Yay! 27 days no smoking!!! 7 days no patch, which means no nicoteen. I've made it!
I did get a serious cold that led to pneumonia though. They threw me on a "Z" pac and sent me in for x-rays. That's when they told me I had nodules in my right lung, lower left quadrant. I freaked at first then I got really pissed at myself for ever smoking in the first place.
So the other day, Friday, they sent me in for a CT-scan and I won't get the results from my doc until later today or tomorow...I hope today though. If it's a death sentence, I want to know now. If it's caused by the pneumonia, the nodules that is, I want to know now as well. It's the not knowing that's the worst part of this.
If you're still smoking after reading this and you have family or kids of your own you're a selfish dumb-ass like me. Quit now. Just stop! I did BEFORE all this happened. So if I can do it after smoking for 24 years I know you can. If you don't quit, you deserve to go through the very same mental anguish I'm going through now.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm pissed at myself. On so many levels it's not funny. And yes, this may be all for not. It may be simply a really bad case of pneumonia. But what if it's not. How do I tell my 15 month old daughter that "Daddy was a dumb ass and smoked almost his entire life and now because of it will die a slow lingering death and never be able to see you graduate High School or walk you down the asile when you get married."?
Deep down inside I only hope this is a "shot across my bow".
I have been enlightened.
