Let me start by saying 6 months ago I was a two to three pack a day smoker who thought I was happy, even if I had COPD and got colds and infections all the time. Everytime someone said you need to quit, including my doctors, they got the glare and a no way. I was in the hospital again in February and the doctor told me that I was going to die. I literally laughed, because they had threatened me with this for a while now. I just knew it was all BS, but he promised me that I would never live another year because of smoking. Ok, that scared me a little, but I got out of the hospital and got in the car and lit up, then started crying, because for the first time in my life I realized I was an addict, that even telling me I would die meant nothing to my not so good friend Mr Smoke. I decided I was quitting, that was it, I meant it. That day I put on a patch afraid I couldn't do it cold turkey, but determined to quit. Since that day I have learned a lot about me and Mr Smoke too. I learned that the meds that help some don't work for me and that cold turkey was the way I was going to have to go. I learned that even if your desire is strong in your quit, your addiction is strong too and that it is no picnic. I wish I could tell you it was easy, but truthfully it was hell. I cried, I was a bitch a lot, I threw things, I broke things, I hated everybody, but I would not smoke. My gall bladder ruptured,my guy said he was leaving me, I still wouldn't smoke, he had a heart attack and nearly died, still not smoking. I was told that even though I quit, I have severe COPD and may very soon have to have surgery, still not smoking. I buried folks, had birthdays of deceased loved one including one of my kids and a husband, still did not smoke. Did I always feel good? No, but did I do it, yes. How? I wish there was an easy answer, I just got stubborn and no matter how bad I felt (there were days I literally locked myself in the house), I just wouldn't smoke. I figured if I was going to live or die I didn't want to be a smoker. I remembered how I found my husband, still wearing his patch with cigarettes sitting in the ashtray where he had smoked with the patch and his body was weak from cancer and the treatments, how he had a massive stroke and died, for a stinking cigarette, how my father died after losing his leg, from smoking, I just decided that it was my choice and even if it was hard, it was one thing no one could take from me. Today in a few hours I will hit that 6 month mark, now to the world that may seem like nothing, but to those of us here who know the very real struggle, it is victory, one no one can take and trust me it is so worth it. I feel free for the first time in 38 years....please give your quit all you have, you will be surprised at how you will feel about yourself and what you will learn about yourself.....you will feel like a winner!
