Yesterday was 30 days for me, and I am very proud of myself. It has been a tough month full of different emotions - Elation (I'm actually doing this!), Depression, Irritability, and Contentment.
I'm proud of myself, but I also feel sad for the people I started this with. There are two women on this website who were a big part of my quit. One has returned to smoking and hopes to try quitting again soon and the other just removed her page without saying anything. Of the two coworkers who quit with me, one is back to smoking and the other is "just taking a drag every now and then". My sister, who was my biggest support during my first two weeks, has stopped calling me. I found out from my mom that she is "smoking an occasional cigarette" but has not gone back to what she used to smoke. This is a hard habit to quit, and unfortunately the stats are not as good as we wish they were.
I quit one time before this and started back the same way that a lot of my support group is starting back. I remember the "I'll only smoke when I drink" (started drinking every night, not a good idea), "I'll only smoke at night", and then "I won't smoke more than 1/2 pack per day". I found that I was able to keep up the reduced smoking for about two months and then it was right back to a pack a day. I actually was lying to people about my smoking. The lying and hiding side of the return to smoking is ugly, just plain addict ugly.
This I now know - I will not try to take one puff, or just have one cigarette if I am having a bad day. One will bring me back to a full pack in no time. I will take each day one at a time, and know that some days will be good and some days will be bad. I will expect things to improve, even if it is slow improvement. I know that if I don't smoke, that the cravings and the urges will slowly decrease.
I wish each and every one of you a smoke-free day, whether it is good, bad, or ugly, it is smoke-free.
