My first "best friend",
the first addiction to take hold of me and now the last addiction to add to my list of ex's,
Smoking, you became a presence in my life at a time when I needed relief the most. You became my first "best friend" to provide me relief during a dark time amid my divorce and the downward spiral of my mental health. Your "support" never failed me, but our relationship was a complicated one because I didn't want anyone to know. Little did I know you were a wolf in sheep's clothing and that you were taking me down a disastrous path that would keep me entangled for years to come.
Smoking, you have been so "generous". In fact, our relationship eventually introduced me to my next "best friend", Alcohol. We were the three amigos, but still I tried to keep you both to myself by hiding our relationship from everyone around me until I finally didn't.
As for our relationship, Smoking, we were out in the open for most to see. You "helped" to provide me opportunities to socialize with others that shared the same relationship as us. Your "guidance" "encouraged" me to take time out, to step away from stressful moments, which were determined by you.
Eventually, I came to realize our relationship was toxic because of the constant demands you put on me. We separated a time or two, but I always ran back when I needed you to get me through another time of incredible emotional pain. Besides, Alcohol and I needed our third amigo back.
With the three amigos back in the saddle together, we all rode together. Then our "friend group" expanded further when we picked Drugs up along the way. It was then, I would come to believe, I had everything I "needed". In good times and in bad, I had a group of "friends" that made me feel so much "support". I eventually found myself desperately needing to take "comfort" from the embrace of my "friends". We were all ride or die; I never thought I would ever want to be away from any of you. We were so, so close, inseparable really.
At times, our relationships were rocky. I would begin to see that none of you were good influences on me, causing me to leave. It wouldn't take much for you all the persuade me back into your magnetic embraces, "comforting" me at a moment's notice, especially during times of need. Occasionally, we would all go out and have a great time. Despite this, it would mostly be you, Smoking, and me, always out and about, just like many times before.
Eventually, after many years being on and off together, I felt it was time to say goodbye. I was finally able to leave the friend group. Smoking, you were the last one I walked away from.
For more than a year, we had no contact. In a fatal turn of events, I made the mistake of answering your siren call. From that moment on, we picked our relationship back up, getting right back to where we left off. You eventually "upgraded" your look, from "humble" cigarette to "fancy and more sophisticated" vape. Your new look allowed us to be together more often, especially in places we were never together before. Ultimately, your "upgrade" made our relationship much more convenient.
The reality is that I see our time together coming to a close because I don't see a future with you. Smoking, I see our relationship in the same light as I see with my ex. With both of you, the relationship has been on and off for years. With both of you, each period of separation becomes much longer while our time together becomes much shorter. I have finally come to trust myself, which is how I became the person I am today. Today, I am a stronger, self-assured and confident force to be reckoned with. Today, I see my worth, value my life and, most importantly, the place the love and dedication I have to my daughter first.
The time has come that I am losing you both and prioritizing my daughter and me.
Smoking, you represent two things I abhor the absolute most; lying and stealing. You are constantly telling me how much I need you, despite the fact that I actually know better. You are constantly stealing my money, my health and my life. Your absolute greatest offense? It's that you are also trying to steal me away from my daughter.
Smoking, I can assure you this has created your undoing. It is with that, I am leaving you, my first "friend", for the last time. I am leaving you in the graveyard that contains every soul sucker that tried to cause me harm. It's where you belong, among every other ex, however they existed. I'm moving forward, free from you so that I can be more present for longer than you ever would allow.
Deuces! Goodbye.
