3 months... almost relapse

[Julia14]

I could use some support. 

Feeling isolated, and have very few people to talk to.  my daughter has decided that she doesn't want to go to bed....  this has been going on for a few WEEKS!  Since I don't have the cigs, I have less tolerance for this...  It escalates with her having tantrums... 

However, I mentioned it at work, and got slammed....  Well,. "You are the one in charge.",  "Who's the parent?", " Oh if that were my child...  that would never happen......  and so on! 

Anyway, it hurts to hear that, because asided from holding down a full time job, a home and a family...  I haven't found a great way to cope without cigs... 

Any support greatly appreciated!!!! 

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

I think they're both learning experiences.  I always look to books or do an internet search when I am experiencing something new and usually someone has already been there and written a book about it!  Quitting smoking , disciplining your children, getting them to sleep in their own beds, bedtime etc etc.  Don't expect to have it all run smoothly at first, it takes some time for all this new behavior to become automatice.  Perssevere and you will never regret it.

[awwc]

Kid-related stress is a powerful trigger ain't it?  I tell ya.  I hear ya.  I feel ya.

Best thing I can offer is to make the realization and acceptance that it will ALWAYS be there.  We're screwed. 8 ) Don't give up your quit to it.

I've given myself the power of walking out when the tantrums pop up.  I've learned that it completely disarms my youngest.  Sure he screams a bit louder for a while, but it goes away.

Your mileage may vary.

Hold on to that quit.

[hwc]

A kid that won't go to bed is a pain in the ass, but it has absolutely nothing to do with smoking and nicotine addiction. Do you think that non-smokers have nothing but angelic little cherubs for kids? Kids are kids.

It's a little less stressful for non-smokers because they only have the stress of a screaming kid. They don't have the added stress of being a junkie needing a fix on top of that. But, honestly, I would unlink kids tantrums and thinking about relapsing. If you relapse, it won't be because your kid is throwing a tantrum.

[hwc]

BTW, if you are looking for an instruction manual for kids, our bible was a book called Your Baby Your Child by Penelope Leach.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0375700005/spydersempire

If I recall, the advice for bed time issue was a warm bath, cozy PJs, and reading a story. Also a fixed, consistent routine is a good plan. Where things fall apart quickly is when the kid gets over-tired.

I agree with the advice that you have to be willing to walk away from a kid pitching a hissy fit. You can always go back in and read a story when they've calmed down. In a way, the tantrum is the same thing as a nicotine craving. Both of them only eat at you to the extent that you give them power.

[frank_d]

Hello Julia,  You just become more toleraent in the long run, I too have a near relaspes but found put I waass weakerr then normal at the time due to not eating and I had forgot to use my NRD ( nictine replsace threatment...  the patches have helpedd me over come the withdrawal and Im a newbie at "Kicking the butt"  I just gavemy self another pat on the back for not relaping Positive reeenforcement works 🙂  I have never seen myself get stronger by not having the weapons I need to to fight this ugly beast mr marobro, my weaknesses will not be the katlsy for me to ever pick up a sig again, insted they will be turned into my strengts as I learn my weakness and become stronger thru them...  I just send a prayer and a wish to you GOD BLESS AND TOGXATHER WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE    Keep up the GOoD Work 🙂

[Denise28]

I agree with hwc's first post and bed time should be the same time and same routine everyday so the kid knows what to expect.  I don't know how many you have but I have 4 of them and they all go to bed.  It's been well over a year since I smoked.  My kids are now 12, 6, 3 and 2.  We live a structured life with them.  We also take them out to dinner and we actually get compliments on their behavior too.  Watch SUPERNANNY, she's awesome and she knows what she's talking about.

[patty17]

It is so true that when you are in the beginning of your quit, your tolerance is less. I take care of my grandkids 4 days a week and i remember when i first quit that my patients was short. After time, though you will learn that you don't need to smoke to calm down or deal with the fits that kids will throw. Its wonderful that you can spend more time with them and don't have to run outside to smoke every chance you get. Now i can enjoy the kids more cause i am not worring about smoking and i have found that i even have more patients with them now. I think you are doing a great job and don't let the people at work get under your skin. They haven't walked in your shoes.

[anacondahead]

As long as you romantically view cigarette smoking as a calming, enjoyable, relaxing activity that washes away all of your stress, you will always be tempted to relapse. Who wouldn't be?

When you begin to view it honestly - it is a dangerous, smelly habit that addicts you to nicotine and destroys your health, you will place yourself in control of your quit.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

superglue them to the tub.

you can feed them and then hose them down.

Very Convenient!

[Yaya2.6.10]

Keep telling yourself that relapse will add to your stress.  Self talk works for me like repeating that you are stronger than the addiction, the kid won't force you to relapse cuz you are in control, etc.  The short fuse is part of the deal, but it helped me to be sure I was rested and fed.  I know that isn't easy with kids, a job, etc., but taking care of you is Job 1.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I've heard more than once on this site that 3 months for some reason is a tricky time for quitters - full of nico-land mines and sabotage!  So it might help to know that for you AND your daughter that this is just another stage that you will survive and brighter days are ahead! 😃 

[JoAnne5-14-2008]

Hi Julia - It's been a very, very long time since I've had to deal with a child not wanting to go to bed. (smile).  But I did see one time on Super Nanny - Where she had the mom to put the child in the bed at the same time and each time the child got back up out of the bed, the mom was told to put the child back in.  This went on for about 45 minutes that first night and each night after that the child succumbed to bedtime.  You are being tested in your quit, don't give in.  Your child is just going through a part of growing.

[mindy15]

Say what you mean and mean what you say..Children will easily manipulate those who are not strong....When it is bedtime it is bedtime...lights out..the crying will sop...have a plan for yourself to cope with the sceaming...you can do this...sending strenght and encouragement your way..