64 days and still counting ...

[stephanie81215]

Life has certainly been challenging lately. Of course, when is it not? I cannot say that life wasn't challenging when I was smoker. Everything seemed easier. That last statement is a blatant lie. Nothing was easier. Just making excuses because I've had a tough time with wanting to smoke. It's not cravings per se, it's just I for some irrational reason feel like I'll be happier, feel more like myself, or something, if I smoke. Because a smoker I was for 20 years. And when I quit for the three weeks before back in 2010, when stuff in my life started going wrong, I lost it and started smoking again. Well, things aren't pretty in life right now. I don't want to bore with details, but I'm struggling really bad with depression and anxiety. No particular reason except for maybe some sort of chemical imbalance. I don't know. I'm hypothesizing. I'm really on the edge but this time, I know it. Back in 2010, I was very unaware of 'where I was' in the quitting process. So, of course, I started up again. It was easier than to stay quit. THIS TIME, I know I'm in a dangerous place so I've had to stay away from smokers, gas stations... lol, to some extent, anything that might possibly trigger me, like sitting out on my balcony. Right now, I just feel like it's not safe for me.

Of course, I must thank everyone for their support and compassion. I credit the people on this website for making me a success story. i don't think I could have quit otherwise. I do have a strong support system outside of this website but it just isn't enough. I know this is a place I can come when I'm having trouble and automatically have an outpouring of support and encouragement. Priceless.

I am taking a mini vacay this weekend and going to visit some family down south. I'm hoping this will snap me out of this depressive state I'm in. I hope everyone has a great smoke-free weekend. Thoughts and prayers to everyone just because...

[YoungAtHeart]

You are doing SO well and should be so proud of yourself.  Keep reminding yourself that there is NEVER a good reason to smoke; there are only excuses.

Hang in there,  It does get easier - I promise.  Don't forget to distract yourself through any craves.  Go for a walk, march in place, put your head in the freezer and breath deep, let ice cubes melt in your mouth, take a long/slow/deep breath...anything to get your mind in another place.

Stay committed!

Nancy

[froguelady]

You are doing great protecting your quit. I know how it feels to think smoking will make you feel more "normal" like yourself.  I went through that also in a quit I had that lasted 6 weeks.  The next time I quit (the forever quit) I was a member of EX and knew I could be "normal" without smoking.  As Nancy said there is never a reason to smoke only an excuse. The support here is so great there isn't any word to explain it..  Keep doing what you are doing and stay close to EX.

[annb]

You are doing such a great job. Congrats! Remember you are in NML do the feelings might be from being the desert! lol Yes the trip and change of scene should really help. It usually helps me snap out of a funk. I was in one for quite awhile and felt that same thing about not feeling like myself. But it's starting to get better! WTG on 64 days!!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

It takes awhile to not believe smoking is going to fix  it or make us comfortable.

[constanceclum]

I'm only at 32 days quit and I frequently get that "somethings not right" because I'm not lighting up a cig. What also gets to my is how short those feelings last and how far apart they. I have been working on (for about 1/2 my adult life) to make decisionas based on knowledge-not feelings.   Connie

[Jennifer-Quit]

When I was a couple months into my quit, I would actually hear voices that told me that I was not good enough to quit.  Don't believe any of that BS - I am just now starting to feel normal without a cigarette in my hand.  I am not saying that it took me 6 months to get here - but you do need to know that it takes time.  Smoking only adds to your problems.  Read on jonescarp aka dale's page about "No Mans Land" because that is where you are right now.  Best wishes to you and hope that you have a nice relaxing week-end!

[elvan]

Absolutely read everything you can about No Man's Land. I remember around 60 days that I felt really depressed and cried for three days.  It wasn't really that things were worse in my life, it was just that I was actually SEEING them.  There are good times and bad times whether we smoke or not.  Smoking does not help anything.

Hope you have a wonderful and relaxing weekend.

[Strudel]

Congrats on 64 days! Being aware of what is going on is exactly what you need. Hopefully you will feel better soon - but, one thing is for sure - smoking will not help anything! 

Enjoy your little trip! Please take care!

[MarilynH]

You are doing great, keep on trucking and yes read everything you can about No Mans Land. It will be good for you to read up on it again. 

Marilyn

[Rick_M]

You are doing absolutly great Stephanie. Take a deep breath and stay quit....there is no reason to smoke, just excuses.

[freeneasy]

We were use to associating smoking with everything-wake up smoke and have coffee-get in car drive to work light up a cigarette. Go on break at work -light up; Even at home- finish a chore reward yourself with a smoke It goes on and on. It takes time but you unlearn all this stuff. Just stay committed, and remember what a great thing you are doing for yourself by quitting. Stick with it you are doing great and it willl get better.    

[stephanie81215]

Thank you everyone for your support. I do feel better after my little getaway, but of course, the things stressing me out/depressing me are still there. I just gotta learn how to deal without having a complete breakdown. Thanks for all the suggestions... I read them all and appreciate the time you guys spend writing to me. You guys make me feel like I matter and people care. Deep in depression, sometimes I think no one cares. Thanks for proving me wrong... Take care everyone and thank you for caring.