Hi everyone,
I really struggled with whether I wanted to blog or not. I had picked April 11th as a new date to quit smoking. I mainly picked this date because on the 12th I am having a medical procedure on my back and I have to fast and cannot have any water either. For me, I am always drinking water on a regular basis as it is. But when I am smoking, I am extremely thirsty and drink 3 times as much due to the excess thirst it creates. Knowing this, I had made a decision to quit the day prior to my procedure not only so I would not be so thirsty but because it would give me a good jump at quitting.
What happened though is that yesterday I just did not buy any more smokes. I knew I was going to run out and just sort of went with it. This was very unplanned and so I am taking it moment by moment. My last smoke was last night at 6 PM so it has been 29 hours. I am not having an easy time ands there were so many times today that I wanted to jump on here and start screaming. If there can be a bad time to quit, this would be it. I have some physical things going on that it really would have made much more sense to stick to my plan. I really have never done anything the "right" way or by following simple directions. I had a bunch of thought going thru my head yesterday when I did have this spur of the moment urge to quit though. It was Easter for one thing and it seemed like a perfect day to quit. In addition, this day had a personal meaning for me for someone who had suffered from lung cancer.
I will be having 4 shots into my facet joints on April 12th. This is supposed to alleviate some of the pain I am in but I am not all that hopeful. I have had these same shots into my discs before and they did not do a thing. Since the Surgeon will be right next to the nerve, I have to be awake enough to tell him if he is causing more pain. So this is not something I am really looking forward to. After this procedure is done, he has to access everything because this procedure is not even addressing the severe pain I have with the Sacroiliac Joint on my right side. Actually, we THINK it is this joint that is causing all this pain that is cuasing so many problems. It is really hard for me at this point to have new pain and new problems creep up after all this time. I have had a physical therapist coming to my home for the last couple of my weeks and I really do not like this. I want to return back to outpatient PT so I can feel more independent again. My home is where I need to have my own space, not where people just come in whenever they are in the area.
With all that said, I have been keeping my spirits up as high as possible. I have not had my head in the sand either. I have been walking a little bit each day and that helps me a lot. Pre-injury I used to be a really good climber and I really miss being a monkey. The other day while walking I saw something to climb and I just went for it!!!!! I did pay a price for it but it was such a blast to do something that I used to do!
I am really giving this my all to not smoke no matter what. I almost caved today and even drove to the store. I sat outside that store for 10 minutes and then drove away. I could smell the stale smoke from the ashtray outside the store and said.........NOPE! I have never, ever been able to drive away before. if anything? I have made major progress. I am so dam determined and I am very feisty. I guess I am not willing to be beaten. So in this case being stubborn is a good thing. I have always been a fighter and a survivor so I know I can do this too. hen the cravings hit though, I feel like I am going nutty. My body freaks and I am so impulsive. I really do not have any train of thought other than GO SMOKE! I have read all over this site and on WHYQUIT.com. I am very educated about it. My brain and body just do not agree. Somehow I just need to let the time pass by so it lessens and lessens.
If anything......putting back to back days is very good practice for my official quit date. And if I keep putting those back to back days.......a day at a time? Then I guess I will already be a non smoker on the 11th. Either way, it is a win win situation for me. I like it. 🙂
Thank you my friends for being there for me always and your awesome support. You are wonderful and I love you. You have all touched my life and I appreciate you so very much. 🙂
Ali
