one day at a time mentallity but we can only live one day at a time.  Instead of thinking I am quitting smoking.  How about thinking I have quit smoking. That may help the endless circle of thought.  You are doing better than you think. Pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to something.  Think about all that money you have saved.

[TerrieQuit]

Hi! I am real happy to hear from you! It is hard! and I've heard you! about the one day at a time thing, but really , it is all we have. That is how I have gotten to where I am (not very far ahead of you) and I am starting to have days where I hardly think of smoking at all. Hang in there! We will have our ups and downs! More ups that downs at this point.Plus you won day one, you don't want to have to go back!

Hang in there my friend!

Terrie  52  DOF

[JonesCarpeDiem]

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-...

you begin to forget about 100 days.

You will suddenly realize "I didn't think of smoking one time today"

Then you will begin to have these days frequentky.

[Giulia]

Don't forget (have you?) when we smoked,  our days were consumed with thinking about cigarettes too.  We just didn't realize it.  I smoked on average about every 20 minutes.  Get the pack out, find the lighter, get the ashtray, go to the store, buy some more, clean out the ashtray...plus  all those miinutes one of those King Sizes lasted.  Plus all the times we had to plan ahead to smoke in places where we couldn't.  And we were craving that next cigarette even when we smoked, but never really thought about in that way.  Is it any wonder this forgetting process takes a while?!

But it WILL happen.  And today is not just another day.  Today you have accomplished a great feat - One Month Smoke Free.  People are ACHING to achieve that all over this site.  PRAYING that they can get there.  Today is very much more than just "another" day.  And don't you forget it!

[AbasKid]

Very good job, Geronimo! I would say congrats, but I realize you are not feeling that. Nor am I, but I only have 18 days without smoking.

What I have to constenly remind myself of is 1. I am an addict. 2. My ego is throwing some horrible temper tantrums. 3. When I really feel I NEED that smoke, I realize that when I smoked, the cifarette did absoulutely NOTHING to alleviate whatever pain or discomfort I'm feeling when I smoked. What makes me think it's going to now? My backache was always still there. There frustration I felt was always still there. The irritation I felt still agravated me---------SMOKING DID NOT FIX ANY OF IT!

I'm not happy or comfortable in my skin either, by a long shot. But, it seems to be marginally better. I would like to be a happy camper one day, but it's not going to happen reight awat, I'm thinking. I smoked for over 58 years. It's just going to have to work it's self out.

But the biggest help for me right now is remembering thar smoking did not actually resolve one single issue I was dealing with. Never did, and it never will.

Hang in there buddy. I'll be rpoud for you until you can be proud for yourself...

[amanda_100]

Congrats on one month! I visited my best friend's new baby daughter last week. Anna was born on July 1. I was SO happy that I could hold her without wondering if I smelled like cigarettes, and that I was happy to babysit while my friends went out for dinner (because I didn't feel like I would need to have a smoke!). You get this too. It's wonderful. Keep thinking along those lines!

[tjanddj]

I wrote the quote below in one of my blogs and I still stick with it.  Congratulations on 1 month. You are on one of the best journey's ever that you can do for yourself! You are on your way! 

Above all, don't fear difficult moments. The best comes from them.

-Rita Levi-Montalcini

and that is a quote I will stick with during this journey. The benefits are awesome!

[Jennifer-Quit]

For me - it got much better after my first 30 days.  I am fortunate that I do not live with a smoker - that would have to be tough - but you can do it!!!