4 months since I smoked a cigarette

[michkin]

and it's still tough emotionally speaking, one of my best friends who quit 10 days after me fell off the wagon this week and even though I don't live near her for it to affect me in person, I am scared that if she falls that it can be so easy to slip.  Physically I don't want one, I don't crave one, but emotionally I still feel vulnerable.  I still miss smoking as a crutch, but I am strong and most of the time I see people smoking and I think I'm so glad I don't do that anymore, but part me is envious.  I don't know why I feel so insecure about this now I guess the idea that I can never have another cigarette still makes me sad, so I go to the gym and do an hour of cardio to exercise my heart, something I could not do as effectively if I were smoking and I work out hard instead of thinking about smoking.

After my last blog received some strong reactions, I tried to changed my quit date from March 6th to the 17th (my slip date when I had 3 cigarettes) but when I hit the reset my quit date it won't let me go past May...  so it might say 133 days but it has really been 122 my bad...

[JonesCarpeDiem]

her going back does not mean you have to.

give yourself some more time and don't lean on her failure, lean on your own quit.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

You're doing GREAT!

CONGRATULATIONS on earning your FREEDOM One Day at a Time! 

You're envious of people killing themselves one puff at a time????

Sounds like it's time for you to KNOW YOUR ENEMY - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! 

Visit my info Blogs and find out just how BAD smoking is! It's like romancing a VAMPIRE! Not really what you want....

[debr]

From two of our awesome EX'ers, great comments!!!

[newlife5]

congrats on staying quit,,it is more important to stay quit than to count days,,in fact once i read that it is best to pick a holiday close to your quit day and measure by that when that holiday comes around then it is one year...count the years not the days.,... counting days is fun and i do it to.. but its not the most important thing.. your health is the most important thing

[michkin]

Thanks for your kind words everyone and to newlife I had my last cigarette on St. Patrick's Day so I will definitly be able to remember that next year, I do appreciate counting the months but the days are too tedious for me to bother with.  I guess I was feeling sad because just as an example let's say you break up with someone you loved but they did not treat you well.  I think it's the same thing here, I broke up with something I loved (or thought I loved of whatever) and 98% of the time I'm so happy I broke up with smoking I feel better, I go to the gym and run on the treadmill to exercise my heart but every once in a while I miss that ex-lover that I loved even though he was a jerk.  I was just having one of those moments when I said I am envious.  I'm better today and I haven't thought about smoking since posting here it's almost like I said it here got the thought out of my head and "verbalized" my insecurity about my friend falling off the wagon.  It's so easy to lose a quit if you're not careful that's all I was trying to say about that.

Thanks for commenting on my blog everyone have a wonderful day wherever you are.