90 Days

[Jono28]

In bed and realized after a particularly bad day of post-smoking anxiety that tomorrow will be 90 days of unease, misery, discomfort, and of course, 90 days of not smoking.

I've tried to blog from time to time through this journey and have seen things marginally improve some days. But not even my best days post quit compare to the state of relaxation I felt after vanquishing my withdrawal with a hit of nicotine.

This is NML, but that said, this misery isn't new...I've been in No Man's Land since I started.

There is no chance that I'll blow my quit. I'm sticking to the promise that I made to my kids no matter what. Smoking isn't an option for me anymore.  But I'm regretting big time that I made the promise to quit in the first place. 

As always, hoping tomorrow is a better day.

[Cousin-Itt]

Congratulations on your 90 days It's great you're going to continue to keep your promise

I can tell you I felt the same as you uptight on edge and agitated.  I was told to look at it like this.

For 40 years I lived a life style that the habit / addiction of smoking was a major part.  He asked why I expected after 3 months that I could change 40 years of living a smokers life.  40 years feeding your body / mind chemicals 40 years.

He told me to give time and it all happens gradually   He was right I can't tell you the day happened but one day I realized I made it and I'll never go back.   I'll tell you the same thing I don't know how long you smoked 5, 10, 20, 50 years 90 days is great and truly it is, but compared to how long you smoked it really isn't much time to achieve a much happier, healthier, longer life  So give it time  That moment will come and that smile will come when you realize you made it

Carl

[Barbscloud]

Big congrats on 90 days of success.   Quitting sure isn't easy, but I'm glad you're sticking to your commitment.   As everyone says, it will get easier, but for many there are still memories that will sneak up unexpectedly.   We always have remain vigilant. I'm happy I learned about NML in advance.   It is a period for many of us when we think everything should be great now that we quit smoking.  But we are still in the early stages of our journey and there's more work to be done.  

Continue to stay close and keep us updated on how your doing.

Barb

[sweetplt]

So sorry you still feel this way in your journey Jono28 ... maybe if you can list some positives that came out of your quit...ie., breathing better, sleeping better etc., and sorta look at them daily...sometimes I find with many who quit here at Ex’s...it takes them an entire year of not smoking to truly appreciate and feel better in their quit.  Approaching everything for one year without the smokes, then the following year, you have the new memories.  90 days is super and your commitment is amazing...hang in there and I just prayed you start feeling better in your journey...be well...Colleen 563 DOF 

[maryfreecig]

Go ahead, regret it, but you are doing more good in your 90 day journey of quitting, than you did as a smoker taking a gazillion puffs of nicotine.  That alluring relaxation you so miss--that is the face and body of addiction. There is nothing pretty about a deadly dependence.  Continue to fight for smobriety. It will come.

[Maki]

I'm sorry . 

I can only go by my quit and say keep going , give it all ya got , things will change . 

I have never believed in no mans land .  That idea is attached to nicotene  addiction and came from another addiction but honestly , I did not go through This NML . No mans land sounds sad and scary and lonely and I knew I wasn't alone .  I had support and love and was quitting for a purpose . It just feel better to be in a happy place than to stay in this place people were calling no mans land . So while others lived there,  I just acknowledged there was such a place , ok , I'll accept that , but move on . 

This is just my opinion , if it helps great , if not leave it . It may help someone else . If you disagreee or others disagree that's ok too l I'm just sharing my experience lol we are all different . 

Your doing a great job , it's pretty early in your quit . Give it time , but in the meantime don't stay there get out and enjoy freedom . 

Proud of you for not breaking your promise l you won't regret that . 

[AnnetteMM]

Here's what helped ME at that time. Now, I was happy to reach 90 days as a milestone, but I missed smoking very much.

SO...I promised myself this ridiculous thing:  If I ever knew my life was ending soon for whatever reason, I'd go out and buy a pack, sit outside in the sunshine, and smoke the whole thing. Having that in my back pocket actually helped me get through. I never expected that in time I'd change my mind, but I eventually did. But that doesn't matter now. What matters now is getting through. Whatever it takes.

[Maki]

I'm going to add one more thing then I got ta get out for my walk .. the day is flying by ... 

i was always stuck on day three. I got so convinced I'd fail on day three I usually did .. so this last time as weird as ths sounds I skipped day three in my head and convinced myself I was past it ... on day 4 ....funny enough it took a lot of stress off and day three past . You might try convincing yourself you are past no mans land . You've come out the other side , you see the light , you feel the joy of making it through that dark sad place and most importantly you can look to the bright blue sky and breathe  and your kids are waiting for you ...  

I don't know how old your kids are but if they are just young ones and still home with you plan something fun today yo do at home keeping in mind safe practises to prevent covid from spreading . My grandkids did a family coloring contest  with their mom and dad pitching in on the competition as well . They sent via text message to family and friends to pick the winners ... it was so fun for grandparents .. and it was hard to choose .. they were all so good .. everyone coloured the same picture so you can imagine the fun us grandparents , aunts uncles and cousins had ... 

[indingrl]

[Jono28]

As per your suggestion,  that's a big part of my frustration. Since quitting the only physical positive change has been my taste and smell. I know internally a lot of amazing things are better, but physically only since quitting, I feel shortness of breath, always on edge, and am so restless in my sleep, my wife often goes to another room. Thanks for the comment, and I appreciate the support.

[beazel]

I regretted making that promise too. But I honored it.

I understand your frustration, it's hard.

Your quit is still very young, but, 90 days is fantastic!!!

One day at a time.......

[sweetplt]

Glad for your response Jono28 I understand what you are saying ... have you spoken to your medical Doctor since quitting? Perhaps asking him/her if they can help you out...with some of the things  not working with your quit...just a suggestion...because I hate to see you continue on lwith all of these feelings...Gotcha in my Heart...~ Colleen 

[Jono28]

Have spoken with my Dr. She prescribed Lexapro - long story short - 2 months later back to see her tomorrow after weaning off of Lexapro.

I'm pretty sure it's simply that I have to suck it up for as long as I have to suck it up 🙂

[Strudel]

Your resolve is amazing....I am so glad that the promise you made is such an honorable one that you will stick to it...no matter what! Congrats on 90 days. As Carl said, doing something for so long (as we did smoking) - really does take a while to undo what your brain thinks it was giving you. For me, I smoked for 40 years...so, I figured it would take a while.
I like the idea of talking to your doctor. Hopefully she will have an answer for you. (I took Wellbutrin for my quit - since I felt that this site, and Carr’s book helped a great deal - I’m not sure exactly about the role of Wellbutrin. But, it apparently impacts the pleasure center of the brain and can help people quit.  Just an idea..... 

[Jono28]

Thanks for the reply. I also tried welbutrin and it did nothing for me so I was taken off that. As for Carr's book, I am admittedly my own worst enemy mentally, and fairly cynical on top of that. His book to me can be summed up as, "Quit smoking and enjoy it. Period." There were some facts in there that I already knew as well, but mostly it came down to just deciding that quitting doesn't suck. Not something I found helpful unfortunately lol.

Good news is although I may not enjoy my life as an ex smoker (for now anyway) I'm 100% committed to knowing that hating life as an ex is better than loving it as a smoker.

[Adamziv]

I'm with you. I'm 45 days in and I really don't see any benefits other than my bank account. I am so anxious and depressed that every day is a struggle. I've never been so tired in my life. I knew quitting would be hard, but WOW..... 

Silver lining... thank you to your promise, you'll never go through day 90 again and I'll never go through day 45 again. Wishing you the best! 

[PrimeNumberJD]

Right, and then suck it up some more! You'll start to see more positive physical changes! 

[Jono28]

I'll stick with it no matter what and hope you'll do the same. Sooner or later (apparently for some of us emphasis on the latter) it's bound to get better.