A Funeral, A Panic Attack, and A Relapse :(

[meme21]

Yep! And just in that order! I was just trotting along through NML with over 6 months behind me and "THUD!"...I fell off the old pony and hit the ground hard!! I've got no excuses to give myself or anyone else, but if hind sight counts for anything I've located some pretty big errors in my pony ridding ability. the biggest of which was NOT listening to and following instructions well. I can't say I wasn't warned plenty of times about the sneaky little nicodemons just waiting to spring their surprise attack on ya in NML so what I can say is that I just didn't take those warnings to heart like I should have.

BUT, as my dear Dad use to say, "if you get bucked off that pony then get right back on!", which is exactly what I plan to do. I've set my quit date for Nov. 20. Yes, I know it's the Great American Smokeout, but hey, misery loves company, right?

[elvan]

Glad you are setting a quit date and going to get right back up on that pony or horse. NML is usually from day 30 until day 130 so if you had over six months behind you, you had passed NML but that never means that anyone can stop being vigilant. There will always be triggers and we always have to try to be ready for the ones we know might happen. The panic attacks are rough but please remember that smoking does not help anything, all it can do is to make things worse...increase stress, increase depression, everything we think we are using nicotine to get rid of...nicotine makes worse.  

Do your reading and preparation and have your own little toolkit for what you will do INSTEAD of smoking...this will be the first Great American Smokeout when I don't feel like HIDING! 

Welcome back,

Ellen

[JonesCarpeDiem]

you can't experience everything in the first 1390 days.

i refer to the time after nml as the 2 sets of seasons. that means from funerals to car accidents to health surprises plus the physical season changes. they are all triggers.

chanve of failue drops dramatically at 2 years.

stay with it!

[meme21]

Thanks you two....I'm back to doing the drill again....prepare, prepare, prepare! And yes Elvan, I don't want to feel like hidding this year for the first time EVER!!  That should be some good incentive 🙂

[linda258]

Really sorry that this happened.  You can do this. 

[annb]

Hi Meme!! So glad to see you! I remember you from our original caravan! I have been wondering about you and here you are!! Yay! Yes this CAN be our forever quit. I had my flop relapse too -um several of them. But I am back (with 15 days today) and it's a different, strong quit this time. Get ready and let's ride! 🙂

[Brenda_M]

Hi, Meme, glad you're back, though it's a shame you're starting over. I hope this time you stay with us longer and more often! The support really does help!

[newlife5]

i am so sorry to hear this.. i remember when i lost a 6 month quit i was devastated and cried for two weeks... it took me two years to get my quit back...

we are here for you... remember that

[Giulia]

We can give you all the advice and you can listen and take it all in.  But this is an addiction.  And it seems to override many of our commitments and proclamations under certain tmes of duress.  I think you knew all the answers, you simply chose to ignore them.  May I suggest you don't allow yourself the comfort of another week of smoking and reinforcement of your addiction.  Start again NOW.  Waiting until Nov. 20th will only make it that much harder after another week of growiing back the nicotine receptors in your brain and the hand-to-mouth connection psycholologically. that you'll be encouraging every day 'til then.  Come on now... don't lie to yourself.

[sadiewilliams]

I do have to agree with that last post of waiting til the 20th.  It will only be that much harder, and just think, you can do it, you made it 6 months without one,  I have been where you are with the quitting and falling off the horse, and let me tell you, we are our worst enemy.  But we are also humans, who make mistakes! Don't let this define who you are, so you slipped, immediately go back to not smoking and go on!! 

Earlier this year, I went through 2 funerals, one was for an 18 year old, who was the flower girl in my wedding 13 years ago, and the other was my brother in law, who was only 51 years old.  He found out he had cancer and died 29 days later.   I can relate to you, it was very hard to go through all of that smoke free.  But I made myself a promise last Dec, that I was going to make 2014 smoke free, and I knew that smoking was not going to bring them back or make me any less sad.  I had a few panic attacks this year, and had to take lots of deep breaths.  and mostly, rely on God for the strength to go through this!! 

Don't be hard on yourself!! Move forward, you can do it!!

[Junior7]

So sorry to hear you are having to start over!  Very glad you are going to get right back to your quit!  Thanks for sharing with us--it is very helpful to me to remember that I have to stay vigilant.  I'm sure you have helped many people by sharing your experience.

[LouiseR]

Hi Meme.  Looks like you hadn't been on here in quite some time to read and blog and stay vigilant in your quit.  Please please come here daily and read and stick with this site.  We are all here for you to cheer you on!